Fifteen.
The year has gone too fast. More productive than the last, though. I don’t know how this new year of my life has started. It may already be the worst one yet. I don’t know when I’ll know one way or the other, I only hope it’s soon. Lack of information has never sat well with me. Delina is progressing well. I’m proud of her. Ashamed that in such a short time she has seen too many of my less appealing sides, caught me at weaker points, but her own strength grows. She used a healing mist to calm a deranged sapling. I’ll endeavour to teach her more medical things as we go, she is naturally inclined to help people. And she worries she will be useless. There is nothing more useful than someone who can save your life in a critical moment. Adaline---the human girl. Older than myself in time, but just a child. Shelter and steady food have her looking healthy. Even happy in some lights, it’s good to see her getting strong. I’ve had no luck yet finding a human family that is suitable. I don’t know if I should be looking for one with or without their own children. She would be so loving to siblings---but what if she was neglected for their blood children? That wouldn’t do. I still hope to find a family and a parent that will be able to instruct her magic as well. To be carefully guided to grow into her magic by someone she trusts and loves, who loves her back--that sounds ideal to me. That family is out there and I will find it for her. In the meantime, I will begin her instruction. She’s seen none of the world--so I will begin on that too. Queensdale, the Source. Places beyond the city. She’s never seen a forest or an ocean. I’m excited to show her. Tyria is such a beautiful place, there are so many things I want to share. The sapling case moves slowly. I have some ideas and rough plans. I’ll need to speak with Oaken about putting them into action--I’m going to need people. On their own will, just to help dig into some information with me. Now that I’m not in the Silverwastes, I’m also looking into ways the Coalition can prove the worth of sylvari. That takes up some reading time of a morning. Until now, the last moonlit moments of my first day being fifteen. I still don’t know where he is, what his answer is, or if he even breathes to answer at all. I made some reference to his plight in the kitchens, but only Santii (and Rhionna, though Rhionna doesn’t know the full extent of who he is and what it means) knows it is him. Only they know that I asked for a second chance. If we are wrong or right, I don’t know. Perhaps he is a mistake I long to make a second time, or perhaps he’s the partner Mother intended on our making. I know that I miss him, and I know that I love him still. I was never forced to make a choice between him and the coalition, I convinced myself of that. That was my mistake. Things will need to be different if it’s to work. I can’t tell him who, or what, to be. I have to accept his work and who he works for, so long as it doesn’t endanger myself or the coalition. I’d like him to see me, as I am. Flawed and growing. I’d like him to try and make peace with the coalition, so they can see the way he loves me. I’d like to start slowly. To rediscover each other. If it’s to be, then it will be. If not---perhaps my heart can rest knowing we truly tried this time. That I gave it every chance. It may all be irrelevant. I don’t know his fate yet, I’m scared. He errs on the side of arrogance, not fear---for him to be so concerned that he might not come back from an operation, it chills me. There’s nothing I can do. Just sit, and wait for this news. Even if he doesn’t wish to try again, I’ll still be overjoyed, and only because he lives. I know you’ll fight your hardest. You don’t know how to give up. But I’m begging, please fight that little bit harder. I may survive without you, and I may even find happiness beyond you, but nothing will truly soothe the break in my heart if you don’t come back.Â
