#remembering ryou

”I… didn’t feel up to it today…” She gave nonchalance a shot even though it almost never worked with him, and her attention turned to the dinner spread brought up by room service laid out in front of her and the soft drum of water coming from the bathroom, all of which reminding her that she was threading on dangerous grounds - it wouldn’t take much for Ryou to guess where she probably was instead of where he expected her to have been, and he knew that she didn’t have any other schedules today. That is, in the name of work.

"That makes two of us." There was a pause, even the rustle in the shower came to a halt, and she swallowed discreetly to ease the lump in her throat. He was anticipating an answer, but she had none that he wanted to hear. 

"Do you.. want me to-" 

"Don’t come here today."

"What..?"

"You’re being weird. I said, don’t come to HARU." She could hear his chuckles over the low bass. But why? ”… is there something wrong?” It wasn’t the first time she actually asked Ryou a question like this, something that just never seemed appropriate, but then again it had never been an easy feat to get a direct response from him. If only she knew then that it would be the last time…

"… I want to eat those clam noodles again." He had it worse than she did when it came to actually answering questions. 

"The store’s only opened till afternoon…" It was one of those quiet days when there were just the two of them, Ryou was always kind enough to be a good sport on those days and he didn’t reject her when she led him to the uninteresting-looking noodle shop across the street where her old school was. They ate in silence, and she was rewarded with a wide grin after he ordered a second serving while she was only halfway done with hers. 

All it really took was a plane ticket and determination, and Haerin knew it well. He might be enraged, he might feel a sense of betrayal, but he could easily find a replacement, couldn’t he? It was as if she was staying to see what was in for her, being a rag doll, but what could there possibly be? The line that segregated her life at HARU, at home and life here, in the presidential suite, was growing more and more distinct, but why was it starting to feel like life with Ryou was an entity on its own altogether?

"I’ll.. see you tomorrow?" You will be safe, right? Her conscious mind was caving in and she thought of bailing out on her current company but it was when he reappeared in sight for a passing moment with a reassuring smile that she realised - she didn’t actually want to. She would probably be mocked at for even thinking about the possibility that a Kamikaze might be faced with danger, but there was something amiss about the situation and it was already too late for more questions.

She didn’t realise that her features had scrunched up into a frown until the calloused pad of the man’s thumb rubbed at the pressure point between her eyebrows, the scent of his cologne bringing her back to her senses. She reached out for his wrist, slowly lacing her fingers with his as her head tilted back slightly in an exchange of gazes, letting him take his seat beside her on the couch as she punched a string of numbers from memory with her free hand. Comfort in the form of caresses on the back of her hand fought against the urgent dial tone in a battle that was bound to end badly.