#rem^2

Mirrors covered the floor in front of them. The reflective surface seemed to have grown up from the floor and stuck onto the wall. It reflected the wood ceiling that looked like it had stood there for hundreds of years. Like a church thrown out into the woods.

Remus grinned and waved at himself in the mirror “I think this is the first art piece!!”

Remy sincerely squinted “Bestie sorry to break it to you but I’m not seeing any like art. Where’s the painting?”

“Beanie...Sweet beanie filled with layers of skin and blood and at least 3 bones...Did you think they were going to hang paintings outside? Where it rains and the wind blows?”

They shrunk in on themself while nodding.

Remus’ smile widened even more “That’s a really nice thought” His hand reached out for their’s and their fingers intertwined “It’s a sculpture park Beanbog. Some installation and performance stuff too I’m guess. Should have figured that wouldn’t be obvious to non art freaks” 

“I’m just like stupid”

“And I’m ready to get on these bitching mirrors!”

“That’s allowed??”

In response Remus simply pulled them along. He took a first step out on the mirror and squeezed their hand to make them follow. They left the cane on the ground and snaked their free hand around his upper arm to keep themself stable.

The breathing coming from the speakers all around them quickened. They started to become desperate as the heart beat faster and faster.

“Maybe there’s a sensor under the mirrors” Remus theorised “So the audio changes the more people walk on it”

They walked further and Remy looked down at the floor. At the shape of their hands tightly together being reflected back to them with the ceiling behind them. The audio made it feel like the barn was a body that had swallowed them.

Remus took a few steps back to test out if it would change anything but the breathing just kept getting more ragged. A family walked into the barn and for a moment Remy wondered if they should move away from Remus before they felt his thumb softly rub back and forth against their skin.

One last desperate breathe echoed through the room before the audio slowly cut out. For a few seconds it was quiet before ambient music started up. 

“Augh it’s just a looping audio tape” Remus muttered “Still cool! Ready to continue?”

“Sure”

Their hands stayed together as they left the barn and continued down the stony walkway. Remus pointed out an Installation in the trees and got so focused on ti Remy had to pull him away from walking right into a wall. 

On the other side of the wall was a garden of trees blossomed with white leaves. Beyond the trees was an open picket fence showing the true entrance to the meat of the park. The forest with the massive lake in the middle.

When they got closer to the trees they saw the leaves were small paper notes clipped to the branches. Next to the art work there was a sign saying to make a wish.

“Girl the counselor at my old school wanted my whole class to do this” Remy commented. “She like reeeaally wanted it to be deep or something secret so I wished for a guy in my class to fall face first onto the ground so all his teeth got knocked out. Apparently that was ‘violent’ and I had to like go to the principal or whatever”

Remus let out a sinister laugh “The principal was just too afraid of your huge dick energy my guy”

They quietly agreed to simply walk past the art work even though it was literally made by Yoko Ono. Probably the most famous artist in the park. 

Among the trees and in them were a few statues. Even though there were little signs next to them explaining the artist’s intent Remy didn’t get any of it, but they were happy to listen to their crush’s theories on what it meant anyway. 

They walked between two bushes and ended up next to the lake. They continued right in between two parts of a statue and traced the edge of the lake. Near a statue made of rust Remus suddenly sat down right on the leaves and smoshed his face into the ground.

“Is this like an art thing I’m not getting?” Remy asked while looking at him.

“SNAIL!!” He yelled back as he held up his hands. On his palm sat a tiny snail that was retreating into it’s shell “A small one! We need to bring it on an adventure! It’s gotta become cultured!!”

“Let the snail be a bimbo if it wants”

Remus made a showing of leaning his ear right next to the snail and nodding “It says it wants to go on an adventure!!”

Remy shrugged before picking up a leaf from the ground and folding it into a hat. They put it on the top of the shell and smiled at it. Remus took ahold of their hand again and grinned at them.

Every time they saw an art piece Remus would hold the snail up so it could see. All of the words on the information sheets were blurring together for him because of the noises of the people walking so Remy read every sheet aloud for him and the snail.

“And That’s the next art thingie my dear Snail!” Remus explained while pointing.

“Babe that is literally a bench”

“Oh....Well you never know?”

