#review!

Off the bat, I must praise Seanan McGuire for writing a mtg book that is actually a pleasure to read- having waded through a lot of the other books, dear lord, its brutal out there. You should read this one if you're remotely interested in getting into the Lore.

But Seanan McGuire is, of course, very, very good at her craft- and I'm not just saying that because she's pretty famously On Here. Y'all know me, I'm a straight shooter and I don't say anything online that I wouldn't say directly to someone's face. Any criticism of story direction driven by obvious economic decisions by a mega-corporation is not a critique of her, whatsoever.

Okay, Liliana bits first, then I'll offer my two cents. This coverage is as comprehensive as possible without me re-typing the book (which you should buy); if you want just the takes, they're at the end.

The basic conceit of this is that Eula from New Capenna is offered a chance to be apart of the first multi-planar class at Strixhaven; the new kids are mentored by Kasmina, a desparked Planeswalker who we've seen before in other story asides.

It seems that losing her spark has driven a tiny bit crazy. Skill issue. You'll see in a second.

Number One Liliana Stan, Dina the Goth Dryad is the the new kids orientation advisor, and this is how she greets them as she comes up behind them:

"It would be a mean joke if Witherbloom started letting undeclared students into Professor's Vess's Botanical Necromancy seminar. You need a good grounding before you can come out of that one without zombie ragweed in your lungs. "

Kenrith twins then mentioned, Dina misses her friends :(

Annddddd she's back to full time stanning:

"Excuse me," says Kequia. "That's the second time you've mentioned Professor Vess. Do you mean Liliana Vess, the Necromancer?"

When you can't shut up about your bias. This is actually Dina's burner blog? Who can say.

"I do." says Dina, sounding delighted. "She's one of our best teachers. Viciously dedicated to the ethics of necromancy, and if you have the chance to attend one of her debate sessions with Professor Yedora, you absolutely should. Professor Vess believes the will of the living comes before the desires of the dead."

Kequia is Teferi's granddaughter. This is important b/c Teferi was one of the four pws who tried to kill Liliana on Ravnica, during the Bolas thing. (For the record, it was Jace (who is half dead), Vivian (alive), Jaya (dead) and Teferi (alive)). I can imagine meeting the President and Founder of the Liliana Stan Club was a shock given the shit I'm sure Teferi talks at home.

"She's from Dominaria, same as I," says Kequia. She sounds uncomfortable. "Grandfather mentioned her, but ever if he hadn't, she's a little, well, infamous. Some of the things she's done - I'm amazed she's still alive. I guess she came here to start over."

There's a large amount of school introduction, some cute Dina and Killian stuff, then the new kids meet Kasmina, who comes across as a dedicated mentor and scholar of Planeswalkers, and that they all have planeswalker embers that could ignite under the right circumstances.

This bit is also just like, a beautifully done crash course in Magic physics and is the kind of writing that is incredibly difficult to do- this is why I'm not a professional, I was gnashing my teeth in envy of the prose. Please go buy this book.

Sidebar: Elspeth mentioned! "The Archangel Elspeth still moves between worlds"

Kasmina is very clearly going to try to kill or steal one of these kid's sparks, as soon as she figures out the mechanics. That's where she's encountering trouble, because it seems she's not very good the theft bit.

Time passes, things happen, the students settle in. Eula and co. goes to ask Kasmina a question during office hours and overhears Kasmina talking to someone new...

The other [voice] is unfamiliar, female, mellow and cultured, with the ghost of an accent that sounds almost like Kequia's own, Dominarian and distinct and of out place here on Arcavios. "-being unreasonable, Mina. You know this isn't the way." "Who are you to tell me what the way is or isn't? You've already given up on any hope of recovery. We don't know this is forever. We don't know this is a permanent change."

The Problem with being Liliana thee Vess is when you're telling someone else that their idea is batshit insane, they can just say, "Coming from you?" And she's got to go: "Yeah, coming from me, so you know it's nuts."

Basically, the Quandrix nerds say the Omenpaths are stable, Lili points out that the planes are already doing interconnected commerce, and that Kasmina is endangering the lives of a lot of people with whatever her half-baked plan is, and she'll have no part in it. Then she sweep out, serves cunt, and makes it clear that she knew the students were there the entire time.

(Has she given up? Or does she just think your plan is dumb? More on this further down)

Kasmina mentions she's looking for an omenpath with some moths. Ball knowers are aware that: The Moths are Bad News.

