Husk's Hot Take: Oh, look. It’s that time of year again when everyone decides this is the year they’ll magically fix their lives, as if a new calendar is some kind of personality reset button. Newsflash, it’s not. It’s just January with more guilt and less booze left in your fridge.
I don’t get the whole “New Year, New Me” thing. What’s wrong with the old you? Aside from the crippling anxiety and questionable decisions, but hey, those build character. You think swapping donuts for kale and waking up at 5 AM to meditate is gonna make you a better person? No. It’s just gonna make you hungry and tired. Congratulations on setting yourself up for failure.
And don’t even get me started on gym memberships. Every January, gyms get flooded with people who wear matching workout sets and think sweat is just “glitter leaving the body.” Give it two weeks before those treadmills are collecting dust again. You’re not committed, you’re just guilty about all the pie you ate in December. Own it.
Honestly? Resolutions are just socially acceptable self-loathing. You don’t need a new year to change, you need therapy, a nap, and maybe a stronger drink. But sure, go ahead, promise yourself you’ll be different this time. Just don’t come crying to me when you’re crying into a pizza by February.
Happy New Year. I’ll be at the bar if anyone needs me, and no, I’m not sharing my whiskey.
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