#relationshitgoals

Hi, and welcome to Relationshit Goals. This is a blog formed as a platform for me to expose and attack all of the bullshit between men and women, and all of the bullshit specific to men only or women only. This will include calling out all of the bullshit games we play, all the double standards we exhibit, all of the hypocrisy we employ, all of the lies we tell, and everything in between. Let's face it -- you can't get away from this shit. Even if you have the "perfect relationship," you and your partner pull bullshit moves on each other at one point or another. This isn't a "man problem," and it's not a "woman problem." It's an "everyone problem."

WHAT THIS BLOG IS NOT:

*A SOCIAL JUSTICE BLOG. I am NOT here to "stick up for marginalized groups." I may be all for women's equality, but nearly ALL of you piss me off sometimes (as I am CERTAIN that ALL men piss women off sometimes). (To be fair, nearly all of men piss me off from time to time, too, given their behavior.) Even though I recognize the fact that women have been marginalized by our patriarchal society for millenia, that doesn't mean they're "safe" or "off limits" here. Oh, no no no. If we're equal, we're equal. I will write about things that piss me off. I don't give one single, shriveled fuck what group those things belong to.

*A FREE SPEECH PLATFORM. Most of you don't even know what "free speech" is, what it entails, when it is limited, when it is applicable, or the consequences of it. Most people think that when they're told to kindly shut the fuck up, they're being "censored." Bob Smith disagrees with Suzie Brown's opinion (which Suzie posted on her own Facebook page), and firebombs her post with all kinds of hateful rhetoric. Not wanting to put up with all this shit, Suzie deletes his comments and blocks him. So Bob, using his freedom of speech to its fullest extent, gets on his own Facebook page and begins blubbering that he's being "censored" and that his "freedom of speech" is being violated. (To reiterate: he is using his uncensored freedom of speech to cry that he is being censored and his freedom of speech violated.) So, to remove any confusion, this is not a free speech platform. I'll argue with some people, but deal with morons as I see fit. Welcome to hell, bitches!

*A SEXUALLY AROUSING BLOG. I know a lot of "relationship goals" blogs are sexy GIFs and steamy lines about erotic encounters. The title, "Relationshit Goals," should be an indicator that this is not... that.

*MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY. Like... fuck off. I'm pretty well sick of everyone in this world. If you're offended, please relocate yourself to the nearest street construction site and find a parking cone. Remove your pantaloons and undergarments. Do not apply lubricants to your anal sphincter; rather, we want penetration to accrue as much friction as possible. Begin to lower your buttocks, and allow the tip of the parking cone to penetrate your butthole. Then, with a series of back-and-forth twists, lower your body towards the ground until the cheeks of your posterior touch the concrete, resulting in full anal insertion of the parking cone. (Translation: Go fuck yourself.)

*A PLACE TO FUCK YOURSELF. If, as mentioned above, the "go fuck yourself" comment is applicable, kindly do so elsewhere.

*A TOMATO. This blog is literally NOT a tomato, so if you were looking for tomatoes or tomato products, go to Wal-Mart. There are no tomatoes here for you.

WHAT THIS BLOG IS:

*A BLOG. I write things and make things. I steal pictures off of the internet, make them into memes or meme-style cartoons, and then write about them. If I steal anything else that I feel needs credit, I'll either link back or mention it. The pictures with "#relationshit" are made by me (with stolen internet pictures) because I'm cool like that. ANYTHING written that does not have an otherwise listed source (even if source is "unknown" or "anonymous") that isn't OBVIOUSLY stolen (like a common quote or axiom) is written by me.

*A TOMTO. Ok, I lied. This blog is a tomato. Fuck off.

Imagine a world, if you will, where people said precisely what they mean. In this alternate reality, people don't say things they don't mean and expect others to be psychic and know that what you mean is exactly the opposite of what you said. In this world, "communication" is effective and efficient, and people aren't left baffled when they're being shit on for doing things they've been told were perfectly fine to do.

Looking at you, ladies.

See, I've had this problem in nearly every relationshit I've been in, and I can't figure it out. In a man's world, we would just say whatever the fucking fuck we mean.

Her: Honey, do you care if I go get my nails and hair did today?

Me: Not at all. Enjoy.

Her: Honey, do you care if I titty-fuck the shit out of you?

Me: Let me think... *brief pause* I think that would be all right.

Her: Honey, do you care if I go get trashed with a bunch of young hot men and stay out all night and then stumble in the front door in the morning?

Me: That makes me a little uncomfortable. Could we pass on that?

However, when we turn the tables, the story is a little different. When I ask you a question, I'm not being a jerk. I'm not trying to pressure you. I know some men are this way, but I'm not. When I ask you if you mind if I do something, I'm literally extending the option to you to veto my activity if it bugs you in any way. This is a way of showing respect: if my planned activity will upset you, I don't want to do it. I'm giving you a chance to voice your feelings and be heard. To have an impact on the things I do, my comings and goings. However, what we run into is a little bit of this...

Me: Hey, I really want to go fishing Saturday. Do you care?

Her: Go right ahead.

*Saturday comes, and as I'm fishing, incessant texting*

Her: Are you ALMOST DONE? You KNEW I had a ton of stuff to do, and this is REALLY cutting into my plans.