Aminatou, the Fateshifter, is extremely cool as a concept, but she's also an eight year old girl with the power to manipulate destiny and time as she sees fit- and, once again- as an eight year old- she's temperamental and fickle. Kasmina asking Aminatou to be resparked is like asking for knife and a nuke drops instead. It's that bad.

Which is probably why Liliana thinks your plan is dumb as shit, Kasmina.

This official art is noncanon but it is cool

Time passes, other characters have things happen, there's a lot of really cool world building that's smoothly integrated into how the inter planar students are adapting to campus. This quote is interesting:

"So is magic, when you press enough of it into one place that it starts having opinions about the world. Your magic is a part of you. When you make a shield, it's still yours."

Hang on, I'm cookin' here.

The merfolk Alandra has a minor mana crisis, and to remediate this, the kids decide to take her into the Witherbloom swamp. Surely nothing bad will happen out here. (As a swamp person myself, the descriptions actually made me pretty home sick, lmfao)

The kids have been dealing with xenophobic bullying the entire time they've been here, but out in the swamp alone, they're full on attacked by masked assailants who want them to leave. They fight them off, and as they're staggering back out of the bayou, a light flickers on past the trees, and a calm mellow voice that's probably British sounding-

"Hatred is better than indifference. And I am not indifferent to your challenges to curfew. Here, if you would please."

They have unfortunately awoken the most dangerous thing in this swamp- Professor Vess. Who knows exactly who they are, and wants to know why the hell they're waking her up and raising massive storms in the middle of the night. She's in a black robe, with an elegant chignon.

She doesn't look like she just woke up. She doesn't look like the kind of person who ever relaxes enough to sleep, but instead the kind of who leans in a corner with her eyes open for a few hours, watching spiders spin their webs across her face.

Eula, I have become very fond of you. Please don't die.

This entire chapter is a goldmine of Classic Vess Bullshit, I'm having a hard time picking highlights. After telling one of Kasmina's owl spies to fuck all the way off, she hauls the kids into her living room, and scolds them kids for tracking mud in on her rugs. Kequia is the only one the appropriate level of freaked out to be in Liliana's parlor.

"I was a Planeswalker." Liliana corrects mildly. "Like so many others, I was deemed naughty after the Invasion and have been sent to time-out to think about my crimes. My spark no longer burns."

(So... she thinks this is temporary, at least for her?)

She explains some of the pws are relieved, some of them are trapped, and some would do anything to have their sparks ignite again. She also makes a fairly heavy handed comment that you can't trust all former pws. cough, Kasmina, cough.

"You could have been seriously injured. The trudges don't ask why you're there, they just eat you, and you'll find your classes much harder if taken while decomposing. Would any of you like some tea?"

Not beating the British allegations here, like at all. Liliana turns to make them all tea, in her predictably witchy looking kitchen. Kequia attempts to warn the gang about who they're about to have tea with:

Kequia turns to the others, whispering fast and urgent: "My grandfather's told me stories about her. She was a great necromancer from our home plane. She destroyed her family, consigned her ancestral homeland to defilement and decay, and made bargains with demons to have power and eternal youth. She's ... not a very nice person." "Did he also tell you how I fought alongside the Gatewatch on more than one occasion, or that I only ever raised armies of the dead against people who deserved it?" asks Liliana mildly. Kequia squeaks, turning to see the necromancer standing in the kitchen doorway, still looking more than half amused by the situation. "Not that anyone ever feels like they deserve an army of the dead, I suppose, but it's subjective in a lot of ways. I didn't ask how you take your tea."

Eula's a little disappointed that the Liliana Tea Experience doesn't include summoning demons, but you can't have everything- and notes that Liliana's place is decorated with all kinds of things from all kinds of planes. Her taste is exquisite. She returns, everyone's tea is perfect, and Liliana muses on cultural hegemony:

[She] looks up to find Liliana watching as intently as a cat watches a mouse. "When I was first starting to walk the planes, it was the little things I had to learn to watch out for, the little things that always gave us away." Liliana says. "Now that the omenpaths are open, I wonder how many of those little things will be sanded into dust and brushed aside. How long before everything's the same everywhere you go, and no one drinks New Capenna hummingbird tea any long?"

She's like 250 plus ish years old guys, let the old woman have a little ramble.

Then the kids fall into her cunning trap: Dominarian social customs.

"Now that everyone has had a cup of tea, meaning each of you has accepted my hospitality and will be expected to repay it in proper kind, why were you all in Sedgemoor?"

The fiend! She's got them by their honor!