Remy squinted out at the lake before saying “Would be pretty cool to like set a dress on the water. Like so the skirt is all flared out but the bust is upright y’know”

“Dude!! That’s such a cool idea. And then the flies and birds would slowly eat away at it to show how fast fashion gets destroyed under capitalism !!! MuHHAHAHAHAH!!”

“I was just like thinking of how good Fka Twigs dress looked in like one of her videos” They sputtered out while fiddling with their hair.

“Still cool!!”

“Would be even cooler if the dress then got like lit on fire I guess maybe I dunno”

“Even cooler!! You’re on a roll!!

The moment he turned around to show the snail the next thing Remy’s cheeks lit up like a christmas light from blushing. Remus suddenly started to pull in their hand harder as he saw a large stack of logs. It was if a lumberjack had simply forgotten to stow them away. Until Remus got too jumpy and ran ahead with the snail to look at the other side of the logs.

“PIG!” He exclaimed.

“Shit! FUCK! IS THERE A COP?” Remy immediately yelled back.

“No! Literal pig!”

Remy rounded the log mound and saw that the different patterns of the log stumps when fitted together created a pattern that perfectly looked like a pig.

“That sure is a pig”

“Glorious” 

“Is it like trying to say something bout one piece of nature being like molded into another piece of nature but like the animal kind?” Remy guessed.

“I think that sounds plausible! And it looks cool enough it may even be deserving of being the snail’s new home!” He moved his ear near the snail again “What do you say small gooey friend? Wanna reside here? Become a part of the art?”

Remy whispered a quiet “yeeees” which made their crush laugh.

He went up to the log statue and sat the snail on one of the tree trunks. One near the ground where leaves and a bit of rain water had gathered. He blew it a kiss goodbye before taking his friend’s hand again and skipping away.

A straight couple was walking not that far ahead of them. The couple had gotten there later than them but with Remy’s cane and the unstable ground they weren’t exactly going fast.

An echo of a yell bounced between the forest tops but Remus didn’t think about it as he instead whispered out to his friend “What kinda couple do you think they assume we are?”

Remy let out a snort “Fags. Def”

“I’m betting on just like really weird lesbians”

“Oh my gosh girlie!! You’re so right! Walking in a forest is like such a lesbian thing to do!-”

Another distant yell echoed. It was the voice of a young girl yelling out after her mom. Immediately afterwards a similar yell came from somewhere behind them. The couple in front of them jokingly yelled back “Mom! Mom!” before bursting into laughter.

“What if we just like stumbled into a horror movie” Remy said while twirling their hair around their finger “Wouldn’t that be hot or what”

“That would be really cool. Spooky scary little girl?”

“More like a child ghost army”

“Oh I like your thinking” Remus replied while looking up at the trees. He suddenly pointed up at a branch “There! A speaker. Waitttttt”

Soon enough a yell from a young boy echoed out calling for both of his parents right from the direction of the tree.

“Sooo like instead of walking into a horror movie we walked into art instead. I think I like like it. It’s spooky kinda” 

Remus made the noise equivalent of “!!!” while shaking their arm around “I’m glad you like it!!”

The yells continued all the while they walked through a path filled with pine that had fallen from the trees. Eventually they too started to yell back at the child voices which the other couple noticed. The four of them grinned at each other before all letting up into a choir of barely contained laugh yells.

A few droplets of sweat rolled down Remy’s forehead as the hand they held the cane with was beginning to shake. They didn’t say anything of course but Remus noticed and as soon as he saw the next patch of sculptures, one of which was a large clam made out of concrete. And by large he meant Large. He pulled them along to it.

He took a big step up onto the sculpture and spun around to help his friend up as well. He did a gracious splat right onto the concrete and pressed his entire face down into it’s gravel. Remy laid down beside him on their back and stretched out their shoulders. A soft whine left their lips as their back cracked.

“I reeeeeaally needed some floor time. Thanks girlie”

“My brain feels like it’s growing” Remus said with a fully serious tone “Like an alien baby in my head!”

“You haven’t like eaten any random ass berries have you?”

“Nuhuhuhu! Dear Beanie! It’s the art!! It’s expanding my brain!! This is why I love going to art museums ‘cause like I gotta use so much brain power to understand what the art means my brain gets all muscular and once I figure it out I get this satisfying brain feeling! Like when you beat a game of chess you know?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never like won chess”

“Me neither!!”

