#rhodeytony fic

⚠️‼️English is not my first language I’m sorry for the mistakes I made 🙏

I also never went to MIT so it’s not really accurate.

Not that Rhodey would ever say it out loud. Not only because that sentence sounds like he’s back in high school (to be fair, he is sixteen), but also because Tony is his roommate, his best friend (one of his only friends in MIT) and Rhodey doesn’t want things between them to be awkward. Tony hasn’t shown any signs that he liked him back anyway (no matter how big of a flirt he is), so Rhodey didn’t see any reason to put himself out there like that. 

But it was honestly okay. Having Tony as a friend was enough. 

“Rhoooodey,” Tony announced as he walked into their dorm, and then presented him with the flyer he had in his hands, “look what I found outside.” 

Rhodey frowned but took the piece of paper out of Tony’s hands. 

Valentine’s day party! The flyer announced, Bring some love and bring some snacks. 

Rhodey made a face at the flyer, “we are not going to that.” 

Tony smirked and teased, “oh, come on, sour patch, let’s not do this song and dance again. We all know I’m going to wear you down.”  

Unfortunately for Rhodey, that statement was true. Rhodey couldn’t resist Tony’s puppy eyes. But- “Not this time, Tones,” Rhodey shook his head stubbornly and begun explaining, “it’s a Valentine’s day party. They’ll want to play truth or dare where everyone reveals their crushes and it’ll be full of couples and everyone will be making out. No, thank you.” 

“What I'm hearing is that you don’t like to make out.” 

Rhodey gave him a look, “shut up, Tones.” 

Tony was smiling but considered Rhodey’s points, “I mean... I guess you’re right. Being single in a Valentine’s day party is probably lame.” 

Tony seemed disappointed as he crumbled up the flyer and tried to score it in the trash. Rhodey frowned. Tony never folded that easily. Tony never looked that disappointed. Did the party really matter that much? 

“I’ll go with you if really you want to...” Rhodey weakly offered, and the realized that Tony really did wear him down, even this time. 

Tony shrugged, tried to play it cool. Rhodey’s frowned harder at that. “You don’t have to cave. It’s okay. I don’t really want to go. I'm just... curious to what you do on Valentine's Day.” 

Rhodey did a double take at Tony and stared at him, “you never celebrated Valentine’s before?” 

Tony shook his head, “no, not really.” 

“What, not even card making in school?” 

Tony seemed puzzled at that, as if he didn’t know that was an option, “I was focused on getting to MIT at 15.” 

“Unacceptable!” Rhodey announced, “everyone should celebrate Valentine’s at least once in some small way.” 

“I mean when I’ll get a s/o...” 

“No, Valentine’s is a day for love! And we love each other. We’ll celebrate it as friends, alright? Best Friends Valentine’s Day. We’ll give each other cards and go out for cheeseburgers. How does that sound?” 

Tony smiled genuinely, “yeah, that does sound nice.” 

~~~

Rhodey had no idea why he did that. It was a horrible idea. He basically admitted to Tony that he loved him. 

Rhodey groaned as he struggled with making it seem as platonic as possible to write a Valentine’s day card. 

‘Tones,’ he wrote, ‘you’re my best friend. You always make me laugh and astonish me with how smart you are. You changed my life and there’s not a day that I don’t thank the gods for letting me room with you. Your Valentine, Rhodey.’

It was short and seemed like he was actually taking ideas from a middle schooler, but Rhodey supposed it was good enough. 

~~~

Tony and him went to a nice restaurant to celebrate their friendly Valentine’s, and the waiter mistook them for a couple. 

“Oh no, we’re just celebrating valentine’s platonically,” Rhodey explained. 

“oh sure,” the waiter handed them the menus, “right.”

Eventually they ordered and they made conversation and laughed at each other’s jokes as they ate their food. It was nice to finally eat something that was fresh. 

When they returned to the dorm, it was time for the card exchange. 

“It’s not poetry or anything but here,” Rhodey offered Tony the card he made for him. 

“Oh, thanks,” Tony said and took the heart shaped piece of paper. Tony handed him his card wordlessly. 