So, the kids start to spill, and Alandra expresses how she was upset about how Dominaria unleashed the Phyrexians upon everyone, which Liliana has Some Thoughts On.

She planes-splains Dominarian history, Yawgmoth takes some strays ("megalomaniacal bastard"), and she points out that the plane hurt worst by the Phyrexians was Dominaria itself. Trust her. She was there for most of it.

Liliana talks about the Invasion, and Eula sees that she has as much PTSD about it as her parents and peers do.

Then Lili talks about losing her spark:

"I tried to reach across the Blind Eternities to return to Dominaria, to check on my friends, and no echo answered me. I had been extinguished, and I hadn't even noticed the loss. I, who notices the death of flies, didn't feel the death of my own soul. Perhaps there hadn't been enough of it left for me to notice the loss. I was... distraught? I suppose is the best word. Displeased is the least."

First, she def still has her soul. Gideon didn't die for nothing. Second, she was looking to check on Chandra :( Third, I don't think Liliana "my full body demon contract tattoos all tend to hemorrhage when I use my cursed artifact but I keep doing it anyway" Vess has the normal response to pain. I think Liliana's soul has been screaming since she was 15 and it's kept screaming ever since. She's just been ignoring it the way she always does- everyone else's very different response is proof of that.

I think the pw's souls being maimed is a serious issue. But more on this in a second.

"As a punishment, you're going to stop dancing around the question and tell me why you were in Sedgemoor." "I was trying, and you interrupted me." protests Alandra. Liliana eyes her. "Surely that's not right." Eula opens her mouth, thinks better of it, and sips her tea instead of saying anything. If Liliana - Professor Vess- wants to toy with them as punishment for trespassing, well, there are worse and more painful punishments they could be enduring right now."

Gaslight. Gatewatch. Girlboss.

They explain that they're out here to help merfolk Alandra with her mana imbalance, which Lili approves of, but scolds them for the timing and not considering the paperwork they could have caused her if they died. Liliana subtly demonstrates she understands how things work on Fiora, but the Fiora boy misses the implications.

Then, interestingly, because of everyone's assorted honor based cultures, they start lying their asses off- telling Liliana that they got jumped by a crocodile, and not by other students. Which is a pretty funny thing to tell Liliana "two dozen undead crocodiles" Vess, tbh.

She straight up tells them she knows they're lying like shit, but no one's dead, so it's fine. She tells them to drink their tea, then stop having unauthorized crocodile fights in "my bayou", then throws them out.

The bullying intensifies. Eula has a parlay with some of them, and trust Seanan McGuire to have a good point about the ecological impact of crossplanar contamination.

Eula gets kidnapped and left to die in an explosive rigged Omenpath. The Fiora kid saves her, and they canoodle about it.

MEANWHILE: while they are getting busy, poor Kequia, who was minding her own business, thinking about weird moths (not good!!), gets waylaid by a pack of scholars from her home plane of Dominaria, who wish to speak to her. She panics, assuming something is wrong with her grandfather, and they won't tell her what's going on- but bluntly, they should have brought him, if only so they had someone of a similar age and stature to Tangle with the Vess.

Kequia walks into an academic clusterfuck of a dick measuring contest. These mages from her home plane are there to poach and guilt her back home, but did not reckon with dealing with Liliana. Kasmina is there too, but she's much less invested than Lili, who defends her student's choices and actually treats Kequia like a person, and not a chew toy.

"Notice how it's always 'great things', says Professor Vess to Kequia mildly. "We forget that 'great' and 'terrible' become interchangeable when looked at from a sufficient distance, like history can sand the edges off atrocities." "Lady Vess," says Chancellor Feren sharply. "I hardly think you're one to speak of atrocities." Professor Vess makes a disinterested humming sound and sips her tea.

What's in the tea cup Lili? B/c precedent suggests wine.

Kasmina is revealed to have picked the students, with Lili's input. Which basically means that Kasmina picked the ones most likely to spark, and Lili kept her oar in to keep an eye on Kasmina. The two of them tag team the rogue Tolarians, and Lili negotiates them to an accord, while Kequia is excused.

That Same Evening: Kequia and Alandra are kidnapped, and poor little Orestes the baby drake is hurt. The other kids rescue them, fighting their way out of a captive hurricane on the Prismari campus; when lo and behold, guess who shows up to save them.

"...[she] gapes at the sigh of Professor Vess stepping out of a pool of inky shadow."

I mention this, only to say that that's what Lili's planeswalking looks like- is that what her teleporting resembles too? Who knows!