Remy turned their head to look at him “Wanna like show of your bulging brain muscles by like explaining what the hell some concrete in the woods is supposed to mean?”

“Elementary Beanie! It’s because.....Gimme a minute”

 He scrunched his eyes closed and made random noises to signal he was thinking. Remy reached out their hand and took his. They pressed a kiss to his knuckles and mumbled out that it was to make him think better.

“Maybe it’s just to mark that whoever made it was here?” Remus said.

“Hah amateur! If I wanna mark that I’m somewhere I simply walk into the room and Work bitch by Ms. Spears instantly starts playing! Easy!” 

“No I mean like....So there was this forest obviously but then they had to have brought in like machines and stuff to create this concrete Thing! And now it’s a part of the forest! It has moss on it and everything! It’s like terraforming! That’s my theory at least”

Remy moved their leg back and forth to feel the concrete’s harsh texture against their bare skin “Yeah...I think I get it...Sometimes you just want reassurance that you exists even outside of like yourself” They let up into a half hearted chuckle “Most days I just want Viv to like come back and strangle me so I know I’m still real”

“Exactly. I’m scared if I don’t focus hard enough I will realize I’m already dead and I didn’t notice I died y’know? I feel much more like some floating brain entity than a living being I might as hell have died by splattering my body into thousands of pieces on rocks!!”

Remy shrugged “Living is overrated anyway. Being a zombie is like suuuuper in this season. Zombies is like the new black”

“Wisdom to live by!!”

Remus gave their hand another squeeze before sitting up and taking out a box of sandwiches from his bag. He held one out to Remy who propped their head up with the leather jacket to avoid actually having to sit up while eating. Along with the sandwiches Remus pulled out his sketchbook. He chewed on his lunch while drawing. 

“That one looks like a penis” Remy said while pointing up at a cloud. 

They glanced away from the sky and looked at their crush. They let up into a joking smile when they saw he was drawing. They did a playful pose while tipping their sunglasses down.

“Drawing me like one of your sexy demons ey?”

Remus put his hand directly on their forehead and pushed them back to laying down “No moving from the sexy demons please”

“Alright alright!”

Remy laid back down and went back to cloud watching. The sound of the pencil moving across the page made their chest feel warm for some reason. The only sounds aside from the pen were the rustling of the leaves and distant footsteps.

It was so quiet, so still, so peaceful. Their thoughts filled with the watcher’s reassuring words. The thoughts mixed with the warmth and they took a deep breathe.

“...I lied to you yesterday...” Remy mumbled out eventually.

Remus barely even looked up from the drawing. He already knew they’d lied but he gave them time to speak.

“...I was...I was like high yesterday...you weren’t wrong...I was like scared...I thought you would like get mad at me for being like stupid enough to do that stuff around you...I’m sorry...”

Remy managed to look over to him. Remus set aside the sketchbook and gently put his hand against their arm, their skin warmed by the sun. He leant his forehead against their shoulder for just a moment to comfort them.

“Thanks for telling me” 

“I’m sorry for-”

“I didn’t tell Rowan for years. I get it Beanie. Don’t worry”

He could feel Remy’s body relax as if a weight that had been laying on their chest had finally been taken away.

“The watchers said they could help. So I like I at least take it in like a safe way” Remy continued. 

“That’s good. That’s really nice of them......Do you...Do you feel ready to stop?”

Remus held their hand in his and looked into their eyes. He let them think about it for however long they needed. Eventually they weakly shook their head.

“That’s okay. That’s okay. I’ll...We’ll keep you safe okay? I’m not gonna let you hurt yourself okay?”

“I’m not gonna let you get hurt either”

“When you’re ready do you think you could stay at rehab while going through withdrawal? I know it can be traumatic as shit to get forced there but I don’t want you to like spill your guts out or anything”

“I’ll try”

“That’s all you have to do. Is it- Do you like- Are you okay with Janus knowing?”

“You think they’d be mad?”

“Janus? Our Janus?” Remus scoffed “I don’t think he’s able to get mad at you. He’s down too bad”

“I....I think you might be right....I’ll think bout it”

Remus leant forward and kissed them on their forehead before stroking their hair behind their ears. They held their arm lightly behind his waist.

