#return 0

I need someone to slap me next time I even think about animating 💔

and found out i had several continuity errors in my fic lol. to be fair, rewatching it immediately after the first time was too goddamn painful. it was a little easier this time, especially with my fic in the back of my head, neatly outlining how it would line up exactly with canon.

i might have the final push i need to get 6x01 fully drafted.

She wanted you to know that if you were a shape, you were a straight line. An arrow.

Ready to have my heart teared out again.

Especially because I know I’ll still hear Root’s voice.

Even if it’s not her. But if this is my pain at her loss, I can’t imagine what it’s like for the rest of the Gang.

For Shaw specifically. Who probably won’t let it show but will be doing insanely dangerous things to cope and to maintain her disinterest when she’ll be dying inside. I think I’d be less scared if she actually did start crying because I know that would actually be healthy for her instead of the fucked up shit she’ll likely do instead. At least Root knew how to match her level of recklessness enough to placate the emotional tsunami ready to blow.

Now? God I don’t know what will be successful in that.

Does anyone else think about his final word to Harold in Return 0?

The way he said "me and the machine have had a long standing agreement-a deal- told you. Pay you back all at once. It's the way I like it"

When did he make this deal? When he had God Mode in God mode(2.22)? During Contingency somehow? Has he spent the last 3 or so years content that he'd either dying rescuing people or saving Harold? What if he made this deal after they lost Shaw? Or when they had an open system in the beginning of season 5? He knew since early on he'd die for Harold but when did he codify it!?

Also pay him back all at once! So John truly believed he couldn't pay back the incredible favor Harold did by using John to assuage himself of his guilt from 'letting' Nathan die by dying for him!

The fact that he said this: "This is what I do remember when you came to me you gave me a job, a purpose, at first I'd been trying to save the world for so long, saving one at a time, seemed sort of anti-climactic."

Because yeah- saving one person seems small but over time you truly see the good their doing. number come back to help them (Zoe, Elias, Carter, definitely ... but also Harper, Joey, and Pierce- Even Control in her own way that team machine will likely never know know about.) You see what happened when John stopped swooping in to save the day during Pretenders and what it means that the machine was made by someone who truly thought about the implications of what he was building (and he'll be the first to admit it's not perfect!) But we literally get to watch the show build up into an action-packed and climactic series finale (pretty much the entire season 5 is so high stakes it's really impressive)

and then he finished off with "But sometimes one life if its the right life- is enough. Goodbye Harold."

and then you have to watch Harold being just as helpless as you watch John die (I don't believe he's dead but that's the experience of watching it so.) And he deliberately choose his last word to be thanking Harold and prove to him that they did THIS right. That he needs to be the one who lives- and affirming Root's sacrifice as he does so too.

For this ask meme:

Title: Metamorphosis

Read on ao3

Notes: Series Finale spoilers. Some of this was inspired by @lithiumdoll's Symbolic Constant. (My beloved). Also, possibly, an allusion to Neil Gaiman's Death. Maybe.

And then–

The image of Grace standing near her easel vanished when he opened his eyes again. He had made it somewhere, far enough he no longer heard the sirens and people. Reality and time slipped by him.

It was the crunch of boots on pebbles that alerted him first, a kindness, he imagined on her part. “Miss Shaw.”

“Hey, Finch.”

Harold felt rather than saw Miss Shaw kneel down next to him, felt her calloused hands feel for his pulse.

“You don’t look so hot.”

He let out a short laugh. “I imagine not.”

“Samaritan’s dead.”

“She did it,” he said with something of wonder.

“Yeah, the Machine kicked ass.”

“I’m glad.”

Miss Shaw pressed a heavy hand on his wound and he gasped from the sharp pain that jolted over his body. Smelled bourbon before he felt it splash over his wound and she pressed a makeshift bandage on his wound.

“Samaritan agents are all dead too.” She said conversationally, and he did not need any context clues to know she had made sure of this.

There was a heavy pause and then, “The missile hit the building. I don’t think John made it.”

Harold closed his eyes, he knew this. Still, he hoped. “I know.”

There was a brief movement, felt himself being moved gingerly to a wall. It wasn’t even painful. And then Miss Shaw was in front of him she looked at him, over him. Her hands were crisp and practiced, despite not being a doctor for years.

Once, long ago, when he realized the Machine had handpicked Sameen Shaw to join their team, he found the notes Dr. Shaw’s Chief Resident wrote. It struck Harold how much of a small-minded fool the doctor was to let such a talented and brilliant woman like Shaw go.

She was his doctor and he trusted no other doctor than Miss Shaw.

“I can’t move you, Harold.” There was an edge of frustration in her words. “If I’d made it here sooner–”

Shaw never needed comfort nor assurances but Harold regretted… He regretted too many things.

Over her shoulder, Harold fancied he saw a woman in Root’s form with a black belted coat. She smiled at him sadly and placed a ghostly hand on Shaw’s shoulder. Sharp and still.

Harold placed his hand over hers, his hand was sticky from his own blood. “I understand, Miss Shaw.”

Shaw finally stopped moving. She looked at him for a long, long moment and then she nodded. Harold watched as she wiped her hands on her pants, pulled his glasses from his face and cleaned them. Miss Shaw's features came to sharp focus when she returned them.

And then she sat next to him.

He had made it quite far after all. The Brooklyn bridge loomed over the horizon, there was smoke blooming somewhere.

“The Machine will rely on you now.”

“I don’t know anything about computers, Finch.”

The image of the woman in the black coat moved forward to stare at the bridge.

“I trust you.”

The woman -- the personification of the Machine his hallucinating brain conjured-- turned back towards them, a smile on her face. Harold angled his head and finally spotted the camera almost hidden but not quite out of sight.

“Are you ready, Harold?”

Harold felt himself smile, Shaw had a hand on his pulse, counting. “It’s been an honor, Miss Shaw.”

He imagined he heard the beat of wings, the sound of an old dial tone, and in the distance, he imagined he saw Miss Groves – Root, the real Root and John waiting for him, and just beyond, Joss Carter and Nathan.

And then–

Huevember Day 5: Ducat

Drew 2eeillustration's wonderful character Ducat! One of my favorite OCs that they have.