#ridgphos

It’s not that seeing a smiling face every once in a while isn’t great it’s just not safe. What if one of those smiling faces came with a chainsaw? That’s true… Maybe we should consider creating a defense system for around the perimeter? We’ll have to make sure Mault and Creek don’t decide to help. I’d prefer them not getting hurt, but knowing them they’ll want to help in some way. Why, Ridge? Why? Why must you get Mault and Creek involved in everything? And how could you possibly know they would want to help? Lot of help they’d be, two creepers who won’t explode. I like getting them involved! Makes them feel like part of the family! Plus they get involved anyway. You know how they are. They could scare intruders at least, you know how they like to pop out from random places and all.

Do I ever. And besides, they aren’t part of the family. They’re pets who are too creepily kind for their own good. That makes them part of the family in my book! Besides, they care about you and your well being a lot Xephos! Don’t you remember when they brought you apples to try and make you feel better that one time? While I admit that may have been kind of them, they are still weird. I know they are, darling. You’ll get used to them, maybe one day you’ll even grow to like them as much as I do! It’s not that I won’t try for you, Ridgey, it’s just that I wholeheartedly do not see me liking Mault and Creek on the horizon…or ever. Well, I’ll settle for tolerating them near the house for now. I do appreciate how much you try for me, Darling. Mm~ I’m glad. It’s only because I love you.

And I love you, very much in return. Really? How much~? How much? Oh darling, I’ll be counting the ways endlessly if you let me. How about instead I show you how much I love you. Show me? And what might that entail? Oh, a little of this… and a little of that. How about we go upstairs and I’ll give you a little taste now~? Perhaps I don’t want a little taste, hm~? Perhaps I want a whole slice. Oho~ Well… if you want the whole taste then… why don’t I just take care of that now. Come here, Darling. Let me carry you upstairs~ Ridge you don’t have to- Ridge! Ah, be careful! One of these days you’re going to drop me trying to be my knight in shining armour~

Not that great? Excuse me, darling but you’re one of the greatest things in my life! You know I would never be disappointed with your gifts. I still wear and love that shirt you got me. You know the one. Shirt? It was a sweater, Ridge, a sweater and you never wear it. And I’m only one of the greatest things? I wear it! You’re just never around to see me in it! Well, yes! I have Mault and Creek to count too, you know. You are however top of that list. Suuuure you wear it.

Why can’t we keep her? There is such a thing as finders keepers. She’s not moving, Darling. I think she likes you. Finders keepers? You can’t apply finders keepers to a human being, Ridge! She’s probably got parents somewhere who are worried sick! How would you feel if your daughter ran off and started living with two strange men, hm? Well if one of them was as good looking as you, darling I think I would be fine with it! Okay, okay! Don’t give me that look, I’m just kidding! How about I fly around and see if I can find her parents? They’re probably not too far from here. I’m glad you see reason, but what am I supposed to do with her attached to me while you go off? I don’t know if I’m that great with children. Well… do what people do with children. Talk to her, play a game with her. I think you’ll do fine with her, darling. You’re pretty good taking care of Lalna and Honeydew. They’re both pretty much giant children themselves.

Me? A terrible influence? I don’t think so. Readers? Am I a bad influence on you? Come now… speak up! Ridge! They’re not going to give you an unbiased answer! You’ve already ruined their innocence, you don’t need to share so many personal details! Oh, you mean like the exact length of your- Ridge!! Don’t you dare even utter those words. You will regret it! What? I was only going to say the length of your fingers darling… they’re very long, and can reach all the right places~ R-Ridge!! My, darling! You’re cheeks are so red! You look like a walking rose! There’s no need to be embarrassed. Your finger work is divine~

R-Ridge! I- You- Stop it!! They do NOT need to hear that! Oh come now, darling! They’re curious, and besides it wouldn’t hurt to give them a tal- No! You will not be giving anyone a talk of any kind! I refuse to let you soil their innocent ears with anymore of this talk! You are so sure they’re so innocent! I bet you’d be surprised that some of them aren’t so much. That doesn’t matter, Ridge! Some of them aren’t old enough to even CONSIDER these things yet! You go on and on as you do and they-! R-Ridge! Hands to yourself!!

I know, darling. You have to admit it took him a little longer than average… Well not everyone is going to understand what their hearts already know, Ridge. It isn’t fair to tease Toby over this. If I find out you even uttered a single joke at him I’ll- And you said you wouldn’t be a good parent. Look at how protective you’re being of little Toby~! I won’t do anything like that, darling! Cross my heart and tie it in barbs. I am not being a parental unit! I’m just helping Toby with advice and keeping you from teasing him. You had better not. Or else your heart won’t be the only thing tangled in barbs. Darling! So vicious! I rather like it… Keep that hand to yourself, Ridge. There is time for that later. Darling… What could you be so busy with that we can’t do a little something now, hmm?

They’re over there, darling! Just by the chair. I want to hear this whole story when you get back! No details spared! Yes, yes alright! No details spa- OW! Oh for notchs’ sake! Careful, Darling! Oh that toe is going to hurt later…

~

Oh good you’re back, Darling! So, how did it go? Did we scar Toby for life with our naked butts? Slightly. The poor boy was coming over for advice. The one time we leave not only the front door but the bedroom door unlocked as well! Well, what’s done is done now spill! What happened? When did it happen? Calm down, Ridge! I just got back let me at least sit down before you start bombarding me with questions. I can’t help it, darling! Toby is the baby of the group. It’s hard not to get excited when good or interesting things happen to him! Yes. I know, Ridge. Now, to answer your first question. He and Martyn shared a kiss. Their first? Yes. Awwww~! I’m going to have to pinch his little face when I see him next! I was starting to wonder if anything would blossom between those two.

Yes well, I would hold off on that face pinching at least until Toby feels more confident in his feelings. You mean he’s having doubts? Not really doubts. More that he’s still a little confused. I see. So it’s going to be a little longer before we celebrate our little Toby finally admitting his love? Yes. A little bit longer. Though Ridge, I don’t want you to make a big deal out of this. Toby is having a hard enough time as it is getting his feelings sorted out. I don’t want you giving him any of your ‘advice’. What? Why not? What’s wrong with my advice? What’s wrong with it? You literally give the worst advice in these situations! I do not! Name one time! Lalna and Nano. What? All I told him to do was to show her how much he cared!