“Are you high right now? You don’t have to answer”

“Only took my pain meds”

“Okay.....” Remus kissed them again, on their cheek “I think you’re my best friend” 

“You’re mine too” 

“I don’t think I wanna be an artist anymore”

Remy did a double take “What?”

Remus did a triple take “Sorry!! we were like sharing secrets and stuff! It just kinda fell out of my mouth!”

“I mean girl it’s fine. I like sewing don’t mean I wanna live by sewing”

He picked up his sketchbook again just to fiddle with the corner of it “I do wanna make art. I just dunno if I wanna draw”

“Oh no” Remy’s eyes turned huge, actually a bit like a sad kitten “Don’t tell me you’re gonna like hurt yourself like the lady you showed me yesterday did!? I just said I wouldn’t let you hurt yourself!!! Including for art!!”

“No. No! That’s performance art. I was thinking like installation? Maybe sculptures? I wouldn’t want to be present. I don’t want people looking at me” He saw the confused look on Remy’s face and added “Installation is like...What we saw in the barn! or the speakers in the trees yelling mom. It’s like the art becomes a tangible space the viewers can walk into y’know?”

“I think I get it....Like a haunted house?”

“YEAH!!!” Remus happy flapped “Like a haunted house!”

“Why wouldn’t you like do that” Remy gasped “GIRL. Don’t tell me installations are like illegal? Are we in an illegal installation park?”

“I was just worried...people would say I was wasting my talents...People always said Ro-Ro would be wasting hers if she didn’t make it big”

He looked down at the drawing he had done of his crush. He trailed his finger across the paper before showing them. They let out a gasp and a few soft compliments. They looked so much more beautiful than they thought they actually were.

“I can’t stop seeing his face in my drawings” It came out nearly as a whisper.

Remy looked up from the drawing “What?”

“Os...Even when I was drawing you I could only....I saw his features....I am genuinely interested in like installations but I also just....I don’t wanna see him in what I love....He drove me to all my art classes...Paid for them...I would draw him all the time....I can’t unlearn his face”

They bonked the sketchbook lightly against his head “Well after now having learnt like toooots sooo much about art I can conclude that like installations are just so much more sexy and cool anyway! Drawing? Pff! More like draw-sucks!”

It made him let up into a laugh.

“You got any like ideas for installations and stuff?” Remy tilted their head as they asked.

Remus looked just a bit flustered as he took the sketchbook and flipped through the pages. He showed off a few sketches of sculptures and a few half finished story boards for short art films.

“I haven’t developed them much and with the films I really don’t wanna be shown in them and i don’t really want my famous ass sis to act in them”

“I Have no idea what any of this means. Compels me though” Remy said while looking at the pages “I’m not against like being on screen” They jokingly posed “I’m like sooo good at being pretty and cute and arm candy I would be like super good in a film. Especially if I’m playing the like bimbo who gets killed. I can’t play the final girl though I’m sooorry. My range isn’t That large”

“It’s not that kind of film but I like your enthusiasm!! Augh” He continued to happy stim “This is exciting!! Maybe if our art turns out good we can involve Janny as well!!”

Him calling it ‘Our art’ made that same warm wave fill Remy’s entire body. A shiver went up their spine and they grinned without even noticing at first.

“Whatever you want girlie! I’m also open for like kissing sceneeesm Just fyi.....especially if Janny gets involved”

Remus pretended to twirl his nonexistent mustache while thinking “Hmmm should we continue looking through the park or should we go create art...That is the question....I can’t decide ‘cause I have rats for brains and bees in my ass. You?”

Remy shrugged. They had no idea about anything today. They were just along for the ride.

“Okay well” Remus moved his hands around while repeating swear words over and over to somehow open the void. That didn’t work so he just yelled out loud “WATCHERS!! PARK OR ART? PLEASE AND THANK YOU! I HAVE NEVER MADE A SINGLE GOOD DECISION IN MY LIFE AND I REFUSE TO START NOW!”

Remus lightly bonked his head against theirs "No but really, you okay? Any way to help with the pain?"

"Baths usually help. Gets me all like warm. But I don't wanna make you like uncomfy"

"Nothings saying that I have to get in with you"

Remy almost looked a little embarrassed "No! I girl I like didn't mean it like that that!"

"I gotya"

Remus stood up and held out his hand to help them up. He handed them their cane but when he saw how they grimaced just from standing up he moved his arm behind their back to let them lean on him.

