#relost

IN THE REAL WORLD:

Jack has just been made "the new Jacob," meaning that he is charged with protecting the island (the mysterious light, the "heart of the island," specifically) against whatever forces ever threatened it -- namely, the Man in Black/Fake Locke (Flocke). He tells Sawyer, Kate, and Hurley that if Flocke were to put out the light, it would be the end of all of them, and Sawyer guess that Jack needs Desmond. Indeed, they go to the well where Desmond was being kept, only to find that Desmond isn't there -- but Flocke and Ben are.

Jack et al leave, and when Flocke doesn't follow them, Ben asks what's up, and Flocke tells him that he was being literal when he said he was going to destroy the island, and that he doesn't need to follow them because they're all going to the same place anyway. Flocke notices dog prints and follows them, finding Desmond at Rose's and Jack's hut. He threatens the couple and Desmond agrees to go with him.

Miles and Richard (who, Miles notes, has a grey hair -- leading to the touching "I think I just realized that I want to live" moment) get an outrigger and start to paddle towards Hydra island, intending to blow up the Ajira plane so Flocke can't leave. As they're paddling, they find Lapidus in the water, and after they help him up into the boat and tell him their plan, he looks at them like they're dumber than a box of rocks and says, "I'm a pilot." And voila, a plan is born!

As everybody's nearing the heart of the island, Kate grabs Sawyer's gun and shoots Flocke several times, to no avail (important: he can't be wounded). Flocke realizes that Jack is the new Jacob and thinks it was a boring choice (just like the rest of us). He asks Jack what he's gonna do, and Jack says he's gonna kill him, and obviously that can't happen, so they all merrily trek on to the heart of the island together. As they approach it, Flocke says that it should only be him, Jack, and Desmond who continue.

Flocke and Jack use a huge-ass rope to tether Desmond to a tree, and Desmond tells Jack that nothing matters because he keeps seeing the sideways world, where everybody is happy. Jack finally learns the fucking lesson, and tells Desmond that there are no shortcuts, that whatever happened happened, and that everything matters. Desmond is lowered into the pit where the light is, and there he finds a small spring and a massive stone cork (and a bunch of human skeletons). He unpops the cork, the water stops, the whole cavern turns red-orange and smokey, and the whole island starts to rumble like it's hella hungry.

Flocke tells Jack that he (Jack) was wrong, and starts to walk away, but Jack is having absolutely none of that shit, so he runs up and punches him several times in the face -- and Flocke starts to bleed (thus: he can now be injured and presumably killed). However, he (Flocke) hits Jack over the head with a big rock and escapes to go get his boat, to get himself to the plane.

Claire finds Miles et al, and though Richard offers to let her leave with them, she refuses.

Flocke is almost to his boat, on these huge stony cliffs in the pouring rain, when Jack screams his name and fucking jumps like fifty feet to

[COMMERCIAL BREAK THAT I'M NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE ABC FOR]

start punching the ever-loving shit out of Flocke. They struggle and fight, and eventually Flocke ends up on top of Jack, having stabbed him under the ribcage and now sitting on top of him, trying ever-so-hard to stab him in the throat (Jack does end up with a cut on the side of his throat, which is what he saw in the airplane mirror in the season premiere). But Kate shoots him and kicks him off the cliff to his death. Cue applause. It's over.

Except it's not over. The island is still shaking like a motherfucker, and Jack tells everybody to get to the plane before the island sinks entirely. Ben chooses to stay ("If the island is going down, then I'm going down with it."), and Hurley sees the rickety ladder and is like hell no. So it's down to Desmond (still in the cavern), Jack (stabbed in the chest), Ben, and Hurley.

Oh yeah, and Jack and Kate kiss and say they love each other, but nobody really gives a shit about that.

Miles, Richard, and Lapidus are getting the plane ready to take off just as Kate and Sawyer get to the beach, where they find Claire. Claire again refuses to come, because "this island made [her] crazy!" and she doesn't want Aaron to see her like that, and she doesn't know how to be a mother. Kate consoles her, saying that nobody does, and Sawyer sees that the plane is starting to move. They high-tail it outta there, and fortunately Lapidus sees them before he takes off. They board the plane just as the runway falls into the ocean.

Jack, Hurley, and Ben are back at the heart of the island, and Jack, knowing he isn't going to survive, makes Hurley the new Jacob, and then goes down into the cavern. In there, he finds Desmond, wretched, miserable, and manages to figure out that he needs to put the stone cork back, before tying Desmond to the rope he was let down on. Jack puts the cork back, the smoke stops, the cave returns to its golden glow, and the spring starts to flow again. Ben and Hurley pull at the rope, and are surprised to find Desmond, rather than Jack. Everybody cries.