Lili hauls them back to her place, in assorted states of injury, and explains why calling Kasmina is a bad idea.

"She would slit my throat without hesitation if she thought it would reignite her spark. She would hold my hand while I bled out, and tell me she was sorry, and promise to carry my body home to Vess Manor to rest among the bones of my ancestors, but she wouldn't put down the knife."

The kids catch Lili up on the evening's joint kidnappings, Lili learns a great deal about the harassment they've been dealing with. Orestes, who is a tiny little drake, frets over injured merfolk, and Liliana has to explain for like the hundredth time that she did have a job before becoming a career war criminal:

"Come here and let me patch the tears in your wing." "You?" asks Kequia, clearly way. "Yes, me," says Professor Vess. "I was a healer before I was anything else, and I learned the ways the body moves and mends itself in the course of learning to understand my magic."

Liliana pets the drake (cute!) and explains that she's got to stay up on her skills until if/when they find a stable omenpath back to the Caligo Morass, specifically. The kids ask why.

"Because her" - a quick jerk of the chin toward Kequia- "reaction to my name isn't an uncommon one. I had a very long time to do a lot of very questionable things. Not all of them were as bad as some people would make them out to be, but some of them were even worse. I made deals with demons, I raised armies, I killed people, even if I didn't always do it with my own two hands, and I desecrated more graves than there are hairs on my lovely head. Every monster in your storybooks has their own version of the truth, and my truth is this: I became what I became for what seemed to be the best of reasons, and I remained what I was out of selfishness and necessity. My choices were often enough my own that I deserve the guilt for my crimes, and often enough someone else's that I deserve a chance at redemption. At... a quiet life beside a swamp that welcomes my presence, knows and appreciates me, where I can teach the next generation of mage scholars to avoid my mistakes."

Holy shit, it's the Liliana thesis statement. It can never be said that she's not self-aware. Seriously, Seanan McGuire's pen was on FIRE with this one, this is BARS.

Also, it's killing me that it was equally important to tell the kids that she did all that, but she looked good doing it.

She fixes the little drake and tells him to be a good boy- and reveals that she knows all of their families in one capacity or another. She thanks them for being honest, and orders them not to go hunting for their attackers until she can gather more intel. Nobody liked that, but nobody was gonna say it to her face.

Later, in a dream, Kasmina reveals to Eula that all the off plane students have been stealing from the library and/or doing shady shit, which is actually pretty funny, and her real feelings on Lili:

"You shouldn't be listening to the moralistic bleating of a villain who treats the loss of her spark like it doesn't matter, who thinks she can transform into a hero after everything she's done."

☝️a villainess, it should be noted. Kasmina is also pissed none of them have sparked yet, and Eula sees the Blind Eternities for the first time.

I am 369 pages in (nice) and I'm so Liliana pilled I have just now noticed the main love interest (the Fiora boy) is trans! #observant

Kasmina kidnaps Orestes, has been behind all the other attacks. I'm thinking that the punishment for this needs to be on the order of two dozen zombie crocodiles. There's a big explosive showdown, Kasmina disappears, but not before dropping this lore knowledge:

the Kenrith twins were the first class she was experimenting on

She calls Lili a rat in human form, which is technically incorrect. Lili is a squirrel.

She tries to traumatize them into sparking by separating the Snarl and destroying the plane.

But none of that is the important part. This is the important part:

"An ancient dragon gave me the idea, before all this began. A candle can light itself from another's wick. If you ignite, the shock of your spark realizing what it was always meant to be should be enough to reignite my own. I'll burn with you."

🚨🚨🚨 this is BAD, very specifically the ancient dragon part. I'll explain in a second.

After some massive explosions and saving the plane, Kequia and the minotaur girl Jamira are in lesbians. Kasmina has disappeared.

To the shock of no one, Professor Vess steps in as their advisor- she wants to make them take their class over again, but can't legitimately force it.

She tells them to find someone else to bother during the upcoming festival, because she'll be observing it in her own manner and does not wish to be disturbed- part of what she's doing is fixing the Snarl they broke.

"The Snarl has almost fully recovered, but I'll be feeding it mana to help that process. Tanazir and Galazeth have agreed to come and aid me with the restoration." "Aren't those two of the Founder Dragons?" asks Alandra eagarly. "Yes, and if you are all very well behaved while semi-supervised on campus, I will ask if either of them has time to listen to your inane rambling."

Girl, I have some power scaling questions here, and certain suspicions about what your ass is lying about.