Tony’s card was shaped like a plane rather than the traditional heart. Rhodey smiled. Tony probably tried to personalize it to his taste. The cut lines around the plane were shaky. Tony drew small hearts all over the card with a glitter pen. The craftsmanship made Rhodey smile wider. 

He opened the card. 

‘I think you’re one of the smartest people I know. I love how you can keep up with me. You’re so kind and caring sometimes I can barely believe you’re real. You never fail to make me laugh even on my worst days. And even when you’re a sourpatch... I love you. Romantically, if that isn’t clear. I think you’re beautiful and I’d really like to kiss you. Will you be my Valentine’s? And not just as a friend.’ 

Rhodey stared at the card. He didn’t... did Tony just confess his love to him? 

He looked up at his best friend. 

Tony smiled with his trademark press smile, and raised the card he was given, “very sweet. I like it. Do you like mine?” 

He had looked at Tony while snorting, feeling the hint of a mock in the other man’s voice, but when meeting his stare, James had actually found a sincere gaze.

“What?” Tony had asked with a raised eyebrow. “You don’t believe me?”

James had actually laughed, just a brief noise, followed by a roll of his eyes. “You’re always trying to seduce me, Tones. How can I get if you’re being serious or not?”

Tony’s pursed lips had made him lean in for a quick kiss, which Tony reciprocated with a smile. “Don’t need to seduce you” he had shrugged, before turning his look to the sky above them.

They had worked the entire evening, James organising a pile of mission reports he still had to compile and Tony fiddling with the latest innovation for his suit. James had had to force him to stop working for a while just to eat something for dinner, and then he had succeeded into bringing Tony to the rooftop of his mansion in Malibu, and they had been stargazing for the last few hours.

“Rhodey” Tony had called, his eyes fixed on the celestial sphere.

James had turned at the nickname, waiting for Tony to go on. He had noticed in him a melancholic mood all night long, a glimpse of nostalgia in Tony’s words, in the pained look he was directing at the sky.

“Yes, sweetheart?” he had tried to encourage him.

Tony had bit his lips, before adding. “You know, we’re looking at stars that may no longer exist right now” he had squinted his eyes slightly. “They may have died, but their light is reaching us only now, so they still look alive from here.”

James had been silent. He knew that Tony knew he was well aware of these facts, but if Tony thought that it was important to point them out in that moment, there must have been a reason. He had nodded.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Tony had then asked. “Isn’t it beautiful that we’re here, and we get to see the light of these stars that are dead, and we get to look at this sky and we get to experience something that is way bigger than us and still we are a part of it, isn’t it frightening, but beautiful?”

Tony’s breath had shortened, his fingers had tightened around the blanket they had brought with them, hands gripping at the fabric perhaps looking for a kind of stability.

He hadn’t said that aloud, still James had understood what he wanted to say. He knew Tony was afraid, was scared to his core of what could happen. He knew it because he was there when nightmares would wake Tony up, when intrusive thoughts would chase him, when he gripped at James’s shirt with the same desperation he was gripping at the blanket right now, his eyes filled with images of the wormhole, of a reality he couldn’t ignore nor come to terms to.

And James had nodded again. He had nodded fervently, trying to make Tony loosen his grip, so to take his hands into his own, before holding and drawing him closer. “It is” he had assured. “It is. It’s beautiful. It’s rare, and beautiful, and we’re lucky.”

Tony had let out a muffled noise against James’s chest. Maybe a chuckle, or maybe a hiccup, he couldn’t tell.

“It’s all for you, Honeybear” he had repeated, trying to leak some charm in his voice, but coming out as fond and a little scared.

And James would have given anything to make him repeat it, to hear Tony say loud and clear those words again, almost as if the fact that it was Tony who was saying so could actually convince him that it was true, that the universe had been indeed made to be seen by his own two eyes.

And now he sometimes regrets it. He regrets not having asked it, not begging: “Say that one more time, I want to write it down, please. I need to write it down.” 

READ ON AO3 

~* ~

You love two things, beyond reason and sense, a deep abiding love that fills you up and shapes you. 

It’s different from the love you have for your family, that warm constant thing that grounds you, holds the warm clay of you and crafts you. That is the bedrock and base, who you are, in your heart, a gift from your mother and father and sister. 

That is different. 