...You could've said something, ANYTHING, before Saturday. If we establish that I'm going fishing on Saturday, then that is my plan. Your secret plans, which you either did not mention or mentioned in passing, do not impinge on that: if you need me to cancel my fishing plans because unexpected things are arising, that's what you could say:

Her: I know you're planning on fishing this Saturday, and I know I said that was totally cool, but ten things have come up since then, and that's the only day we have together, so could we work on those things instead?

Me: Well... that sucks... Maybe I could go next Saturday...

OR,

Me: I'm thinking about going to Joe's house on Friday night to drink and play video games. Some people from work are going to be there. Cool?

Her: Yeah, that's fine.

Me: *Does it*

Her *the next day, mad* *silence*

Me: What's wrong?

(What ensue is the usual exchange of "nothing," "no really what's wrong," "nothing at all," "ok," and then later...)

Her: It's just that... I'm really upset that you went.

Me: ...But you said you were fine with it.

Her: Yeah, but [insert reasons]. You should have known I wouldn't be okay with that.

So I am to be psychic. Rather than addressing those reasons in the first place, you chose to set a trap for me. You told me it was fine to walk through this field, never mentioning that you had laid out mines. You just expected me to see the mines and avoid them. That is unfair and absurd. People who love each other don't make each other wander through minefields that they set.

So when I mentioned Joe's house, you knew it would make you uncomfortable for whatever reason. So instead of setting a trap for me so you can watch me fail, tell me you're uncomfortable with it, and then tell me the reasons. Again -- I've given you veto power over my actions. Use it. Tell me the situation makes you feel bad, and let me respectfully bow out of the plans. Maybe I can come up with alternate plans -- a compromise that makes both of us feel comfortable.

This might make you feel all the pain that they felt so hold up...

They started as friends, they became each other's companion in everything, they called each other out when they're bored. They were happy. They were really attached. It was like a perfect feeling that you were depending on someone who's ready to be there for you all the fucking time. One day he confessed, he truly confessed to her how much he love her, how much he want to explode whenever he see another guy trying to hit on her, that's when she confessed without thinking twice that she can't take him out of her mind, they were so crazy about each other.

They were each other's pillow at night, shared one blanket, and in the morning he'll cook for her cause he knows she can't cook, he did not complain about it cause he likes her that way, being the baby who needs his daddy. And there he was being a daddy, a best friend and a lover to her. They will watch movies together, eat like a pig, tease each other until she punch him. They enjoyed each other's company until one day....

One fine day, he fucked up. He cheated on her. But she loves him to death so she gave it another shot believing that he will never do that again for goodness sake. But he did, he fucking did it again. He fucking did it uncountable times and because she was fucking down for him, she gave him another chance. But this time, everything changed. She's paranoid. He turned her from a one fine girlfriend into a paranoid one. She had trust issues, she sleeps with her trust issues whenever he's out with his friends. She did not gave her trust completely. How could you blame her? No you can't dumbass.

And this day came, a one sweet stranger hit her up. Texted her. Asked her out. She got into it. She was happy. She felt the butterflies in her stomach dirty dancing. She was enjoying every bit of their time together but she realized that it was bad, that it was a mistake. And because she had no guts to face her one true love, she chose to break the tie. The stranger guy felt special but then her one true love, fought for her. He ran after her, he ran to get his girl back, she needed time. She admitted to him, it was the first time she felt those weird feelings, that she was happy with that one sweet stranger even for a short time, she admitted that she felt something special. But at the end of the day, she chose him. She stopped being connected with this stranger. Then it's THEM again.

She thought this is now a good time for them, for building the future together. She thought it's the end of all the heartache, but they fought all the time. There were no days that they did not shout at each other, that they did not cursed each other. They were in love. But the respect was not there anymore. He never respected her, she still chose to stay even though she cries herself to sleep all the time cause he attempted so many times to break up with her. He was tired of everything. He thought that giving up was the best option. Until one day.... he officially cut the tie, he killed her emotionally. She was down. She tried to hold onto it, she tried to save the relationship that they built. She tried to save the love that they both had for each other. She tried to make her man stay. But he pushed her hard.

Then one strange day, she woke up feeling nothing. Feeling so numb. Feeling so weird. She wasn't hurt anymore. She believed that happiness is a choice so she said "I will move on" and she did. Bro, she fucking did. It was an achievement, she saved herself. And he was still out there figuring out whatever he wants, drinking out like it's his last day in this world. She didn't care anymore. She kept silent about it for weeks, for months, until one day she bumped into this guy... a big guy anyway

They have many things in common, they talk everyday and every night. Waking up to each other's good morning texts. They clicked. She's completely happy. And this guy from her past found it out, he realized that he needs her. He confessed to her, that he still love her. But then she felt nothing. She already said goodbye to his bullshits and so there's no turning back. She felt sorry for him, but his way of getting her back wouldn't work anymore because the girl he left for his pride, for his ego, is now happy on her own. And he cannot accept it. It was like... he was blaming her that she entertained a new guy, that she opened the door of her heart for this new guy, he felt dumb. He was so jealous. It was her right to choose happiness, it was her choice to be happy again. She wished and prayed for him to find someone who will love him just the way she loved him or even more than that, cause she knew that no matter how fucked up he was, they both deserve better. And then he dated someone else. It was his choice and she wasn't hurt. She's happy with it and you cannot blame her just because she chose to move on after he left her. Blaming is not a solution. They both made mistakes, and maybe that's just it. Or let's just say... the book of their love story has ended and we just have to respect their choices.