#riverariley

bit·ter/ˈbidər/

adjective      1. the burn of alcohol in your throat; vodka, whiskey, rum and anything else you can steal from your parents’ liquor cabinet. it doesn’t matter what it tastes like, it just matters that you can’t feel how much it hurts after the ache fades.      2. the black streaks on your cheeks betray your hurt as fast as the traitor tears fall and you resent the fact that he doesn’t wear his warning signs as bright and bold as you do, but you’ve never been any good at hiding anyway, have you?      3. he watches you cry and you watch him destroy himself and you trade places, but looking at him still feels like you might never go home.      4. he almost dies and you’re at his side, choking on the scent of roses you’ve only ever given to the boy he hates.      5. not caring feels agonizingly like caring too much.

de·serve/əˈzərv/

verb         1. you don’t know enough words to make it fit right, to find the thing to say to explain the way he frustrates and scares you in equal measure.      2. if he’s wrong, then you already know he’s at least half as stubborn as you and you’ll both fight until exhaustion takes you.       3. if he’s right, then everything else is wrong and the thought is like swallowing glass to fill an empty stomach.       4. if hurt deserves hurt, then you deserve all the loneliness and pain that’s made it’s home inside of you; you’re a killer and a monster and hurt is all you are.        5. fifteen years ago, you died.       6. a year and a half ago, someone in a uniform said you’re alive even as the flame raged around you.       7. you want to deserve that life, but he says hurt deserves hurt and you are nothing but hurt in the shape of a girl.       8. you’re so scared that he’s right.

CARMELA’S WARDROBE