#rioweek

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Where Rio ended and Merag began was hard to say, sometimes. Their lives, memories, fates were tied together in a knot so tangled that no one could hope to pull them apart any time soon.

But for as long as Merag had lived the life Rio should have been able to, she felt like nothing more than a shadow.

A shadow of Nasch, perhaps. Because everything they did, they did either together or for each other. Yet, Nasch was always the one taking the lead. Nasch was the one that decided she needed revenge for being burned. Nasch was the one who decided to join the war on the side of the Barians. And when Rio had a shred of agency, all she found herself doing was...follow.

(When she first met Yuma, she'd been determined to be known for more than having a twin brother. Known for his accomplishements, downfalls, mannerisms. She wanted to be more than that? Yeah, right. What a joke.)

Or was she a shadow of Rio? Ever since finding out about her real identity, Merag couldn't stop wondering... What would Rio's life be like, were she still here? If she didn't die so long ago, with Merag stealing her identity like some kind of parasite? How would Rio have lived? What would Rio have done? And how would it compare to the life Merag had strung together for herself?

(When she compared herself to Rio, she couldn't help but think...that Rio could have done it better. Would have done it better. She wasn't just an imitation, she was a poor excuse for one.)

Or was she just...a shadow? Life kept pushing her down, forcing her to just take it and be glad she could still get up. And yet, no matter how hard Merag tried to live her own life, be her own person... Sometimes it was like she was just watching life go on without her. Days where chronic pain kept her from doing what she wanted to do. Days where the fatigue of multiple lives pulled her down too much to do what she should be doing. Days where she looked at the deck of cards that meant so much to her, and the memories that welled up were too painful for her to even touch them, let alone play the game she loved.

She didn't used to be like this. She wasn't supposed to turn into this.

Where did she go wrong?