Anyway, we wrap it up with the kids looking forward to going on break together and the program will continue next year; as "punishment" they'll have to stay together and be RAs for the incoming class, which Lili will recruit, saying "We can help each other. Knowledge will unite us."

The Takes

Thank you to the two of you who have read thus far. I now present: The Takes.

From a purely economical standpoint, it's clear that they desparked the Planeswalkers to sell more cards with popular characters on them who can be your commander in the Commander format. This is obviously the format that they think they can get the most money from, and what they're pushing. This book, for example, which is supposed to be a hook into the magic lore, came with a holographic Command Tower card, which is exclusive to that format. This is further evidenced by the de-sparked gender divide; most of the desparked planeswalkers are the female ones, who are the ones who will sell the most cards, based on the mostly male audience for the game. What's weird is that Planeswalkers are the primary gimmick of this game (the pw spark is literally the logo) so this pivot makes less and less sense than just fixing the commander rules. We can have omenpaths AND planeswalkers. It doesn't need to be one or the other.

From a worldbuilding standpoint, Seanan McGuire is the GOAT of biological ramifications (the Rammies, if you will) and presents many of the issues at play here, including the cultural, biological, and economic ones, as well as treating with the serious PTSD issues that the entire multiverse is handling post-Invasion. Kasmina couldn't get these kids to spark b/c they'd already been traumatized to hell and back.

There is about to be a massive problem with the former Planeswalkers, re: soul mangling and power scale down. Nissa has already expressed it (she can barely hear Zendikar), Kasmina was driven mad by it, I'm sure the other de-sparked pw are suffering as well. Which is bad, because: the bad guys, who are not going to suffer their souls mangled and being depowered. The evil pw know, or are going to know, that they can be re-sparked, especially since it seems like Kasmina was successful, and I'm willing to bet she'd going to spread that information around. What is going to happen when all of the evil planeswalkers re-spark themselves through assorted methods, and the good guys are still traumatized and soul mangled? And their rivals/enemies are able to get the drop on them? Equally troubling: where Kasmina got the idea from.

The Liliana Specific Problem:

Sooooo guess who is back on the loose? And probably really, REALLY pissed off at Liliana Vess? Same guy that Kasmina got the idea from! Liliana not having her spark and being able to jump away from him and/or put up a significant fight is... troubling. Which brings me to:

Is Liliana Lying?

I'm honestly not sure. She is remarkably chill about losing her spark, for someone who made that her entire personality, which could mean nothing, given the aforementioned screaming/pain tolerance. But her teleporting is sus to me, as well as: what's she doing out there with the Founder Dragons? If she's desparked, is she still just that good? (Maybe?) Or is she lying as a part of a larger bit, to get people off her back? Maybe her new serene outlook on life has really gotten to her. (Or maybe there's two dozen zombie crocodiles just waiting for the right time.)

And, lastly, where the fuck is she in the currently timeline? This book takes place the previous school year to the current storyline, where she is Not There.

Troubling. Anyway, loved the book, first physical book I've bought in like a decade, highly recommend.

my fav songs in order: 🎶

this was so hard to do mannnn and bro top 6 is AMAZING (btw this will probably change)

life of a showgirl (i love the ending how it’s like bye everyone! like it’s giving being at an actual concert it’s soooo cool)

eldest daughter (hits so hard and lyrics are amazing)

fate of ophelia (love the vibe and the tune lol)

cancelled (love the lyrics and vibe)

opalite (good vibe)

actually romantic

Elizabeth taylor

father figure

honey

ruin the friendship

wood

Wi$h Li$t

i also reeeeeally like the flash fireworks glitter vibes of this album SOOO much and i swear the album acc has like crack in it lowkey. whats ur opinion on it!! lmkkk! 🧡

Totale Finsternis: The second act starts in the most neogothic, Twilighty way possible. Remember that dark overview of the castle in the original production? Well, get ready for shaky cameras in a forest, crosses, lightning strikes, RED EYES, UUUUUHUUUUUU! Another unintentionally funny moment for me XD Then we FINALLY get rid of the screen and make way for the stage. And boy, IS THIS A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE. And I don’t mean this in a bad way. I actually found that a lot of this Totale Finsternis posed some interesting creative decisions, some of which I actually support. So, first thing, the stage: There are two areas: A gallery-esque thing with one big painting that sings the “Sei bereit...” chorus. This is where Sarah is. Krolock on the other hand is high above her in a second area. This area has a gazillion load of candles. Krolock sits at a piano and actually plays the tune of Totale Finsternis while singing to Sarah. Thomas Borchert really gets to show off his piano skills in this scene XD The entire first part of Totale Finsternis comes from him playing it in-character. He is also dressed in a red coat that looks similar to Krolock’s movie costume. And Krolock looking older in this version really does remind a bit of Ferdy Mayne in this scene. There is also a small staircase through which Sarah gets to Krolock. He rises up from his piano and is about to bite her. This is a place where I would really have welcomed a script change again. Because in this version, Krolock sounds like he almost doesn’t want to bite her, but then he talks about all of the lust and how he needs to be patient and all. So yeah, Totale Finsternis was actually really not that bad :D

