#relationchip

So, there have been a few commercials that made me go, “Waitaminute. Are those two... an item?” The infamous Folgers commercial, some of the Geico caveman commercials, and most recently, an Orkin commercial. But this one is the first to ever help me spawn a hashtag:

Breathing Again

In life we go through some very hard and trying situations. Each of us experiencing these trials differently to each other. No one can ever say that their experience is worse than another person. We are all unique as is the interpretation of our experience and the effect it has on us. 

There are so many of us out there who go on day to day with our own struggles and the constant mind chatter that we carry within us. The constant pain that sits inside of us, yet we carry on. We keep moving. We keep smiling and trying to live our life as best we can without making too much fuss about the wars, we fight inside us.

Sometimes it is good to just sit with these emotions and to come to terms with what we are feeling. At other times it is good to not let these feelings run away with us. By this we stop over thinking about them and we compartmentalise them into files to be stored away. (get on with life)

But what we are doing is causing a deeper-rooted problem that will surface again and again within our lives if we do not address and come to terms with (as best we can) the traumatic situations we have come through or are facing. We are no longer living in a world where emotions are a taboo and seen as inappropriate to have them let alone express them. Heaven forbid we ask for help because they are consuming us and eating away at us from the inside out like some dreadful disease. The reality is, if not checked that is exactly what it will do to you. You see the very word Disease is nothing more that a Dis-Ease with oneself.

It is no longer ok to say, “oh just get over it” Well, you may as well not throw your rubbish out. Just keep pilling up the bags of rubbish in your home. 2 bags, 3, 10, 25, 50 bags that begins to smell up your home, rotting away in dark black bin bags sweating and suffocating. So much decay, mould and stuff that you have acclimated but have no clue as to what is in the bags anymore. Or what order they are in. which one did you fill first and where is it. Is that the one that has the most smell and decay. This is what our unchecked emotions are like and these go way back. But we have all been trained to supress emotions and operate in such a way as not to cause drama or be dramatic.

Essentially, we are taught not to express any feelings that will make the people around us uncomfortable or burdened by our grief. And so, we are a society of deeply troubled beings full of garbage walking around trying to have relationships with friends, family, partners and co-workers while the whole time spilling out our rubbish all over the place making a mess of things as we go. Hurting people unconsciously as we go. Without being aware that it is US who causes the unhealthy situations by not addressing ourselves first.

I wish to create a healthy platform of sharing. Where we can be a community that does not judge one another but has empathy for each other and wish to be there for each other. God knows the world may be full of people but is has become a very isolated world where we share more with Face Book than we do with each other. If we are to become strong individuals, we must be willing to be there for each other and help each other to stand.

Parece que o Cupido finalmente se reformou e foi substituído por um engenheiro de software com tendências sociopatas. O RelationChip chegou a Portugal e, com ele, a promessa de que o amor eterno já não depende da confiança, mas sim de uma boa ligação 5G e de uma incisão cutânea de cinco milímetros.

Sob o lema — nada disto é distópico, prometo — "Dois chips, um namoro, zero segredos", o dispositivo propõe-se a transformar qualquer relação num episódio de Black Mirror realizado por um ex-namorado ciumento. Afinal, quem precisa de "espaço pessoal" ou "privacidade" quando pode saber, em tempo real, que o seu parceiro está a dar um like numa foto de 2014 de uma prima em segundo grau?

A Revolta das Celebridades (ou o Regresso da Sanidade)

As redes sociais, habitualmente um oásis de paz e harmonia (contém ironia), entraram em combustão. Inês Castel-Branco confessou estar "completamente escandalizada", o que é compreensível. É difícil digerir que, em 2026, a evolução do romance passe por transformar o namorado num cão com GPS de luxo.

Ana Markl, num raro momento de lucidez poética no Instagram, questionou como é possível amar alguém que não queremos que exista além de nós. Uma pergunta pertinente, mas talvez demasiado profunda para um mercado que tenta vender "abuso em formato hardware". Já Sara Prata e Jessica Athayde agarram-se à última esperança da humanidade: a de que isto seja apenas uma campanha de marketing muito retorcida.

Porquê contentar-se com a confiança quando se tem Geofencing?

Sejamos honestos, o RelationChip resolve problemas que nem sabíamos que tínhamos:

Poupe em discussões: Já não precisa de perguntar "Onde estiveste?". A aplicação já lhe enviou uma notificação a dizer que ele parou numa roulotte de bifanas durante 12 minutos.

Gestão de Passwords: Esqueceu-se da senha do Wi-Fi? Entre no cérebro (ou no pulso) do seu parceiro e recupere-a.

Transparência Total: A lista de contactos passa a ser um bem público, quase como uma biblioteca municipal, mas com mais drama.

O Triunfo do Marketing ou o Apocalipse do Namoro?

A fundadora da associação 'Não Partilhes', Inês Marinho, acertou no ponto: conseguimos capitalizar o controlo. Se o RelationChip for real, o próximo passo lógico será um upgrade que permite dar pequenos choques elétricos quando o parceiro visualiza uma mensagem e não responde em menos de 30 segundos. O "Pack Premium" certamente incluirá um bloqueador de chamadas da sogra.

Se for, de facto, uma campanha de sensibilização — como todos os neurónios funcionais do país imploram que seja — os meus parabéns aos criativos. Conseguiram provar que a única coisa mais assustadora do que um vírus informático é uma relação onde o "nós" é apenas um plural para "eu controlo-te".

*my partner has to go to bed before me and leave before I wake up for their job again tomorrow morning, which is what happens most days every week*

Me: