#rexrambles

Y'all. If you guys knew the week I had. I wasn't even going to the hospital for my brain anyeurism, i was physically assaulted, my counselor had to report it, and they just... found it. I feel like hell. I STARTED MY PERIOD TODAY TOO. I have to see a neurosurgeon, and I have to take care of myself for the next little, as my father is taking care of his girlfriend who grabbed my throat, but my father teached me jack shit. And I have to take care of the animals for now. I'm so sorry for clogging up y'all's pages with vents but I am trying to figure out how I can move out rn and it is. Really hard.

I used to live in a town where we had to evacuate from wild fires almost every year and that was before data centers showed up. They are turning the planet to hell

Having your racism observed and commented on, while it is somewhat "brain shattering" for white people who are in white only spaces, is, just that. An observation. Not an accusation. You could make as many backhanded comments as you so desire, such as, "they're not gonna pick you bro", but all that tells on is yourself, if, you see attempts to reconcile with your internal biases as performative. If all you want to pick up on is percieved tone, no wonder you never "get picked" or whatever you're so concerned about, because you can't healthily handle actual confrontation and criticism for the life of you.

I used to fantasize about marriage all the time. My mother married 7 times, she said I need to marry the right person, never settle. And yet she never stopped settling. I think i just wanted to be accepted. Starting to realize i'm probably on the aroace spectrum and have been somewhat hyperromantic and hypersexual across my life to overcompensate. I love all things beautiful, humans and their choice of movement particularly. Its just. In a different way than I thought