Removing yourself from the bad but familiar is scary and there's safety in the known.
I finally managed to remove myself from it a month and a half ago. I spent two weeks in my new life just sleeping and trying to even remember years worth of trauma, barely existing, worrying I'd be stuck like this, too scared of the new but better.
I'm now happier and in a healthier spot than I've ever been in my entire life. I've built up and decorated a space of my own, on my own. I've been able to nourish healthy relationships. I've been able to create. I've been able to do what I want, when I want. I've been more productive. I've been the best version of myself. I've managed to pay off an interest-infested credit card with the help of others. I've cut my hair and kept myself and my space clean. I've given time to things that matter. I no longer dread waking up. I no longer feel forced to live for other's comfort. I've started to actually remember what happened each day without writing it down. I've started to truly exist again.
I am so lucky with the amount of love I've had to give me the space and support I needed to be back on my feet this fast. I'm still acclimating, but I'm better than I've ever been. Maybe it won't take you two weeks, maybe it will take far longer. But that process can't start until you let go of the safety in familiarity and remove yourself.
So please, remove yourself. And know it gets better.
