@requisms // black mirror starter call.
“ hello . . . hi. ” andrei stands from the booth they’ve been assigned to, his coach pressed in his left hand as he extends his right ---- too formal, and too stiff, but entirely the extent of what he is comfortable with. his last relationship, short as it had been, had been with the sort of person who greeted with hugs and imposed touch no matter the mood. he hopes dearly that the woman before him does not do the same. it’s hard to tell, though. it’s always hard to tell, and though this is only his third relationship, he aches to discover some pattern, some measure of reason to this all that will make it feel organized and ordered.
as someone who is not entirely interested in the system anyway ( he cannot remember how he had become part of it on this account, and his only consolation is imagining that it justifies his current discomfort ) all he wants is to find the one with whom he’ll be ultimately compatible. not for happiness or love or any emotional reason. just because he already wants to get this over with. and he knows, with her and with every other that will follow, this is just a practice in what he really wants. a rehearsal that is already beginning to feel pointless. maybe she’s nice, maybe he’ll like her. maybe not. he cannot help that feeling that it doesn’t really matter.
but these, he knows, are not thoughts to share on the first meeting, and so long as his pairing day remains a distant and vague future, he’ll go with the system before him, no matter the frustration in him that comes of his inability to understand. so comes the same routine. an expression that is not smiling, but not sour either. a hand extended politely, because it is all he is comfortable with so long as this woman remains a stranger. eyes guarded by coldness to hide the ugly parts in him while still he figures this out. insecurity, that deep ache for isolation, is unnecessary, and thus must be pushed aside.
this is not about what’s awful in him. it’s about pushing onward despite it. so he says, knowing that he greeting is not yet enough, “ i’m andrei. it’s nice to meet you, i suppose. ”