They went into the bathroom. Remus put on the water while Remy dragged off their dress leaving them in their sport bra and underwear. He was a bit baffled by how many bottles of hair dye was in the mirror cabinet but he also found a bottle to make bubblebaths.

"It's like fine if you leave y'know. You can just grab your game and leave whenever. I won't mind" Remy assured.

"It's okay" He threw some bubble stuff in "I hope there's acid in this"

"So you can watch my skin melt off??"

"I'm sure you have very sexy bones!!"

"I guess!"

Remus helped them into the bath. All of Remy disappeared under the growing mountain of bubbles except for their head. He sat down on the tiled floor and leant the back of his head against the bath's edge.

He smiled when he felt Remy form bubbles on top of his head "Whatcha doing?"

"The tower of bubble"

"OHOHO!!! You should try making a skull!! I would like having a bubble skull on top of my normal skull!"

"Honey just 'cause I've spent a shit ton of time in baths don't mean I'm some Picasso. That's your job"

"heh. PicASSo. heheh" Remus laughed mostly to himself "Is the warmth helping?"

"Loads. Here feel"

Out of the bubble mountain came their pale hand. They reached out so Remus let them take his hand in theirs. Their fingers intertwined.

"You're right. That is REally warm"

Remy continued making bubble creations on top of his head. It went a bit quiet. Sometimes Remus would blurt out some animal fact. They kept holding hands. Both silently decided to not speak about the holding hand thing. Both silently wanted it to continue for as long as possible.

"Your bones feel weird" Remus suddenly said while squeezing their hand.

"It's nothing" Remy blurted out.

"No. No, I know my way around bones. Yours feel really weird. Like it's a bit too loose"

"That's what she said. It's like seriously tots nothing"

Remy let go of his hand and was about to sink it back into the bottles but Remus grabbed onto their fingers and held them still.

"I can take a look. Maybe your fibro has accidentally caused some type of injury. I'm no doctor and I am sure you know your fibro better than I ever can but I know some stuff at least"

They let out an annoyed groan before sticking their whole arm out of the bubbles. Remus nearly flinched when he saw their wrist. Their wrist was swollen and would have been red if it wasn't for the bruises covering most of their skin. Purples and greens all mixed together.

"I can explain"

Remy threw the words out. Their eyes flickered between their wrist and their friend. They writhed around in their seat and hoped the bubbles would hide their anxiousness.

"Wow dude. You must have given the most intense handy of your life" Remus joked. Remy got so surprised they let out a few anxious chuckles "Do you have any first aid around here?"

"It's not that bad"

"If you don't let me take care of you I'm gonna have to poison you to sleep!! This is serious!!! No time for idiot thoughts!!"

"Fine. Fine. Whatever" Remy rolled their eyes "There's like a first aid under the nightstand in the bedroom. Please grab some cigs as well"

"Yep yep sure fine"

Remus quickly got up and got everything needed. They wouldn't even let him open the first aid kit before he'd lit the cig for them. They dragged in the nicotine and looked away while he took out rubber glove and filled it with warm water. He pressed it gently against the swollen area.

"Got this trick from the nurses. They were so nice" He pressed his eyes close to not let his mind dissociate to the visit to the hospital.

Remy stared down into the water "I didn't want anyone to know. I was- I was like worried you would tell Jannie and they would start going all crazy about Viv being like a bad boyfriend again. I didn't- I don't like hearing it"

Remus cupped their cheeks and turned their head so they were looking at him "I get it dude. What is said between us stays between us okay?"

"Okay" Remy took a shaky breathe and nodded "Okay. I bruise really easily ‘cause of the fibro!! I swear! So it looks a LOT worse than it actually was! I swear! He didn't mean to"

"I know. They never do" He moved the warm rubber glove away to put some creme onto the bruises.

