Critique Feedback Form - Representing the Real
PROJECT: Finding Punk (Group 14)
DATE OF CRITIQUE: 27th April 2022
TUTOR(S): Sana Bilgrami, Joe Li, Tomas Sheridan, Leo D'Andrea
VERBATIM TRANSCRIPT OF FEEDBACK:
TS: “I actually thought that, I mean jokes aside, I thought that reduces quality was quite punk. I almost wanted to see this shot on 16mm or something, like some grainy old film or something, yeah. One thing that really jumps out at me is how well you understood your character in your production, how well you researched what the story was because you… it’s quite rare even for professionals and I feel like you delivered exactly the film you said you were gonna make, in terms of his place inside a community, the feeling of like these older people that can be his friends and finding punk you know sort of… even though he doesn’t spell it out, but how punk you know, saved his life sort of thing or made, you know, created the social circle for him. It all comes across, so I think that’s quite a good example of show don’t tell, even though it’s shown with other words, but it’s like without explaining it literally, got that. So, I really like that. Yeah, I liked in terms of the cinematography, I like that there was a variety of shots again in terms of building scenes those close ups, when he’s like gonna play the bass in the rehearsal space and again, I think, like doing multiple short interviews is not only good to give you that variety of shots, to cut between it also focuses your mind because you might not be that experienced in terms of interviews so the fact that you had at least two interviews, maybe three where it just felt like every I interview was getting better and better and like you were going away and looking at what you got, understanding him better and going back for asking questions with him for more focused, more focused attention. I love… there’s some things he said that were just like, just good character chat but it’s also to your credits that you didn’t make the interview too dry and so he could go off explaining to you, you know “punk is chocolate” or when he’s like talking about the past and the future living in the present. It really sounds… it sounds a bit cliché, but it sounds like he’s like developing through this music style. So, I just thought all of these things came together nicely, and then I appreciated… so in terms of the music, obviously it’s a film that’s centred on the music. I like that you didn’t overdo it and that the music is sort of present when it’s useful, like with the vinyl or with them playing. And I also appreciated what I think Leo suggested to another group, which was like fading in and out of the music - so not having the music when we’re talking and then having it fade in and then fade out with the same visuals. So that… I mean these are small technical things that if you know them you know them, and if you don’t you don’t. But it’s just, you know, it just tied it together quite nicely. And you know the levels were there and all. I think the last two films were proof that it’s not the systems fault, but you know, the levels have been achieved. Yeah, sorry, lots of padding, lots of praise. I think, I think it really worked.”
SB: “I really enjoyed the film as well, what a great character. Yep, great character. I’m going to give you a bit of criticism. So, I, you know, go along with all of Tommy’s appreciative comments. But yes, so, your opening sequence, you know you start, he puts the record on, you could have just blasted that music and not have him speak for the first… and you have this really nice sequence of showing us bits of just shots from his music collection or flat or something, you know there are these close-up’s, right? You know what I’m talking about? He should just start speaking after that. So, if you could change that, that would be great. It would be a much more powerful opening because punk is loud, punk can’t be soft and, in the background, okay? And especially when you’re putting it on, you are literally playing the record. So, I would change that whole thing. And we don’t need to hear the names of his band members. I mean it didn’t increase my understanding of this guy’s character or anything. So, you know that, yeah you could remove that, then that gives you a bit of space for the music. I really enjoyed it. Nice… I really like your transition from the inside of the flat, you go out as if you just show us that you’re going to a different location. So that’s nice visual storytelling. I like the guitar shots, the close-ups when he’s tuning in. But my overall, biggest critique is we need, again like with a lot of the other films, some space between the words. He speaks pretty much non-stop throughout from beginning to end and it would be really nice to let the film breath and just take in some of what he says. So that was the other big one. And right at the, end the concert, so you show us a tiny bit and then you fade out to speaking again and then go back with the music high up, and I just wondered if you could just remove the speaking part or put that bit of voiceover somewhere else so that we are actually immersed in the concert at the end, because again, I really wanted to be immersed in that concert. And actually, that’s where I see the relationship between him and the older folk in his band. So, you know, I think just letting up kind of experience him on stage would have been really good. But otherwise, yeah, I really enjoyed it.”