Carpe Noctem: This is where the leather costumes actually make more sense because the vampires do actually seem more dangerous like that. It actually starts with the bed being somewhere in the background, with the first Nightmare Solo crawling out of the floor. The bed later gets moved and dragged around the entire stage. What I DO like about this version is that Alfred is much more the focus here. He is always there, trying to save Sarah, who at some point I think even goes away from the stage for a few moments. This Carpe Noctem genuinely feels like a nightmare of modern day vampires. Unfortunately, this is the case for the Nightmare Solos. While the first one sounds fantastic, the second one...I really don’t like that singing style. But overall, it was a good Carpe Noctem rendition.

Ein perfekter Tag: Nothing really changed that much here, at least nothing that’s worth mentioning. It’s the same scene just with modern clothes and a younger professor.

Für Sarah: Due to the show’s direction with Sarah, this song kinda has a bittersweet feel to it. In this version, it is REALLY obvious that Sarah is not interested in Alfred at all, but Alfred doesn’t see this. Therefore, he is basically singing for a lost cause. He clearly loves her. She is annoyed with him.

Die Gruft: Alright, people, brace yourselves, for here comes the biggest change that this version brought with it! First of all, Abronsius gets HEADLAMPS, making him and Alfred look like cave explorers. For a brief period, this is also the only source of light on stage. Then they finally find the crypt, which looks a bit underwhelming here, to be honest. The gigantic stone sarcophaguses are replaced with smaller coffins. However, this is nothing compared what happens next. First of all, Abronsius gets stuck in such a position that he ACTUALLY CAN’T SEE the coffins this time. Wonderfully solved here. But then comes the thing: Alfred advances to the coffins, prepares to open them...except Krolock and Herbert are not in them. How do we know this? Because father, son, and Koukol are standing on the other side of the stage, watching how Alfred makes a fool of himself. Krolock was prepared for this situation. But then the question arises...what IS inside the coffins? Because Alfred clearly sees something in them! OR COULD IT BE....that Alfred was lying to the professor in this version? He could have wanted to impress Abronsius first by stating that the empty coffins are actually full. But when Abronsius ordered him to impale them, he obviously couldn’t do it and therefore lied about not being able to do it. Or DID he mean “I can’t do it because they’re not here” and Abronsius misunderstood this as cowardice? Or I don’t know, maybe Krolock put some puppets in there or dressed up some corpses and Alfred was too dull to realise that. Then comes another change: Chagal and Magda crawl out of a trapdoor on the stage, they are not actually in a coffin this time around. I find that a bit odd, but ok, if they want to go with it, sure...

Bücher: This is some interesting staging here. The library and the bathroom are located on the stage at the same time. The library is on the upper level while the bathroom is on the lower level. They are connected by a staircase. The library is a big projection this time around with only a few books physically being there, which I think is a bit of a shame. Then Alfred advances downstairs to talk to Sarah, who is sitting in a bathtub with a pink towel on her head. She is clearly completely in the Count’s grasp here, as she barely acknowledges Alfred being there. The red dress is standing behind some sort of glass vitrine.

Noch mehr Bücher: Alfred heads back up the stairs to find Abronsius, who has been reading and walking around with books this whole time. As I said, I really like the staging of library and bathroom being on at the same time as it makes for some interesting discoveries, as we see in the next bit.

