#rejoindering

Imagine those ads from various legal firms offering to assist such as were in the Marine Corps at Camp Lejeune between 1953 and 1987, only to suffer in the end one or more of Various Loathsome Diseases or Illnesses aggravated by contaminated water supply perhaps being cut off when the message gets predictably hound-and-horny--and suddenly replaced with a choice Hanna-Barbera flicktoon.

Perhaps one of the more endearing aspects of the 1990-91 Scooby-Doo prequel series A Pup Named Scooby-Doo would be where, during some particularly predictable moment, a deus ex machina of sorts would take the form of a mock "interruption" of the programme with the proclamation (done up by Don Messick, IIRC) "We interrupt A Pup Named Scooby-Doo for this special announcement!" in newsflash stylee.

Which, at any rate, had me imagining just the other day the potential of that very deus ex machina being rejoindered by some specimen of broadcast erratum such as the late Kermit Schafer was fond of collecting and recording under the banner "Pardon My Blooper!" on gramophone records, in books and a syndicated newspaper feature before his death in 1979. Doubtless plenty to choose from, but at any rate, some especially interesting ones I have in mind here would have to include these:

"This is the Dominion Network of the Canadian Broadcorping Castration."

"The rumour that the President would veto the bill is reported to have come from a high White Horse souse."

"You're listening to WOKO, Albany's worst station!"

"It is my great honour to introduce to the radio audience the Virgin of Governor's Island." (In trying to introduce the governor of the United States Virgin Islands)

"... and be sure to visit your A & Food Pee Store!"

"Be sure to join us next Saturday night at 10 pm for the programme 'High Fidelity,' a new series of programmes designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction."

"Starting next week at the Paramount Theater, you'll see that rollicking smash hit comedy Paleface, starring Bob Hope, America's Favourite Comedian, and miss Jane Russell--BOY, WHAT A PAIR!!"

"And friends, your loved ones can receive no finer care than that offered by McFuneral's Peter Parlour."

"This is KABR radio, Aberdeen, South Dakota, transmitting on a frequency of 1430 kilocycles with 100 pots of wower."

(On a BBC request programme) "We have a request here from a Miss McTavish from Edinburgh; it's an old Highland number, 'The Blue Balls of Scotland.'"

"Ladies and gentlemen, presenting ... Tito Guitar and his guizar!" (In introducing Mexican guitarist Tito Guizar)

(On a quiz program) "And what do you do for a living, my good madam?" "I work for the Pittsburgh Natural Gas Company; 90% of all homes in Pittsburgh have gas!"

"We make this offer to help you experience the real smoking pleasure of these truly fine ci--" [coughing fit] "--cigars."

"Now here's another time check--it's 7:35 am--and while your coffee's brewing, let's take a continuing look at the latest news: Today, in the East Asia area, more heavy farting reported on the China front."

(On a children's programme) "Hello, boys and girls; this is your Uncle Fred with some exciting news! Among the new arrivals at the local zoo is a spotted leopard; it just arrived from Africa ... so kids, this Sunday, why not ask your mom and dad to take you to see the newest attraction at the cat house?"

"There's excitement in store in our Million Dollar Movie tonight with Anne Sheridan! Stay tuned as Phillips' Milk of Magnesia brings you Woman on the Run ..."

"And now, stay stewed for the nudes."

"Next time you're in the store, ask for Blue Ribbon. You'll love its delicate freshness ... and remember, Blue Ribbon Broad is double-raped!"