"We were arguing. Like just y'know like normal arguing. yelling and stuff. And it was all my fault because Viv said he was going out for a smoke to let out steam but I didn't think he could like just decide when the argument was over so I like walked after him and he- I'm sure he wasn't looking at what he was doing- I'm sure he wasn't- He slammed the door shut on my- on my wrist. And then he left to like calm down and- and it hurt- And I- I might have gotten a flashback- so I like shut down and dissociated and when he came back he said the argument was past us so we shouldn't drag it up again so I like got nervous that if I told him to help me with the injury he would get mad"

"Fucking hell Beanie, no wonder playing that game hurt your wrist"

"I'm sorry. I just- it's hard to tell when injuries are serious enough to patch up- I'm just- with dad- I'm used to dissociating through it and going to school anyway"

"No apologizes needed. I only take apologize measured in blood anyway"

"He didn't mean to. It was like def my fault for trying to walk after him"

Remus took out a bandage and began to lap it around their wrist "Y'know my ex accidentally gave me bruises all the time. So you don't have to worry about me not getting it-"

"Sorry" Their shoulders relaxed a little "Sorry"

"It's nothing" He tied the bandages together and placed the warm rubber glove on top of it "Feeling any better?"

"Yeah. Thanks gal. That's- you were really good at that"

"What? You think I learn nothing from being interested in death and disease???"

Remy chuckled "Sorry"

Remus leant his chin against the bath's edge. His friend moved their head against his. "But also y'know. I only went to the hospital once during the time I was with my ex. I had to self help sometimes"

"Yeah 'cause you're a reckless fucker who can't stop trying to juggle scissors"

"True! Very true! Also y'know like uh my ex would sometimes just like accidentally open cabinets right when I passed by so they like uh slammed me in the head. Or he would uh accidentally- or I mean I would trip a lot. Stumble into a lot of walls uh and that sort. He just happened to always be there. And when uh when I would blackout from getting high I would wake up in pain or with bruises or- But he always said I was just imagining things and that it was all just misunderstanding and accidents and that I was overreacting 'cause it was nothing. And that I was uh delusional"

Remy noticed the way his hands shook a little and handed him the cigarette to stable his thoughts "Well yeah you got delusions but that doesn't mean you're wrong about everything. You know that I'm like tots hot and sexy and hot don't you. Then you can be like super trusted with knowing stuff!"

He let out a half hearted chuckle "Heh I guess. I also know what a fucking buffoon you are so it checks out"

It was quiet for just a little bit as they shared the cigarette. Remy rolled a few sentences around on their tongue before finally managing to get out.

"I know- I like remember the reason you went to the hospital that one time. You've like taken care of me so well I feel like you deserve some comfort as well. I can like I dunno kiss the scars? If that would be like okay with you?"

Remus took a deep breathe, so his cheeks puffed up like a chipmunks, and nodded.

He turned around and dragged off his t-shirt. It left him in his black binder. Remy had doodled octopuses in neon sharpie all over it.

Remy had seen the scars before, once or twice. They were all over his back. Small stripes of white and even in some places purple. Some of them were protruding out of his skin.

"I know our partners were just making mistakes but I hope to hell your ex apologized for his mistake" Remy muttered.

"Of course he did!"

Remus gulped. He was quite sure there had been apology in there. After being thrown against the mirror. After the shards of glass had gone into his skin. Between Os making him promise he wasn't going to tell any of the nurses what happened and the nurses hesitating every time one of them asked if Os was his...boyfriend..? Somewhere in there under the dissociation and ketamine there must have been an apology.

A shudder went up his spin as he felt Remy's cold lips agsinst his skin. They pressed gentle kisses against each of the scars. Several second long kisses. Like they were trying to press in how much they loved him.

For a second Remus got a thought about how it would maybe be nice if those lips were pressed against his lips instead. He choked on his own breathe and started to wheeze. Remy immediately moved back.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"NO! NO! Nothing! Nada! No problemo!"

"You still want to stay?"

"Yeah! Yeah! Claro! Of course! Do you wanna hear about monster ideas! And how I imagine they would date! And Kiss! Like the kraken and nessie??"

"Girl!!! I would love to!! I tots wanna hear all about those wonderful freaks!!"

Remus turned back to face them. He took their injured hand in his, right on the edge of the bath. He leant a little closer as he began to go on. So close so some of the bubbles stuck onto his binder.

Remy dipped their free hand in the warm water before letting their fingers run across his scars. They saw how his smile brightened as he did. How his eyes lightened a little at them being close.

For Remus: 💤: A few extra hours of sleep 🥰 : Post-nightmare cuddles ✋: A hand carding gently through their hair

Remus woke up in a groggy state. It was slow. The kind where nothing seemed real and everything was far away and he was unsure if he had even been asleep.