Wenn Liebe in dir ist: This is where some more great changes happen XD First of all, if one looks closely, it can be seen how Herbert advances to the bath while Sarah is still in theres, she quickly gets out and exits, he gets in and he is also wearing the same pink towel on his head XD Then he starts singing, and Alfred advances down, after singing his little part. Herbert rises up from the bathtub and he is actually naked here, as the audience can clearly see his backside. Alfred is so incredibly embarrassed that he turns away, looks for a bathrobe and hands it over to Herbert so that he can dress. Now imagine this: Herbert wearing a bathrobe and a pink towel on his head dancing with Alfred. The mirror was thankfully also incorporated here. The little break in the chase scene doesn’t happen: Herbert bites the book, Alfred attempts to run, Herbert grabs him and PUSHES HIM INTO THE BATHTUB. Then he quickly jumps on Alfred, so both of them are in the bathtub now. It can’t get any more ridiculous than that XD Abronsius appears and beats Herbert away. Alfred, feeling extremely exposed and attacked, quickly gets out and they swiftly escape. I think this was a great way of changing the scene, I fully approve of this.

Sie irren, Professor: This one is also quite interesting. Alfred and Abronsius stand on a small balcony stage right and overlook and empty stage. Then Krolock appears on another balcony stage left and starts to taunt them. Except...this time he doesn’t disappear. He stays there for the second part and visibly taunts Alfred. It’s interesting to note that while he says “Alfred’s soul is already mine” he imitates Alfred’s failed attempt of impaling him in the crypt before. Then he walks away, leaving Alfred and Abronsius alone.

Ewigkeit: Alright...this is it...this is where the bad things start to happen. First of all, there are no graves, the stage is empty. The vampires just casually walk up on it and start singing their number. Ok, positives first: Herbert and Magda are both in this scene, singing along with the other vampires. Then we have Alfred and Abronsius actually watching this scene from their position. And ok, given that the vampires are much more active in this show, it makes sense that they are not crawling out of graves here. But here comes the big negative. @kahorifutunaka , you were a witness to this and I understand how you must have felt as a History student. Basically, a part of the advertisement for this show was the following: Act 1 would have the vampires dress up as modern people. Act 2 would have them dress up according to the time period they were bitten in. That’s all fine and dandy EXCEPT THE COSTUMES ARE NOT HISTORICAL AT ALL. Ok, 2 or 3 were, but THAT’S IT. NONE of the other costumes made any sense! It looked like they came straight from a carnival store! Surely the vampires must know how their time period looked like? Come on, guys! Get it right! You had ONE JOB. It’s not THAT hard to look up historically correct costumes, but you totally missed that here! Also...this song loses a big part of his meaning due to the modern setting. In the original version, they were hiding in the dark, lurking in the shadows, waiting to take over the world. Kunze’s intention was to show at the end that the vampires HAVE taken over the world in modern times and even wanted to portray them as tax collectors, politicians and corrupt businessmen, the real bloodsuckers of today. But this song indicates that they still haven’t got there. This is where script changes would have been more than welcome again. They could have sung about how humans were falling for them all the time and how they ARE the rulers of this world. But nope, instead, we got a carnival trope running around an empty stage. Also, they don’t exit through the audience here but through the orchestra pit.

Die unstillbare Gier: I have mentioned the atrocious ball costumes, yeah? Well, here comes Krolock. Oh boy...what have they done to him here? XD He is wearing a long red cape with a ridiculously gigantic collar. Then he still wears all read and huge brown boots. This costume looks like it has been smashed together from many different time periods. It looks like “Dracula meets the three musketeers” in the worst way possible! Jesus Christ, whoever designed that costume, please, I would really want an explanation for this. But then...even though it was an empty stage and Krolock looked like he just escaped a circus, this was one of the best acted Giers I have ever seen. Krolock is not as stoic as in the original production. Here he is howling and screaming in despair. But at the end, it gets ruined a bit because again, unchanged lyrics: The original version is set before the year 2000. It made sense for Krolock to speak his dark prophecy about the next millenium. Here however it makes it look like he is talking about the year 3000. I mean, how hard can it be to change a few words. In fact, here: “Prophezeit war’s euch schon lange, doch wiederhol’ ich’s heut und hier: Nun, da endlich das neue Jahrtausend beginnt, ist der einzige Gott, dem jeder dient, die unstillbare Gier!” I’m not claiming this to be a perfect rewrite, but it makes more sense than what they did. There is also another thing I would like to add: Alfred and Abronsius watch this scene as well, which I really think is a smart decision. That way they can see all of the vampiric sides.

