#rhymes-with-hell

If it makes you feel better, and literally no offense is intended here, but in this case your mom is way ahead in the jerk stakes. Assuming you would stay with no prior agreement is a lot jerkier than simply… going home as planned. Family obligations are tough and heavy, obviously, and your mom may be offended, but from an outside perspective you didn’t really do anything jerktastic.

Thank you, and I mean, rationally I know you are right. But theres a lot of other bullshit going on in my feelings zone. 

My dynamic with my mum is that she denies she needs any help, and then sends really subtle shaming signals when I don’t help, because what was I even doing anyway? And family is so important, etc. So I either just do what I know she wants me to do, like stay overnight and help out tomorrow, even though she hasn’t explicitly asked me to, just sent some pretty strong signals and made some assumptions that work for her

or.... I dont do it, feel incredibly guilty (because this exact dynamic has been in existence for as long as I can remember), and prepare myself for whatever future comments or implications she will make, which (although I’m 99% sure shes not conscious of this, she just does it because it works) will make me feel like I’m a terrible person because I didn’t do what she didnt ask me to do but clearly wanted.

In short, I'm not sure there's a satisfactory answer that isn't pure conjecture on someone's part.

thank you this honestly gave me peace lmao, at least im not the only one who felt this way, like obviously im not bc theres so many ppl on the planet im probably not the only one to feel any type of way, but every time i brought it up w ppl theyd just shrug like i was weird for even wondering

Bootsocks!