The moment he remembered what had happened in the dream his eyes shot open. He gasped for breathe while sitting up. A nauseous feeling filled his throat to the point that he was scared to open his mouth in case anything would spill out.

He kept forcing in deep breathes while looking for his phone. He opened the text message history with his ex but there was no new messages. He had been so sure there would be new messages. The dream had felt so real.

He tried to pull the sweaty blanket closer around himself but it wouldn't move. A sound came from behind him. Breathing.

Remus froze. His heart was beating out of his chest, nearly skipping beats. He didn't have the guts to look, instead he clasped his hands over his mouth to muffle his choked breathing. He pressed his legs together as his whole body tensed up. Every small sound made him flinch.

The time became muddled as his thoughts took over. There was a voice repeating that it was Os. Over and over. Another that told him that leaving Os had all been a dream. Just a really long dream. That Janus and Remy weren't real. That he was still in that apartment. He could see as the painted gold walls distort right in front of his eyes into yellowing whites. Into parts of paint peeling off.

A hoarse voice came from the other side of the bed "Rem? You awake?"

A scream came from deep in Remus' throat. He curled up and pressed his hands so hard over his mouth his fingernails left marks in his skin. He swore it was Os' voice.

The weight of the bed shifted as the other person moved to sit up "What's wrong? Did- Is something happening? It's me, Janus. We agreed on me staying for the night, remember?"

Remus tried his best but he couldn't stop himself from tearing up. The voices were so loud they were nearly drowning out everything else.

"Darling- Remus could you please look at me? I don't know if I'm allowed to touch you so I- I'm unsure of how to ground you if you're not looking at me"

He hesitated. It still sounded like Os' voice but it didn't sound like words Os would have said. He turned and saw Janus half sitting up, leant on their elbows, with their silly egg and snake patterned pyjamas on.

Tears rolled down his cheeks but he wasn't really aware of it. The voices switched to telling him Janus wasn't real. None of it was real. He was still dreaming. He was going to wake up soon and be hungover and half high and bruised and-

"Do you think holding my hand would help ground you?" Janus interrupted while holding out his hand "It might make reality feel more...real"

Remus nodded and let them gently take his shaky hand in their palm. Feeling their warm skin shook them out from the worst of it. The voices were still going but more distant. Instead his whole body went numb, like he was floating. His expression turned neutral and his eyes stared out into nothing. His head lolled a little to the side as even his breathing slowed down.

"zoning...dissociating....speech is...difficult" He got out as an explanation.

"That's okay" Janus replied. They rubbed their thumb over his knuckles "Did you have a nightmare?"

He nodded.

"Okay. That's good- Or I mean it's not good. But it's good in the way that I was worrying that I had triggered you somehow. I assume it was the nightmare that triggered your..your.."

"psychosis" He filled in.

"Yeah"

He nodded.

Janus shifted a little in their seat "I'm aware that sharing a bed is...a big thing for you so if you want me to leave I definitely can"

"You're comforting. warm. i. i want to trust" Remus mumbled out.

"Oh okay. Cool. I love comforting! One of my favorite hobbies truly"

"i dont....i dont want your arms around me"

"That's okay. I get it. I might have some leftover poison on my arms anyway so it's all good. You know how crazy poison glands get some times of the year. Am I right or am I right"

They laid down on their back and sent their friend a soft smile. Remus curdled up to their side with his head laying on top of their stomach. He held onto the fabric of their pyjama top so hard that their nails whitened.

"the dream felt so real" He whispered out. "i could feel it. i can still feel it. like ghost hands all over me. it's all over me"

"Well...it's not real...Even if it was some sort of memory reformatted in dream form it isn't happening anymore. That's what you should focus on. Please try and focus on right now"

Remus nodded weakly so Janus continued.

"Right now you're Remus. You're 22 years old. You're in your sister's apartment where you live. You are with me and last night we stayed up till 3 watching 70's horror movies and eating slightly burnt popcorn. You're safe"

He nodded again. He buried his cheek a little deeper into the soft fabric. He tried to focus on the feeling of it against his skin. Tried to focus on his friend's steady breathing.

Janus moved their hand into his curly hair "Is this okay?" They asked to which he nodded.

They carded their fingers gently through his hair. He half closed his eyes and let himself sink into the bed. He clambered for their free hand and when he found it grabbed their wrist and guided their arm so it laid comfortably around his shoulders.

