#relationshipblues

this will probably be the first acknowledgement that I struggle with this simple word when it comes to relationships. how far is too far? with Alex, it's been a roller coaster from the start, but I always tell myself at the end of the day that the highs overshadow the lows. but I find myself yearning for more, and I feel afraid to find that maybe Alex isn't capable of giving me more; he isn't capable of being the one who only sees me in his world, or realizes the forever unkept messy hair hot-mess in every corner of my life person is always a degree of who I am. for pushing me to be a better version of myself I am entirely grateful for, but where is the enough? when does it transform from positively improving me to someone who he would change to rather be with? then there's spitefulness. tonight there was bringing up his slutty self-centered galfriend as he so eloquently put it, "just to piss me off." I wanna be with the guy who talks me down from the ledge, not pushes me off it. This also isn't the first time he's done something like this, so when do I say, "enough." If I've already figured out he might not be able to go the distance, then why am I still here?!

When the person you are in love with puts you in the friend zone because they got things to work out. Nigga pleeze. Too many things can happen. 1. I can fall out if love 2. I can start enjoying my single life and begin to mingle. 3. I meet a guy, who pays me attention, treats me like a queen and makes me fall head over heels. 4. I have a one night stand with a cutie,have unprotected sex, wind up pregnant, and have a shot gun wedding. All of the above have ran through my mind in the wee hours of the night.

The blue sky twinkling above.

Sigh.