#rip izuru

It was true, actually. Isane often seemed nervous and indecisive, but in triage situations, she was all steel nerves and quick decisions. It’s like her brain was always stuck in emergency mode, and tended to give off sparks when it wasn’t bearing enough load. Izuru knew a lot about brains that didn’t work right all the time, and before he worked under Isane, he had worried a lot that maybe he wasn’t cut out for command. But Isane was kind and patient and gentle, and it would have been a great loss to Squad 4 if she hadn’t the confidence to take the post. That’s what Captain Unohana had told Izuru when he asked her whether or not he should take the lieutenant’s exam himself.

He was going to miss Captain Unohana a lot. The Fourth might be looked down on by other squads as mere support workers, but Captain Unohana was the strongest person Izuru had ever met, and she loved and cared for every person who worked under her. She had high expectations, but the Fourth was also a place to be yourself. If you had goals you wanted to reach, the captain was always the first one at your side to support you.

Izuru wondered if the Third was like that. He had a bit of trouble getting a bead on Captain Ichimaru, but the man had been Captain Aizen’s lieutenant, so he must be a good person deep down. Captain Aizen always wanted the best for his subordinates, too. Izuru wished his anxiety hadn’t made it so hard to accept that. But maybe that was a role he could play at the Third. Maybe the lessons of his own insecurities could help him make it a place where anyone could succeed.

“You’re moving this afternoon?” Unohana was asking him. “Do you have help lined up?”

Izuru waved a hand. “Oh, it’s only one division over, and I don’t have much. Everything is packed.” Momo had come over to help with that, but she was busy with her own move and Izuru didn’t want to impose on her more than he already had.

“Oh, Izuru,” Isane gasped “I have appointments this afternoon, but I could see if Iemura or Ogidou are available!”

“Mmm, it looks like that may not be necessary,” Captain Unohana said mildly as they rounded the corner toward the barracks.

Biceps. That was the first thing that popped into Izuru’s head. Lots of biceps. Tons of biceps. Pantsloads of biceps, which were attached to a possibly even greater quantity of well-toned deltoids.

“Yo!” Hisagi Shuuhei greeted him with a wave, as if Izuru had somehow managed to miss him and his magnificently tanned arms.

Next to him, Abarai Renji, no slouch in the arm department either, gave a little salute.

Both of them were wearing sunglasses. Neither of them were wearing sleeves.

“Oh my,” Isane managed.

“Indeed,” Captain Unohana agreed.

“What are you two doing here?” Izuru demanded.

“Momo said you were moving today and you were too stubborn to ask for help,” Shuuhei announced.

Abarai moved in a way that might have been a stretch, but looked a lot like he was flexing. Scratch that, he was just flexing. Izuru had to resist the urge to claw at his own face.

“That was so thoughtful of you, Lieutenant Hisagi, Sixth Seat Abarai!” Captain Unohana declared in a way that assured that Izuru would accept their help and like it. “I am sure it will go very quickly with the three of you working together.”

“I am very good at picking up heavy objects, Captain Unohana, ma’am,” Abarai assured her, with a barely acceptable bow.

“And I’m very good at pointing out heavy things for him to pick up,” Hisagi added. Both Isane and Izuru turned scarlet.

“Goodness, Izuru, you’ll hardly have anything to do, aside from sit back and watch,” Captain Unohano observed pleasantly.

Izuru died. If his spirit were in a body, it would have departed. As it were, he just stood there, feeling his spirit particles dissipate into reishi.

“You’re embarrassing him,” Isane hissed.

“Oh, am I?” Captain Unohana asked innocently. “We should be on our way then, and let Izuru and his friends get on with it.”

It was very fortunate that Izuru had already discorporated and was unable to hear any of that.

“Good luck, gentlemen! Don’t be a stranger, Izuru!”

“No, ma’am,”Izuru’s ghost managed to say. “Thank you for everything, ma’am.”

The captain and vice-captain of the Fourth departed. Izuru could just barely catch Unohana asking Isane why she didn’t own any sleeveless shihakushou.

“What the fuck, you assholes?!?” Izuru snapped at them as soon as the women were out of earshot.

“I told you he’d be mad,” Renji told Shuuhei, as though Izuru weren’t actually present.

“He’ll forgive us once he tries to carry a load of boxes over to the Third and remembers about his noodle arms.”

“You could have told me you were going to show up!” Izuru griped. “How long have you two been hanging around?”

“If we told you, you woulda told us not to come,” Shuuhei shrugged.

“Or worse, tried to finish your entire move before we got here,” Renji pointed out. “Do you have any boxes of breakable things? I love carrying breakable things around.”

“How did you even know I was moving today?” Izuru ignored him.

“Momo,” they chorused.

Oh. Of course.

“So you see our problem,” Shuuhei pointed out. “If we don’t help you, Momo will murder us. Real rock and a hard place situation.”

“More like a rock and a piece of wet cardboard situation,” Renji added frankly. “I am definitely more afraid of Momo than you.”

“Go to hell, Abarai!”

Abarai flexed again. “If I go to hell, who’s gonna move the 800 pounds of poetry books you own? Shuuhei looks good, but he’s hardly got any stamina.” Izuru glared at him stonily, to prove that he was unmoved by Abarai’s antics and also because Abarai’s delts were extremely nice to look at.

“He’s not wrong,” Shuuhei admitted.

“Also, do not flex in front of my captain.”

“She likes it.”

“She’s a lesbian, Abarai.”

“Lesbians love really ripped upper arms. It’s a known fact.”

“Who doesn’t, really?” Shuuhei put in.

“Good point!”

Izuru sighed heavily and unlocked his door. “If I can’t get rid of you dolts, let’s at least get this over with.”

“Yeah, I’m really looking forward to the part afterward where you buy us drinks,” Shuuhei added brightly.

Izuru groaned, because if he didn’t, it might be too evident how full his heart felt right now. These morons. These goons.

“Oh, we brought you something,” Abarai added, rummaging around in his kosode and coming up with a pair of sunglasses. “So you can be part of the cool guy squad.”

“Should I rip the sleeves off my kosode, also?” Izuru asked, taking them with a grin.