Obviously they noticed his tired look. They let their fingers run even gentler through his hair "Being hit with both delusions and dissociation within the same morning must be exhausting, right?"

"mhm"

"I think it's quite amazing the way your brain is protecting itself. Your beautiful brain. Though I understand it isn't amazing from your point of view"

"mhm"

"Do you want me to leave? If you're going to fall asleep I mean? If it potentially was me staying over that triggered the nightmare I don't-"

"Stay" Remus opened his eye just for a moment to look at them "Please stay"

Janus nodded "Okay. Okay I will. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise"

They kept carding through his hair as he's breathing turned softer. Janus pressed a light kiss to his hair and made themself comfortable in the warm bed. Seeing his relaxed expression was enough to make them willing to wait hours.

For Janus: 🍳: Breakfast in bed ☺️: Soft words of reassurance 🧣: A fluffy blanket

Janus woke up to the smell of coffee. They stretched out their arms and grabbed onto the pillow to slam their face even further into it's fluffiness.

"Seems like someones awake" Logan's voice broke through their sleepy state.

"Ssssshut up. I am very clearly sleeping" Janus snarked back "Listen. snork mimimi. Very asleep"

"Ah yes. Excuse me. I see my mistake now. You are indeed very asleep"

Janus slowly opened one of his eyes and squinted up at his boyfriend. Logan was sitting leaned against a pillow. He was reading some Agatha Christie novel while wearing his specially decorated reading glasses. (He'd put beads on them to match his partner's hair).

"OH!" Janus suddenly exclaimed "Where's my angel baby? Light of my life? Core of my heart?"

"Right here" Logan replied while holding his hand up.

"I'm talking about Ms Carl" Janus fished around with his hand until he felt scales. She was cuddled up to his side. She was letting out snake snores that sounded like hisses "Oh there she is" He placed his hand on top of Logan's "And good morning to the second light of my life"

Logan sat his book aside and leant down to give him a kiss "Good morning to you too"

They were both under a ridiculously fluffy blanket. One of Patty's greatest finds in her opinion. Janus felt Logan's leg moving under the blanket, he gently moved his foot against their leg.

"I woke up a bit ago. I heard Patty talking to Rowan to the late hours yesterday so I thought I might as well wake up along side her and make her some breakfast"

"So i am too assume that you didn't make me shit and you're planning on letting me- your wonderful goddess partner- starve?" Janus replied sarcastically.

"Well first of I got you some tea. Lemon flavor as usual"

"Obviously"

Logan grabbed a cup of tea and handed it to him. They clinked their cups into each other before both taking a sip in unison.

"I also made some sandwiches. Egg and chicken since I know they're your favorite"

Janus got a lazy smile as he managed to move enough to kiss him again "If I eat them in small but very vicious bites they make me feel like a snake. Thanks honey"

Logan moved to grab the plate of sandwiches from the nightstand but Janus waved it off and yawned again. Breakfast could wait. Lo laid down on his stomach instead, he nuzzled his nose against his partner's neck while placing his arm over their chest. Their fingers intertwined and their legs weaved together.

"Patty is away at work, so we have the whole day for ourselves" Logan mumbled out. He was laying so close his lips tickled Janus' skin when he spoke.

"Wasn't there some new documentary about uhm what was it"

"Mathematical diagrams" Their boyfriend filled in. "Including cartesian coordinates!"

"Oh but wasn't there another one about norse mythology. The one that was a several hour long breakdown of both of the eddas? You know my soft spot for the world serpent"

Logan pressed soft kisses to their chest that made them giggle from ticklyness "Sounds like we'll have no choice but to have a very long debate to choose which movie to watch"

"Isn't getting to watch it together with your very gorgeous partner enough" Janus snarked.

"Yes of course. Now I see. I forgot the very incredibly scientific fact that my Janus is the most beautiful partner imaginable" He replied while kissing his cheeks "Most charismatic, smart, endlessly intriguing partner. And a great listener as well. Truly a well of fascinating facts"

He covered his face with his hands as his cheeks went red "Logie I wasn't ready"

"You started it"

"I'm aware!"

Logan settled his head against his partner's shoulder "How about this suggestion, I receive a few more minutes of cuddles before breakfast and in return we watch your preferred documentary"