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rick: god, i need some serotonin. morty: [stands up, then immediately sits back down again] rick: ... what was that? morty: i - i forgot what serotonin was and, uh, i was about to go and get you some. rick: you’re a little confused, but your dumbass heart is in the right place.
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rick: oh my god, morty, you’re never gonna fucking believe what happened one dimension over this week
morty, huffing: i told you i don’t like intruding on- y’know, that’s, that’s their personal lives, rick! that’s not our entertainment! i don’t wanna hear it!
rick: ooh-la-la. alright, suit yourself.
morty:
rick:
morty, caving: ... i mean. it’s. he’s. he’s not killed his rick yet right?
rick: it’s not gonna be far off if that motherfucker keeps it up over there, mark my words. so c-137 made this device-
morty, firmly: don’t fucking hug me when you’re drunk. y - you throw up, y - you’re spitting all over me, it’s disgusting. it’s fine any other time, but not when you’re drunk.
rick: ... but i’m always drunk.
morty: tha- that sounds like a you problem.
“ hey e (eeurgh) verybody, my idiot grandson pussed out during our adventure today so i’m- i’m- i’m getting a kickstarter going to, y’know, maybe put him down. benefits of killing him would be scoring a morty who’s - maybe a tad bit less of a little bitch, i dunno, ”
“ --- SHUT THE FUCK UP, RICK, ”
morty huffing and staring at a sheet of his math homework trying to figure out where the fuck he went wrong too stubborn to ask for help. rick tolerates it for like ten minutes at most before he walks on by, casts it a fleeting glance and near enough immediately goes ‘that seven needs to be a five, dumbass.’ and morty makes the most annoyed yet grateful noise in the world and corrects it. that’s all their dynamic is, broken down to its bare essentials
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anonymous asked: I swear c137s Rick's antics are like the Jerry Springer show to everyone else.
“ ... again, i- i really don’t think- doesn’t it kind of, y’know, trivialise all the harm c-137′s rick is doing if everyone’s just kinda watching it unfold in real time and commenting on the whole situation without- without doing anything? i dunno if i- ”
“ don’t be a buzzkill, morty! a- and fuck jerry springer, let’s see those motherfuckers on doctor phiiiiiiiil! ”
inhales. exhales. just starts screaming, “ ... ... ... DID YOU EVEN LISTEN TO A W- W ... TO - TO A WORD I JUST SAID?! SHUT THE FUCK UP, RICK--- ”
“ FINE, FINE. jesus, chill out. no doctor phil. i- i’m picking up what you’re putting down, morty, he’s- the guy’s a hack anyway ... and so is jerry springer. y- you know what i do wanna see those two on? doctor kill. you remember that one, morty? interdimensional cable? ”
“ what the fuck are you- oh. oh, yeah, i- i do remember that one, rick! is it- they, like, talk about their feelings while they get violently stabbed to death, right? and they only call in medics if they work their issues out before they bleed out? i can’t believe the doctor phil in whatever timeline they shoot that in was- i- i can’t believe he’s actually down with hosting that. crazy multiverse, right, rick? ”
givemefreeshit replied to your post: rick: oh my god, morty ...
BARKEEP WITH HIS BOYFRIENDS AND GRANDKIDS. EVERYONE IS LIKE WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS
“ see, morty? e(eeeuuurgh)veryone loves a good bitchfest about c-137. y- you don’t have to front like you’re above it, or somethin’. ”
“ i’m not fronting like anything! i’m just- i- it’s, y’know, a little invasive- ”
