#reverse sonder?

I have such an odd fucking fear of being perceived. Like, I'll see a post that I really like and agree with, then I'll notice it's only a couple of minutes old and has very little engagement so far and therefore if I like it, the chances of the creator seeing my like are at an all-time high. And what if they go to my blog and they don't like me? Or worse, what if they actually perceive my existence as a sentient human with a life instead of just another batch of pixels on the screen that agrees with their takes?

I don't know what is causing this weird, irrational fear in me, but it's really ruining the way I interact with the spaces around me(both online and IRL, but I used a Tumblr example to be relatable) and I'd like it to go away. Like, unless I specifically personally know the person behind the post, I don't want them to know I exist.

This comes with the desire to be seen and liked by everyone, so how fucking contradictory. Like, I know that if someone likes or reblogs or comments on my post just minutes after I make it, I'm thrilled! Like, yay, someone relates to me and understands me! But I can't see that being reciprocated onto myself. Similar occasions happen in real life.