#reolutions

Credit:hug2love.com

Its that time of the year. Each year brings in its own set of learnings and experiences. Did you spend your 2017 well? Yes, no, maybe? What’s gone is gone and here we are, almost at the doorstep waiting to give 2018 a warm welcome. Here are some new year resolutions you can make to bring in a happier 2018.

1. Have a desire and keep it burning.

A lot can be thought and nothing…

A year passes by.

Honestly, there's a small part of me that doesn't want to admit that I thought we might not see 2013. For some reason or another, be it the Mayans or not, the number seemed unreal. When I saw movie trailers that said “COMING TO THEATERS NEAR YOU IN 2013,” I scoffed to myself, secretly thinking that no one would exist at that time. But here we are.

This last year had to be one of the most influential years of my entire life. This isn't an award ceremony, just for some reason I am convinced that I did a lot of growing up. I'd like to take this time to dissect exactly what it was that I realized, what changed, and why I can't forget 2012.

One year ago yesterday, I was with my girlfriend in Bakersfield. A year before that, I was with a different girlfriend in LA. A year before even that, I was with that same girl in my hometown. Last night, I was in Costa Mesa with people I barely knew, yet felt weirdly comfortable around. My New Year's Eves are always really weird...

But I think that it's strange that for the 4 years prior to this New Years, I've been with a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend now. I've not been single for this long since I was 16. I feel like that may be a reason why I've learned so much about myself, honestly. Being alone pushes you to be content without someone else around. You focus on yourself because there's not another person to focus on. I'm extremely giving in relationships, and I like to have someone to take care of (sometimes to the point where I stop taking care of myself). But now, I don't have that burden/luxury/whatever it may be.

From 2012-2013, I wasn't in one consistent relationship, unlike previous years. I did a lot of self-exploration, something that I'm continuing to do even now. I have time to be selfish. I have the ability to think about my dreams and goals and not care about having the responsibility of another person. I've saved money by not having to pay for two, I can do literally anything I want without anyone complaining about it, and I can finally be the naturally flirty person I am without feeling guilty.

Do I think all this wandering has changed who I am? Absolutely. I moved back home in 2012 as well, and being alone, not only in a relationship sense but also a rather isolated sense, has made me think about who I am now, who I was before, and what I think I will become. I have no real friends here. I am completely alone, and that made me reflect on myself. Yes, I am about to get really personal. Here's what I learned:

I'm ten times as confident as I thought I was. How? By faking it. For those of you who think you have confidence issues, I give you this challenge: muster up the courage, just ONCE, to pretend you're the most confident person you know. If it helps, think of yourself as a superhero, or a god, or a knight, or that you're made of gold, or whatever the hell you're into. Funnily enough, you may notice that you'll get good results. You are whatever you believe that you can be. I recently read in Malcolm X that “in order to get something, you have to look like you've already had something,” or something like that. After noticing the results I got by just pretending to be confident, it MADE me confident. You'll be surprised how many people respond positively to someone ballsy as opposed to someone obsessed with being polite.

I'm a pretty good person, overall. I care about people, even ones I don't know. I'm also extremely driven and self-sufficient. I have amazing friends who help and support me, but I know that to really get things done, I have to put it upon myself.

I believe that reputation is everything. I really concern myself less with money and power than I do with reputation. I try to be nice to everyone, and honestly, it's not that hard for me. I'm pretty agreeable. I'm a peacemaker. I think everyone has a story, and everyone has a reason. I forgive even things I probably shouldn't, but I am honest with people and don't let them take advantage of me. I also believe that friends are everything, and happiness is something that is a hundred times more valuable when it is shared. I'm really more of an optimist than nearly anyone gives me credit for. I only act pessimistic for comedic relief, people.

I'm reckless. I fuck things up, and I really don't want to sound cliché, but I break hearts. It's not something that I'm proud of, but it's also not something I think I can change much. I love hard, I'm a sensual and flirty person, and I mean what I say in the moment. But I am fickle. Shoot me, I'm 22. I'm still figuring it all out. The good thing is that I'm starting to get better at knowing what I want.

I'm hellbent on being different. That's one of the hardest things for me to admit. Why that is important to me, I really am not sure. I think it has to do with what I want to leave behind. “What I want to leave behind” has been a common theme for me recently. When I die, I want my memory to be of someone unique and dangerous, yet benevolent. Anyone bored enough to read this far into this is probably thinking I'm psychotic or a romantic or delusional. They're probably right.

I'm shallow, I'm self-centered, I come off as cocky, and I have my insecurities. I accept all of this. And I think only by accepting it can I really embrace who I am. Some of this stuff, I want to change. Some of these flaws simply make me who I am, and I honestly couldn't care less about getting rid of them. Maybe hubris is another flaw of mine, then.

Yes, 2012 made me realize all of this and more. I developed my main life philosophy this past year. Interestingly enough, I think it was two years ago that one of my New Year's Resolutions was to develop a philosophy on life. Two years later, here it is:

You live with rejection, or regret. Choose one.

I've been putting this in practice every day, as often as I have the courage to do so. Let me explain, in a couple examples, what it means, or how it has helped me.

The other day, I got a flat tire. When the work was done and the clerk at the tire shop was ringing me up, he told me the price would be $149. I could have easily sighed and paid the man, passive-aggressively despising him for the high price. Instead, I asked him if there were any discounts at all that I could possibly get. Here's where the two options come in: rejection or regret.

There are ultimately three options as to how this story could transpire: option A (which we already passed out) is regret. I say nothing, and maybe later I regret that I didn't even have the courage to ask for a discount. Option B is that I get rejected. The clerk tells me “it is what it is” and I have to pay the full price. What actually happened, though, was option C. The clerk decided to give me $30 off my final payment.

Another example -in fact an example that is truly the reason why I live by this philosophy- is with girls. Imagine, gentlemen (ladies, you can do so as well by using the opposite sex), that you're at the grocery store. Down the aisle is a foxy-ass girl. She's a perfect 10. You know for a fact that this is the type of girl, at least physically, that you'd like to roll in the hay with or even date the shit out of. But a girl of that caliber might give you butterflies. The safe choice is to not say or do anything, and continue on with your life, because in your brain you “know” that it just wouldn't work out. Or maybe...just MAYBE...you could swallow your pride and at least say hi. Who knows if that perfect 10 thinks you're a perfect 10 as well? Maybe she's your future girlfriend. Maybe she's your future wife. And if she isn't? Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe she's actually 16 even though she looks 20 (yes, both of these have happened to me). But at least you know that now, and you don't have to live with the regret of “what could have been.”

be more positive

lose weight

try harder in school

not waste my life in front of a computer screen