Sometimes it dawns on you slowly. A suspicion that begins as a faint as a wisp of smoke in your mind that eventually blazes into a real emotional bonfire.  In other instances you stumble upon it like a crack in the sidewalk. And in other cases it’s smashed into your face like a two by four. 

At some point in our lives many of us have realized that the person with whom we’ve entrusted our body, heart and spirit is cheating on us with another. It doesn’t matter if we discovered it by searching through his/her phone or by an anonymous call from a “well meaning” tipster.  Nothing can prepare you for the emotional devastation that follows when we learn that our partner has betrayed our trust.

Once the cat’s out the bag you’ve got to decide if you’re going to kick em’ to the curb or if you’re going to stay (and for the record, getting even by torching all his belongings a la Bernie in “Waiting to Exhale?” or sleeping with their best friend is not an acceptable response).

If you choose to stay you’re going to ask yourself the inevitable question of “Can I ever trust her/him again?” Instead of asking yourself “Will they cheat again,” I think the more useful questions are “Do they understand why they CHOSE to cheat?” (yes, cheating is a choice) and “Are they committed to doing whatever it takes to ensure they don’t cheat again?” for you can only change a behavior if you understand what’s driving it.

Dumping a wayward partner can be a completely logical response in some instances.  Let’s be real:  not everyone desires to be faithful. Hell, not everyone is even capable. Infidelity in it’s various forms, whether emotional, physical, financial, is an issue that will unfortunately be faced by many at some point in a committed relationship. But depending upon the study you read, your new partner has anywhere between a 20 to 50 percent chance of cheating, too. Unless your partner is a chronic philanderer, finding a new one isn’t a guarantee that you’ll never be cheated on again.