#ripjonhyun

I am no writer, nor an artist. I just want to express myself to you in the way I know how.

I had been considering plans to see you on your 10th anniversary concert. I had been thinking about how and when I'll get to watch you perform live on your solo cons. I had been looking forward to hearing more of your compositions to be produced...

All this time, I just assumed that I'll be seeing more of you in the future that I failed to value you more. I expected you to be constant, so lately I have neglected updating myself about you and the group. How wrong have I been. And now I am making up for the lost time and for the lost you.

I may not fully grasp what you went through; I'm not an idol, and I haven't went through depression. But what I understand is the feeling of being alone. I had my own share of loneliness. And during those times, I found SHINee's music (“A-yo” really got me and stuck with me since). Then, I also discovered the group's variety shows. And from there, I found you. I was attracted with the animated you, and the unreserved you. By following you, I got to know the Jonghyun who sincerely cares for others, blood-related or not. Your concern, interactions, smiles, and even tears are so genuine that was so blinding. Your sweet smiles and funny gestures is what brightened my day. And I haven't even began talking about the you who is on stage. And your voice? I can't even describe it. You said we didn’t get to know the real you. But up there, you captured the heart of all that is listening and watching. Up there you are so real. And up there you are just sparkling and glowing. Bling Bling is Jonghyun, right? So for that, I am thankful. Thank you for the intrusion in my life. You were the welcomed distraction and boost I needed in my down times.

Now though, I am ashamed. Ashamed that to have not paid attention enough, and I call myself a fan. Being a supporter from another land, even with language barriers, does not excuse me for not being able to help you. I believe that anything is possible if we just put our hearts and mind to it. And that time, I didn't. I'm just sorry that you faced your inner demons alone. There were people around you, closer to you, but still failed to see you. You've rescued so many of us, yet we weren't able to do the same for you. You gave all the signs; through you actions, words and music. You were desperately hoping and calling for help but we disregarded you. We neglected you as we were blinded by the warm smiles you gave us and the words of wisdom you shared with us. We were so focused on ourselves that we failed to look past your words, lyrics and smiles.  

What's done is done. We cannot undo the past. We just hope that you are able to forgive us all for not being what you needed at your lowest hours. On your last ig post you told us not to be hurt, but we are.  And we are also angry… not at you but angry at ourselves for letting it come to this. For pushing you and ourselves to where we are now. 종현아, 미안해.

Our dino, our puppy, you fought hard, you worked hard. Thank you for enduring this long. Thank you for meeting you on this lifetime. Thank you for your music and the gift that is you. Now, take your well deserved peace and rest. 종현아, 수고했어요! Please watch over your sister, mother and your four brothers, Jinki, Kibum, Minho & Taemin.