Maybe I can never really love you the way I used to.
Carefree and with no regrets, hopelessly giving my everything to you til you are my only everything.
I’m sorry for sounding so mean, but I’m scared. I remember thinking of you for hours and hours on end, talking to you for hours and hours on end.
It seems the attention I was so fond of drifted away. Your time and eyes shifted to something much more important than me, and I know it is more important than I am.
So I’m not mad. I’m not angry at you, for I still do love you the best I can. Just not the way I want to.
I want to love you like I did in the beginning. Before the first fight, before the jealousy, before the words we’ve spoken to each other that created rocky terrain.
I want to love you like I forgot what it felt like to be hurt by you. I want to love you like you forgot what it felt like to be hurt by me.
I want to love you like the hopeless romantic I am, not the cynic you are. I want to love you freely and like its breathing.
I love you til my breath stops, but I don’t love you like its breathing. You can’t breathe wrong.
I guess to beat around the bush and to be clear, I love you. I really do. But we don’t love eachother the way I yearn to be loved. I crave to be desired and needed. I crave to be on your mind so much you feel yourself levitating to your phone to message me or call. I crave to have your ears perk up when you hear my name in a crowd of words. I crave to be loved the way I love you. I crave to not feel ashamed of the way I love you, knowing you’ll never be that way. I crave to be loved the way you used to love me.
It’s not that I don’t feel like I love you anymore, I just wish I could love you without feeling like you won’t ever love me the way you used to again.