Tanzsaal: This is also quite an interesting one. First of all, Alfred’s “They have feelings, just like us!” and Abronsius’ “Feelings? Nonsense. Duty calls!” exchange is picked up in this one again, THANK THE LORD FOR THAT. Finally, someone uses this part again! Bravo, St. Gallen! Then another thing happens: Koukol seems to openly invite Alfred and Abronsius to join the ball. He even gives them their costumes so they don’t knock out anyone here. Herbert even advances to them to sheepishly greet Alfred with a cat-like “raawwr” gesture. Then Krolock comes in through the doors (no staircase this time), and the vampires start dancing something that looks like a rendition of Thriller in front of him. Also, Magda is in the ballroom scene in this version, so that’s a plus too :D Sarah appears on an upper level of the stage and Krolock goes up to greet her. He bites her under the moonlight, but there is something else that I found quite interesting: They actually incorporated some classic vampire lore here. I know, it was picked up by the modern vampire shows but who cares? It was a classic vampire thing: After Krolock bites Sarah, he scratches his arm and lets Sarah drink his own blood. According to lore, this is what turns someone into a vampire. So props for that! Then we have the menuett, which I think has the same choreography as the original version, so nice to see that something from there made its way here. Then we get another surprise: Remember the human dwellers of the castle? Well, Krolock has them all lined up for dinner here. Jesus, they really should have changed the script because he still talks about “two mortals” being there for them. But nevertheless, when Krolock says “Suck them dry!” here, the vampires actually advance on and suck out all of the humans, except Alfred and Abronsius of course. Alfred doesn’t have a candelabra here. No, he takes a giant board off the wall and prepares to ram it into Krolock’s head. At this moment he looked like he wanted to say “DIE MOTHERF****!!!” Anyway, he and Abronsius use the diversion that is caused by the vampires sucking out the other humans, by forming not one, but TWO crosses, by placing two boards on two of the pillars of the ballroom, actively making the castle itself a crucifix. Now, THIS is where the Stage version, where the castle crumbles down like the One Ring had just been destroyed there, would have made more sense. And again, SCRIPT CHANGE PLEASE: Krolock still shouts “Koukol! Get rid of that thing!” even though there’s two things here now. Alfred, Abronsius and Sarah make their escape.

Draußen ist Freiheit Reprise: Alfred and Sarah sit on a staircase, while Abronsius goes to the completely opposite side of the stage to make his notes, where he actually can’t see them. I find this a bit more likely. What happens is pretty much unchanged: Sarah bites Alfred while Abronsius takes notes. But then, Sarah let’s Alfred take her blood, effectively turning him into a vampire! That was great!

Der Tanz der Vampire: And this is another scene that just loses a bit of its meaning in this version. Abronsius still sings about how he will protect the world and get the Nobel Prize, which still makes sense. But then Alfred and Sarah run away and the final song starts. Now...it doesn’t feel right here. In the original production, this was a massive time skip that indicated how vampires have triumphed over the last century and taken over the world. Here they still gloat about it but it just doesn’t have the same effect. And given that this version is already in the modern world, this feels like an afterparty after a slight inconvenience in the ballroom. And again, please, consider script changes, for the vampires should have conquered the world by now and not just be about to do it. A nice little extra was that at the end, Abronsius, Alfred and Sarah, and Krolock also appear on the upper level of the stage: Abronsius alone on a balcony, Alfred and Sarah together on the other one, and Krolock in the middle in front of the door he walked in before singing the Gier. All in all, pretty enjoyable.

So yeah, here we are. This was my spoiler talk for the St. Gallen production. Now...what can I say? It had GREAT moments like Wenn Liebe in dir ist and Totale Finsternis, it had pretty enjoyable moments like Der Tanz der Vampire and Draußen ist Freiheit, and it had downright terrible moments like all of the script mess-ups that the new version brought to the table and the ballroom costumes. It feels like wasted potential to me. A modern take on Tanz could have been SO MUCH better. Why have it in an asylum? You could have had it in a castle that was surrounded by a modern city where Krolock was running the city and the vampires were collecting “blood money” from the people. This would have been a reflection of the true bloodsuckers and would also be accurate to Kunze’s vision of today’s world ruled by bloodsuckers.

Is it good? Yeah, it’s ok, definitely an interesting take. Does everything work? OH BY FAR NOT. Would I recommend it? Actually...yes, I would. Because think about it: I might not have liked it so much but the statistics speak for a huge success of this version. Think about the possibilities: This could mean that we get to see other directors attempt their own takes on Tanz der Vampire, more non-replica productions and perhaps everyone will have their own preferred version by then, and wouldn’t that be amazing? So, the St. Gallen version, along with the Finnish and the Czech versions have started something that could evolve into so much more! And I hope we get to see more Tanz productions in the coming years. Ulrich Wiggers had a risky task, and I think he did pretty well as a director!