#ritual notes

- It was worth getting to the venue early for merch, inflatable diva Perpetua photo ops, and seeing all the costumes. I was shy, but managed to swap a few bracelets with help from my roommate

- There was a Perpetua cosplay so realistic I got slightly star struck. They’ll be in GBB for fucking sure

- I saw GBB filming and was close by, but didn’t get approached. Which is fine by me, because I was a sweaty mess and also would have cried

- The Yondr pouch situation going in was easy, but they didn’t give me a printed ticket, so make sure you get one. I had a panic moment when I couldn’t remember our section. The Yondr pouch situation leaving was chaos, staff shouting at us to go outside and then having to find someone to unlock it, no lines, no order

- Our seats were really good?? Better than I expected. We were section 105, so up off the floor a bit

- I was already crying during the lead up to Peacefield, which took about 100 years

- When that curtain dropped… Tears. I’m choking up just thinking about it now. They felt SO close. I turned to my roommate and sobbed, “They’re RIGHT THERE!!” 😭

- Storm is adorable, does lots of little dances, grabs his lapels, cute interactions with Aurora. I feel like I know him so much better now, and I love him

- Phantom is the MVP. Yes, I’m biased, but everyone can see it. He does so much to encourage the crowd and put on a good show. He’s all over that stage, and even though we were on Dew’s side, Phantom spent a lot of time with us. (Because he could feel the pure adoration and love radiating from my section, obvi.) Literally screamed “That’s my boy!!” multiple times

- Phantom and Cirrus have such a good rapport, little dancy dances together

- Cute touching fingers moment between Phantom and Perpetua

- Rain is a majestic unicorn irl, what a princess. Sitting impatiently with legs crossed during the big sex part of Umbra. Veil blowing in the wind created by his model walk. My love

- Aurora doing the cowbell! She really puts her all into it, virtuoso performance. My roommate was dying

- Aurora has the best dance moves in general. She’s so fun to watch

- We got Elizabeth and Satan Prayer!! I had to hold it down for my section singing Satan Prayer. Same with Per Aspera Ad Inferi. Same with a lot of songs, actually… It was a weirdly quiet crowd

- Nick R. who produced Infestissumam was there! Perpetua acknowledged that Ghost and Nashville have some shared history, gave Nick a shoutout, then changed the usual pre-encore bit to say that they were going to do a special song just for Nick, but since we all stayed, we might as well hear it, too…

- Lots of butthole talk. Tearing us a big new asshole, putting Dew’s boot up our asses “where it belongs,” etc

- Perpetua called Dew’s boot his “asskissing” boot at first and had to correct himself to “asskicking”

- During KTGG the concentric inverted pentagrams look like buttholes. The leg spirals too. Everyone sees this, right??

- Those cannons have zero reach, wtf.

- Perpetua is such a creature, especially during Cirice, sneaking down the stairs. No wings for Cirice. His gaze during THE Cirice moment is so intense, even just on the big screen, I cannot imagine being on the receiving end of that and surviving

- Perpetua did a lot of cutesy 1960s dance moves during KTGG

- At one point Perpetua asked, “Do you like that, baby?” in a softly teasing tone and nearly killed me

- Perpetua smiling??????? I think I get the thirst now, because my heart exploded and I realized I would commit murder for this man

- Someone threw a bra on stage, and Perpetua said someone must have dropped it and gave it back to the audience. Said something like, “Good family entertainment, huh? That’s how you expand the family. And you can expand all you want in a few minutes, because we’re getting ready to leave!”

- The only bad thing was that I was beside a couple who were only there to drink and talk through the whole thing. It was so distracting. They also crawled over me to get drinks during Satan Prayer and the big climactic part of Umbra. I was PISSED

- I wish more people were singing! Especially during Monstrance Clock. But seeing the audience members on the screen near the end was honestly really beautiful, I’m gonna cry about it

- In conclusion, it was amazing and I’m so glad I was able to go. It wasn’t my first ritual, but my first one happened during a very bad year of my life, and I can barely remember it. This felt like a second chance, at a time when I’m deeper into Ghost and our community, and a much more powerful experience 💜

• you can know better and still not do better. it doesn’t make you weak, it just means you're still learning in real time. • i talk to myself like a best friend because no one else is doing it. sometimes the only advice i get is my own reflection saying “girl, wtf.” • love can chip away at you in tiny, invisible ways. by the time you notice, you’re just a handful of glitter and memory, and you don’t even know how to give anymore. • i thought i was stronger. but strength isn’t staying—it’s knowing when something is hollow and walking away even when your hands are still shaking. • i want peace so bad it makes my bones ache. not silence. not avoidance. peace. and you need safety to afford peace.

Did my first ritual in a while. 

My standing altar is against the west wall, there is no way around that, and I like a north-facing altar during ritual so I used my folding-tray-table altar instead. Works pretty well and is the perfect height to use while sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed. Casting the circle is a bit harder that way but doable; 

I used electric tea lights as quarter candles (in yellow/red/blue/green). (I always did find it a little awkward lighting and calling quarters on my own so this seems to work better. Also eliminates the potential problems associated with candles on a bed.) Drew little star and arrow diagrams on the ritual script for invoking/banishing pentagrams to make sure I get it right. :)

Red candles will apparently fade over time to a deep pink. I guess I need more red votives.

White sage incense is a big “no” after this, as my partner had a bad allergic reaction to it when I came downstairs. (Which is too bad because I have a ton of it.)  Washed it out of my hair and that helped, but next time I go for vanilla or cinnamon.

I probably want another pentacle to keep the “cakes” on in case I need it for something else in future. 

The chalice is a chalice-shaped egg cup. The libation bowl is a soy sauce dish. Think small but functional.

10/2/16

Last night we cast our spell, enchanted our jar, and awakened and acknowledged our coin spirits to build up an ongoing... thing.  Not exactly sure what to call it. 

Overview of the ritual:

Smoke cleansed the room with cedarwood incense

Set up altar 

Burnt frankincense, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and clove for actual incense

Called the runes Feoh and Gyfu, and Andvari to oversee and guide our intent, to teach and guide the money spirits over the course of their lives