Hurley then asks Ben if he would like to be his number two on the island, and Ben agrees. I cry.

Jack wakes up back in the bamboo forest where he awoke for the first time after the crash all those years ago, and stumbles towards the beach before stumbling to the ground and lying there, accepting that he is dying. Vincent (the dog) runs over to him and lays down beside him, and the last thing Jack sees before he dies is the Ajira plane flying overhead, carrying everybody home.

IN THE SIDEWAYS WORLD:

Jack's father's coffin has finally arrived in LA. Desmond signs for it, and Kate (who is with him) asks him what the hell is up. He says that though she doesn't know it, he is her friend, and that he wants to help her leave. When she asks where they're leaving to, he smiles and drives off.

Hurley and Sayid arrive at a motel, and when Hurley knocks on the door, Charlie answers it. Despite reminded that he is supposed to be at a concert, and despite Hurley telling it will be the most important thing he will ever do, Charlie tells him to fuck off, so Hurley shoots him with a tranquilizer gun and carries him to his car. When the two arrive at the concert to drop off Charlie, Miles and Sawyer are there and see Sayid (who they suspected of shooting Jin), so Sawyer goes to find Jin and Sun in the hospital to make sure they're okay.

At the hospital, Juliet comes into Jin's and Sun's room to do an ultrasound, and in the process, the two remember their time on the island. Jack is about to undergo surgery on John, to fix his paraplegia, and it is revealed that in the sideways world, Jack and Juliet are (or were? I'm not entirely sure) married. Jack, who will be unable to go to the concert, gives his ticket to Juliet and tells her to take Claire.

Hurley and Sayid sit in Hurley's car outside of a bar, and it soon becomes apparent that there's a fight going on in the alley, presumably centered around the woman who exited the bar right before the two men. Sayid jumps out to help, and one of the men stop and approach Hurley in his car. It's Boone, who apparently remembers life on the island, just as Hurley does. As Sayid helps Shannon up, the two suddenly remember life on the island, and they kiss. It's sweet.

Backstage of the concert, Charlie is woken up by Charlotte, who then runs into Faraday. We don't see their moment, but they probably have one (when Eloise asks Desmond if he's going to be taking her son, he tells her that no, he's not going with them; she is relieved). Charlie goes up on stage to play, and sees Claire out in the audience. He starts to have flashes of the island, and apparently so does Claire, because she starts going into labour. Whoops. Claire is taken by Kate and Charlie backstage, and while Charlie goes to get blankets, Claire gives birth, and both she and Kate remember the island. When Charlie returns, Claire grabs his hand, and then he remembers too. They all look at Desmond, who just showed up, and ask him what's next.

John comes out of surgery and apparently now remembers the island: "It worked," he says, and then he starts wiggling his toes, much to the surprise of Jack. Sawyer arrives at the hospital to find Jin and Sun leaving. They smile at him and tell him they're fine, and when he then goes to a vending machine, he meets Juliet. She helps him get his stuck chocolate bar out of the machine, and they begin to remember. They start to make a date and then everything comes back, and they kiss. It's really really sweet.

Jack shows up at the concert after it's over, and Kate is there. He starts to remember, but like freaks out and doesn't let it happen. Kate tells him that if he comes with her, he'll understand.

Locke shows up at the church where Christian's body is, and Ben is sitting at a bench outside. Ben tells Locke that he probably doesn't need the wheelchair anymore, and Locke victoriously stands. He asks Ben if he's coming inside, and Ben says that no, he has some things he needs to work out, and he's going to stay here for a while (can you say: CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!!). Locke goes inside. Hurley pops outside and Ben again tells him he's staying behind. Hurley tells Ben that he was a great number two, and Ben says that Hurley was a great number one, before he ducks back inside.

Jack goes into the church via the back entrance, finds his father's coffin, and then finds his father. Standing there. Not in the coffin. They hug and Jack remembers -- sort of. He's a slow one, Jack.

Christian then explains what the sideways world is: It is, for lack of a better term, the afterlife. It's the place between life and whatever's next, where people who have been strongly tied together can find each other and move on together. Everybody in the sideways world is dead, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. As Christian says: "Everybody dies, kiddo. Some before you, some... long after you." The most important part of all of these people's lives was spent together, and nobody lives life alone. He says that they're here to move on. When Jack asks where they're going next, Christian smiles and says, "Let's go find out."