When I went up to the VA in Cleveland and received my 'official' diagnosis of fibromyalgia, his prescription for me was talk therapy. He believed that the past traumas in my life threw of my my system out of whack, neuromuscular. I mean I've also totaled 2 cars, and worked from 13/50 so my body has endured a lot. I've been in and out of therapy for 23+ years. Marriage, divorce, personal, family, behavioral (for oldest son). There is benefit in it for me though it's REALLY dependent on counselor. I exercise regularly. Eat healthy most of the time. Practice yoga. Mediate. Have great relationships with my kids, friends. And yet the talk thing is not enough. I feel it in my head, neck and shoulders. That's where I carry my trauma. And in my heart. I had a few tell me that to 'be more positive.' Last one I said that she had to redefine positive; I'm here and I'm wearing clothes.' If you want that kind of positive, rent a Mary Poppins DVD. I am a firm believer that my body retains trauma and it manifests itself in illness and pain. I also believe that I'm an empath, a sensitive. I absorb others' energies as well. That's why when I'm in the company of toxic people, my body inhales their energy. Once I went on disability and left my boss who was a bully, my energy felt relief. It was no accident that I was close to liver failure there. Liver rids our bodies of toxins. Mine was unable to process and started to shut down. I have a severe case of autoimmune liver disease. My own body is trying to kill itself. Dealing with my childhood, an emotionally and verbally abusive ex husband and a boss, a passive aggressive ex husband, 2 major car accidents and a couple of shitty choices in relationships later, I'm still in chronic, debilitating pain. Biggest loss yet was the death of my grandson at 34 weeks. Watching my baby lose and bury her baby, devastating. And I lost my grandson. How do they get up and do stuff? Amazes me. Sometimes it's a good thing, being aware. Sometimes it's a heavy burden to bear because I am unable to turn it off. I can live in denial for a bit but it always comes back like a bulldozer. Crushing my spirit. Sometimes I bounce back up. Sometimes I have to peel myself off of the ground. Many a time I just lay low, no energy to move.