These--these you chose, and you didn’t. You don’t remember choosing, is the thing, you only know you have loved them both, madly, fiercely, endlessly. 

~*~ 

Your daddy takes you to a Air Fest, one summer you visit your uncle in Georgia. The air is thick and muggy, the heat almost unbearable but the planes--the planes are brilliantly beautiful, sleek and powerful and you watch, skin burning and mouth dry, so hot you drench your thin tshirt, and you can’t look away, not from the showy flyboys making those pretty birds dance, not when they spiral so high you squint to see them in the glare of the sun, not when the crowds gasp as the plunge back to the earth. 

You watch them, beautiful and daring and you ache, because you want and you fall in love. 

~*~ 

You meet him in your lab class. He’s so small you don’t even notice him at the table until you’re already clearly headed toward it and his eyes are huge and scared, but trying not to be. He looks at you like he knows you want to turn back, walk away, like he’s ready for that rejection--and you keep walking, drop yourself down on the stool next to him and give the kid a smile you don’t feel yet. 

He smiles, small and sweet, and you don’t know yet, what that smile means. 

You don’t know yet, that it’s precious and rare, that Tony smiles at the world a thousand ways, but he smiles like this for only a few people, and you are one of them. 

You don’t know yet. 

You smile at him and you offer your hand. “James,” you say, and he shakes it shyly as the professor comes in. 

“The person sharing your lab table is your partner for the semester,” he shouts, and Tony’s hand twitches in yours, instinctively jerking away. You tighten your grip, hold him still, steady, and grin.

“Looks like it’s me and you, kid.” 

~*~ 

They both hated that they had to do it. They hated their system, the system. The way they had to hide. They carefully concealed hidden messages within their writings, within their words, within their actions. They did it within their letters, within their texts, within their phone calls. And if they slipped up, Rhodey would live in fear for at least a month.

They had it with their visits too. Rhodey visiting a friend from college on his leave was too suspicious. Visits to his family? Not so much. 

So Tony bought a house in Philadelphia and that was their cover. Rhodey would spend most of his time in his childhood home, and then he would go and visit “an old childhood friend” for about five hours. 

It wasn’t enough for either of them. It wasn’t enough, the short time, the secrecy, or the fact they had to have a system. That they couldn’t just be out and honest. But after long stretches of not talking to each other, out of necessity or because they were in a fight... they knew it was worth it. 

When they were young, they both got a thrill out of hiding their relationships. Passing kisses and acting innocent when someone else walked into the room, laughing when they left because their secret was the most precious and thrilling thing in the world. But back then, they saw each other almost everyday. Back then, Rhodey didn’t see how the people who were discharged for liking the same gender, lives fell apart. Back then, Rhodey didn’t feel the anxiety because he thought someone saw them holding hands. Back then, Rhodey didn’t realize that this wasn’t some trick they were playing, a game of hide and seek, but it was his life and his career. 

They liked getting into trouble when they were younger, liked the thrill of never getting caught, but now, the electricity shooting up his spine was from anxiety, from fear. Rhodey didn’t find it fun to hide anymore. He wanted to be allowed to get caught. They weren’t doing anything wrong. 

“I feel like a mistress,” Tony once confessed to him with a sigh, “or like an inmate who only get conjugation visits once a month.” 

“I’m sorry,” Rhodey told him, “I really do wish that we could have more.” 

Tony smiled sadly, “I just miss your world. The military, your family, everything about that... you used to share that with me. You used to show me your plane designs, take me home to see your family, introduce me to your ROTC friends. I haven’t even met your niece.” 

Rhodey smiled sadly back at him, “she’s amazing, Tony. I wish you could see her,” he ran the back of his palm over Tony’s cheek, “and my world misses you too. But we can’t. We have to pretend we’re just old college friends.” 

Tony melted into the touch but shook his head, “even if we weren’t together, I don’t think we could be just anything.” 

Rhodey hugged him, “yeah. I know. And one day, we can show that. One day it’ll be different. One day.” 

