#remaining strong

Hiya my gorgeous readers, how are you all today?

Hopefully well..?

Right now I’m sitting at my desk in a t-shirt and leggings. I’m shattered from a lack of sleep what with a crazy week and my stomach is bloated as I’ve drifted away from my usual routine of eating well, on time and the occasional exercise. The consuming of junk and neglect of my sleep routine too seems to be catching up on me now and i feel slightly wretched to say the truth. Not to mention that I’m currently on holiday and it’s been a roller coaster. From losing my luggage after an extra trip I’ve just taken to not having my return ticket a day before I’m meant to fly back and start work, my droopy eyes scream SLEEP! yet time and sense evade me as I have so much to do with no strength nor time to do it and well… I’m here writing to you instead. Because I had this unmistakeable urge to write to you despite it all. I haven’t blogged in quite a while and frankly I have been purposely putting it off as I haven’t entirely felt like myself lately. Actually. It’s more that I always have anxiety writing to you as i wonder whether I’m up to it. Could i truly help someone? Could my words actually make a difference in someones’ life? Could I inspire someone despite how hard I find inspiring myself? And the doubts surface and push me deeper into myself.

My life has changed dramatically over the past months. Imagine living on land then suddenly living in water?!

Not so easy huh?! There have been times this year where I have simply broken down into tears as I try to come to grips with all the differences and expectations that come with changing around ones life. It’s daunting and exciting all at once. Anything worth having takes time, sacrifice and lots and lots of patience and perseverance.

I feel like a scale. Neither light nor heavy. Sometimes heavy, sometimes light. Whenever I don’t feel in sync then that’s when I distrust myself and ponder whether or not I’m worthy of writing to you. Problem with that is I’m hardly ever in sync. Hence my dilemma.

Life is a puzzle. Sometimes we have all the pieces. Sometimes we lose some. The thing is that we must keep playing. Win some. Lose some. What fascinates me is that we feel similarly despite our age or situation. We have times when we feel like sh*t. And simply exhausted. Of trying. Fighting. When giving up looks all the more enviting. and yet when we do carry on. fight. persevere. When we make it out at the end, we get to sigh that sigh of relief with belated pride. At our own inner strength that we never knew we had. And its then that we get to smile and we get to look back and think YES! We did it! I mean think about all the times that life throws us those knocks that knock us off our feet? yet we’re still here. We are strong. We always look for inspiration. Strength. Motivation. Reasons.  To live. Carry on. Be strong. And yet the truth almost always resides within us. We are the ones who get us out of our trials and tribulations.

You know how we say you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? well that’s what makes us different. when we accept help. when we do right by ‘Us’. If & when we trip and have moments where we dont accept help or do what we must, that’s alright. because we will get it right the next time.

Rules. Regulations. It polices our lives when we aren’t built for it. We need guidelines. When we are caged with lock&key it’s then that we rebel and our animistic side comes out. We need freedom. And guidelines. Too much of anything in life isn’t a good thing. Hence our need of balance.

I have suddenly come in contact with an extraordinary being who has been my light lately.

There is almost always moments of light and darkness in our lives at different periods of time. Be it family, friends, love, achievements, or whatever makes our hearts soar. Light dims and glows at different times. When its low, thats when staying strong is hard. so hold on. because when it brightens you’re going to want to be there for it; And that’s my Tidbit for the day.

Jay