Look… I know I gave all those speeches.. about recovery and how hard it is but worth it. I’m trying to gain control in my life and- the one thing I’ve felt like I couldn’t control was my body. I know this makes me a hypocrite, but I forgot how effective it is. I don’t want to go back to throwing up. That was… gross and my teeth suffered. The last four or five days… I’ve been, well I’ll call it a calorie deficit. I’ve cut my calorie intake more than half, I allow myself 900 calories a day. So… no one can say I’m starving myself. I do eat still, just one meal a day and a late night snack. Eating 3 times a day plus a snack here and there was never… it wasn’t supposed to happen. I feel so gross eating so much and this way.. I feel like I’ve earned my meal. I stopped exercising because I was testing to see how much energy I could actually use safely on my calorie cut. Anyway, these shorts… I use to have to suck in to put on and after being zipped up I would literally spill over the top. I wouldn’t be doing this again if it just weren’t SO effective. 5 days ago these shorts were nearly 2 sizes too small. Now they fit. I don’t know how far this will go, but I had a dream last night that I had my body back. I don’t know who this girl with belly fat, bigger arms and thick thighs was. I felt like I was in another person’s body. I hate to say… that I miss my bones.