Rhodey promised him that every time, and so far, that hasn’t come to pass. 

~~~

They didn’t hate the house in Philadelphia, though. Tony decorated it every year, and Rhodey always laughed when he walked into the house to find its style has drastically changed from one extreme to the other (from goth to extra modern to french cottage). He always kept the bedroom the same, filled with the bed sheets Rhodey found the softest, the pillows Rhodey found the most comfortable and the blankets Rhodey found weighed just right when they lay on top him (Tony always said it was because “only the best for my solider” but Rhodey knew Tony was trying to get him to stay the night. He rarely caved). The bedroom was decorated with pictures from milestones of their lives, and a box with every letter they sent to one another, paired with the one they really wanted to send. Tony always left a few of his clothes in the closet, the ones he knew Rhodey liked to burrow, and in return, Rhodey left some of his clothes behind as well. The bedroom was in the complete middle of the house, no windows looking on from the street, no one that needed to be fooled. It never changed because the bedroom was hidden. Things that were hidden didn’t need to change for the world. 

The bedroom was their sanctuary, their privacy. 

“Do you ever think we could live here?” Tony asked him one day, playing with his fingers. “I mean, I’d have to change the furniture downstairs, but otherwise...” 

Rhodey glanced at him, changing positions os they were laying side by side, face to face. “I don’t know,” Rhodey admitted. He never thought about it before. “I guess it would make my mom happy. And it’s not a bad place. ...You think about things like this?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, sheepishly, “pretty much the only thing keeping me going is the difference one day.” 

This wasn’t the first time Tony told him that, but it made Rhodey soft all the same. Most days, it was the only thing keeping him going too. “I think I’d rather live somewhere where my mom couldn’t burst in whenever she wanted to. And I know you would like somewhere close to your company, like New York or California.” 

“I don’t like my places in Cali or NYC,” Tony complained, “this is the only place that feels like home to me. When I’m with you.” 

Rhodey didn’t know how to respond to that. He missed Tony beyond imagination when they were away, but at least he had his job, his friends, and dangers to keep him distracted. Tony had none of that. His only distractions were booze and gambling and his only friends were his bots. He wished Tony didn’t feel so lonely. 

“I guess I could see it,” Rhodey indulged him, “the two guest bedrooms could be for our kids. They would grow up spoiled and won’t want to share a room. We could have a grill and a picnic table out back.” 

Tony grinned at him, “we could build a treehouse on the tree outside, and get a nice big flat screen TV.”

“No flat screen TV. I like my quality shitty.” 

“We could fight about it later.” 

“Yeah,” Rhodey let out a bittersweet smile, “one day when it’s different.” 

~~~

3: A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

James Rhodes had been in love with Tony Stark for the majority of his life. Loving Tony was easy. It was like stumbling backwards and suddenly tripping. An easy mistake, easy to miss it happening until it happened. But oh, what a good mistake it was to make. It was good as he was in his workshop and Tony had his heart open to him and Tony was his best friend.

Loving Tony was easy but it was sometimes painful too. Sometimes Rhodey couldn’t breathe with how much he loved Tony and how much Tony didn’t love him back. Sometimes he took a deep breath to marvel at how amazing Tony was and the breathes quickly turned into coughs, realizing he could never have such wonder in his arms. 

One day, as he coughed, petals fell from his lips. 

Oh no. 

~~~

“Where is he?” Tony said, panicked, his eyes demanding as he talked to the hospital’s receptionist. “Where’s James Rhodes?” 

The receptionist, seeing how panicked he was, acted calmly, checking the patient’s name for him and seeing what room he is in. As if anyone could forget War Machine getting into a hospital. “Floor 4, room 36,” she replied. 

Tony’s hand tightened around the edges of the desk, “what happened to him?” 

“I’m sorry, sir, I can’t say-” 

“I'm Tony fucking Stark, so will say and you’ll say it now.” 

To the receptionist’s credit, she hasn’t flinched, but her eyes did go wider. “Hanahaki disease,” she replied, voice slightly less calm.  

Tony’s rapid heartbeat stuttered to a stop. 

~~~

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony asked, speaking in a whisper. 

Rhodey was shocked by how good Tony reacted to his condition. Tony asked the hospital to take him home so Rhodey could have privacy and Tony had quietly taken care of him, no questions asked. Tony had always been nosy. Rhodey expected Tony to demand to know who it was, how to fix it, forcing Rhodey to tell him that “it’s you! It’s always been you” and watch Tony’s crushed expression as he’d feel guilty for being the source of Rhodey’s death. But Tony asked no such thing. This was the first time he’d spoke to him in a while, in fact.

“You know why, Tones,” Rhodey said with a weak smile, “we’re too alike. Why didn’t you tell me when you were dying?” 

Tony sighed, burying his head in his hands, “because you would have tried to save me.” 

Rhodey nodded, “exactly.” 

“But, Rhodey...” Tony said, desperately, grabbing Rhodey’s hands with a nearly bruising force, “you can be saved. Let me save you. Please.” 

“Tony,” Rhodey squeezed Tony’s hands back, but more weakly than Tony, since he didn’t have much strength left, “I don’t want to be saved.” 

“I don’t care what you want!” Tony growled, “you’re dying. You can’t tell me you prefer it this way!” 

Rhodey smiled at him fondly, “but I do if I can have this.” 

Tony blinked, at once realizing what Rhodey was saying. Rhodey looked away neither confirming or denying that statement. He could have meant this love but at a flash Tony realized how Rhodey looked at him. Like he was in love. 

“Kiss me,” Tony demanded, breathless with Rhodey’s admission. 

Rhodey whipped his head towards him, staring, “what?” 

“Kiss me,” Tony repeated, “kiss me and it’ll cure you.” 

“Tony...” Rhodey mumbled, “it won’t. Not if it’s just to cure me...” 

“Then kiss me,” Tony repeated, getting closer than possible to Rhodey, lips almost touching, “please.” 

Rhodey’s eyes drifted to Tony’s lips. And he pressed their lips together in a soft, brief kiss. 

His father was an atheist, but his mother was religious. He remembered going to church with her when he was young and praying for stupid shit like an A+ on his test or a new robot toy. He loved the sense of community, the belief that someone could work miracles just for him, he loved how it answered all the questions science couldn’t. 

When Tony grew up, he felt God less and less. How could he feel them? All he could feel was the bruises on his skin, and the pain of being sent away from his mom, from his family. He went to boarding school and grew away from his religion. He started going against it, stopped trying to be kind, stopped going to church and praying, realized science could explain away everything he thought Christianity could. 

He went to MIT, and Rhodey had noticed his struggle, the way he was growing away from his mother because of this. 

“You’re atheist?” Rhodey asked. Rhodey himself was Jewish, lighting Sabbath candles, eating Kosher and going home for Hanukah, not Christmas. 

Tony hesitated before saying, “I don’t know.” 

Rhodey nodded, “that’s okay. I’d like you no matter what you believe in.” And he wasn’t talking about himself. 

When his parents died, that’s when Tony hit rock bottom and decided to throw away his religion entirely. What God would do this? What God would take his family, his mother, away from him, and on Christmas nonetheless? No God, Tony concluded. 

He moved in with the Rhodes family when things got especially bad. When Tony drank so much he could no longer remember what it was like not to be drunk. When Tony cried hysterically to Rhodey over the phone, because life was unfair.  

Living with the Rhodes family was better. Tony felt a sense of family he hadn’t felt in years. He felt tight embraces on his back, warm smiles sneaking onto his face, and warmth in his hands when they were held under the table. He felt friends and community and love, so much love. 

“Tony, do you want to light the fifth candle?” Mama Rhodes asked. 

Tony raised a brow, “are you sure?” 

“Yeah, there are five. We all lit one,” Rhodey dragged Tony towards the Menorah, “c’mon, it’s fun.” 

So, Tony did it, because he felt like he should. And, when the Rhodes family and him all gathered around the Menorah, all watching the pretty light, Tony felt something. Love and family, yes but... God too. He had felt God for the first time in years. Because the scene he was in? It was a Hanukah miracle, and that could only happen because of Adonia. 

And maybe. Maybe Tony was just praying to the wrong God all along. Maybe he should have been praying to Elohim.

“I’m thinking of converting to Judaism,” Tony tells Rhodey, anxious about his reaction. 

Rhodey looks at him, surprised, “is this about the joke my Mama made? You don’t have to convert for us to get married, Tones.” 

“It’s not,” Tony promises him, “I just. Don’t think you could ever be wrong about something.” 

Rhodey laughs, but he understood what Tony meant. He understood how Tony felt.