JL: “My feeling is the same, really enjoyed the film, and I think the production quality is also really good. I like particularly the way there is no intervention from the filmmakers from you. You stay behind the camera, and you just let your character speak, and I think that his narration really sort of engages the audience. We get to know his personality, his passion, his love, what he likes to do. And this film appears to be particularly effective in this way, I don’t know what happened. Maybe it’s not only the problem of the filmmakers, it also depends on the interviewee, like the mural artist, just so calm, but he appeared to be so energetic, so friendly. So sometimes it also depends on the characters in the film. I was thinking, if there’s any other worries at all it’s more about, do we get we get to know a little bit about his family, like does he have a partner? Is married? Has kids? It’s only five minutes, I don’t think you need to do any interviews or whatever, but in order to give us a more rounded character you might also want to know that a little bit. Because he’s so much into art, that’s his chocolate, that’s his passion, but what about his partner, his kids? I mean just a little bit about that maybe.”
Saoirse: “No he doesn’t, he’s only 25.”
SB: “Oh, he made it sound like he’s 30 because he said “they’re going to be 90” (when talking about being friends with people “3x his age”)”
TS: “But I think that’s what drew you to him, that he was 25 and hanging out with 30/40-year-old musicians – that was sort of the crisis for you?”
JL: “I wanted to add on, I liked the cinematography, like the editing, I like the sound – I think it’s really well done. So yeah, maybe, Leo do you want to add anything?”
LD: “Yeah, mostly, I just echo what Sana said, it’s well made, you definitely have a very interesting subject. Like, you definitely want to use some of the interviews, like the bit about the cheese and chocolate - it’s so funny. But also yeah, it would be, that final bit when you just let the music come in and you have the archive edited to the rhythm of the music, that’s brilliant, I just wish you had applied that thought process to the entire film. So just having some moments when you just let the music, you know, be really loud. I totally agree with Sana, like that opening scene where the music starts playing and you have the title card, really good, and then you fade it immediately to go back to the interview, like you could have let us enjoy it for a little bit more, just get into the spirit of the film. Yeah, mostly it’s about just hitting the right balance of observational footage, so to speak, and interview but also understanding when you want to intercut that and when you want to separate them, like compartmentalise them, so that when he speaks as understand what he’s saying, you know, all the funny stuff about chocolate and cheese, and then when we watch him do what he loves, doing that, they we just enjoy that. But yeah, other than that definitely good idea. Great.”
MAIN POINTS GLEANED FROM FEEDBACK:
Breathing space is required between words/Darren speaking
Reduced quality adds to our narrative and makes the film more ‘punk’
We made the film we said we were going to make
Music needs to be more present/we should only hear the music at certain points
Our interviews were well constructed
Could have looked to his relationship with others more (family etc.)
Our characters personality comes across well in our film
Upon reflection I’m really happy with the final outcome of our film. As I said during the crit, I think the film could have been improved by including more footage of Darren interacting with the older members of the punk community that he talks about and that would have strengthened our narrative. I agree that there needs to be breathing space between the dialogue, although I feel this represents how Darren speaks, I realise that this can be a bit too much for audiences and time needs to be taken to digest information. I think ultimately my relationship with Darren and the way the interviews were constructed gave us interview material that represented him well. Due to time constraints and difficulty as I was the only one communicating with Darren in the group, we were only able to get a certain amount of footage and more would have helped Euan out in the edit, as well as more time. I was part of the process from start to finish at all stages and I feel that most of responsibility was left to me in organising the film, where more of a group effort could have been made and this affected our film during production. I was in constant contact with Darren but as he had other things going on or would often cancel the day before/day of shooting, it made our shooting schedule very tight. Overall, I’m happy with how it looks and I agree with lecturers that we delivered the film we said we were going to make.
In a re-visit to the edit I would like to include more footage if possible of Darren with other members of the punk scene. I’d also fix the issues with breathing space between dialogue and make sure the music is heard for a longer period of time over cutaways before we hear Darren speak again. In future projects I’d be more organised with a shooting schedule to make sure we have as much footage as possible to help the editor out in post production. I would also like to spend more time with the editor/sound designer during this process if I am to direct again, as I was only able give feedback in the form of written notes in a short space of time, and I would have liked to have been there to help with assembly. This again is due to timing/organisational issues - if these are rectified during production I will have more time to offer help during post-production.
