#rememberingliampayne

you just wanted to be loved and to make people happy with your music. i hope you can now see this outpouring of love that you never received in your time.

I'd like to share a little story about my son that's just a small part of what it's all meant to me.

I joined the fandom in 2014, a year after my youngest son was born. He didn't speak at the time he was "supposed" to be speaking, wasn't hitting all his developmental milestones, and was then diagnosed at a very young age as being on the autism spectrum.

Being a One Direction fan brought music back into my home in a major way. I'd been so busy with my career and becoming a mom that my love for music had been phased out in my life. But One Direction brought it roaring back in.

When my son was two, he was watching the Best Song Ever video...one of his favorites. It's fun and brightly colored and silly, and it made sense why he loved it. He started pointing to each one of the boys and said some of his first ever words, their names.

Youie. Ni-yaw. Hay-ee. Yum-Yum. Zack. (Sorry Zayn, blame the video)

Music opened up a way for my son to communicate. It has always been a major force in his life. He is eleven now, and he plays the drums and the violin and according to his older brother talks way too much.

I could never truly explain what this band has meant to my life and to my son. But I'll always be so grateful they burst into our life right when we needed them.

I still can't believe you're gone leeyum, everyday I wake up wishing it was only a nightmare 💔

he was my north, my south, my east and west my working week and my sunday rest my midnight, my noon, my talk, my song i thought love would last forever: i was wrong

I am struggling to find the right words to express my gratitude and ache in my chest. It's so hard to believe.

Liam, I wish you could have seen yourself through the eyes of those whose lives you touched and felt all the love and admiration. Your warmth, kindness and heart shone through your gorgeous smile, bright eyes and laugh. I'm sorry our world was not always kind to you. I’m sorry it unfairly took advantage of you. I am gutted you have left far far too soon. You still had so much life to live. I hope that the next life is kinder to you. 

You spoke about wanting to be a superhero, and in my view, that’s what you were. I won’t say goodbye because you will never truly be gone. You have left such a lasting impact on the world. Not only through your music, but your caring and generous heart, which helped so many people.

I will be forever grateful to you for being a part of something so special and I would not be who I am today without you. The countless hours spent on Tumblr and Twitter being a part of the 1D community and watching hours of video diaries, livestreams, interviews and music videos. I remember fondly the days and nights singing and dancing around to music to finally being able to scream back the words of the songs at the concerts. I learnt to love turtles and hate spoons.