Again he took a seat upon the ground. It was an all too familiar ritual of his. It was recurring even after the years that have gone by. Nishiki returned to be before a mirror propped up against the wall. A forlorn stare aimed at his own reflection. A glare shot at the burn scars that still clung to his right side. With such a serious look, you would think he was Shikiya.
Was the mirror necessary? Yes and no. No in a sense that Nishiki could always see his counterpart without the aid of it. Yes in a sense that he wished to also stare directly at himself too.
'Is it that time again?'
"Yeah…"
'Then I suppose a Happy Birthday and a Happy Anniversary are in order.'
"Eh…"
There was a long silence. It almost felt like it was meant as a moment to pay respects to something. Who knows what. It made Nishiki shift around uncomfortably.
"Well, you're still somehow here. I still don't know what the hell you are, and I'm both too afraid to ask and wondering if it even matters anymore."
After all this time Nishiki still questioned Shikiya. Two sides of the same coin. Does this make each side independent? Are the sides only thought of as independent through a skewed perspective? Is it just a single coin in the end? It didn't help that these days their thoughts have been becoming uncannily identical more and more often. However, one side was a question, and the other the potential answer that they both feared.
'Am I just weak?'
'Am I just what you wish to be?'
'Am I just lonely?'
'Am I just your imaginary companion?'
'Am I just looking for someone to love me?'
'Am I just you loving yourself in a twisted way?'
They stopped. Nishiki quietly pulled his knees up to hide his face against them. A swallow held back the burning knot in his chest.
They both knew they were loved. How couldn't they? Majima and Kiryu both always welcomed and loved Nishiki more than a sworn brother. That was extended to Shikiya after they learned of him, accepted him, and after Shiki himself came around as a better person.
So why?...
That's when buried emotions and memories bubbled up once again. Childhood with his adopted brother. The taboo feelings that developed for him as they grew. The understanding and respecting of the other's disinterest and innocence on that subject. That, he could have lived with.
Teeth grit and his hands clenched over his own hair as it continued, while skipping over a black smear in his life.
The first time Kiryu found and confessed his love, but for another. The hatred and jealousy that was born of this towards Majima. To once again swallow a childhood want. Those negative feelings towards the eventual one eyed groom that somehow transformed into love for him too. The happiness towards the pair was genuine and enjoyable. He loved them dearly and would rather die than be an obstacle between them, but-...
that hole I swallowed… It kept growing.
Nishiki blinked back his tears. His attention was brought back to reality thanks to a pair of arms gently wrapping around him. Shikiya's nails kneaded painfully wherever they ended up resting during that embrace. The pain was light, but it was also comforting in that it was how his doppelganger displayed his affection and a reminder that he was very real to him.
That hole… For both, it was filled that night when Nishiki confessed his own love towards Shikiya. The mirror had long improved by then even though he was still very rough around the edges. Nishiki knew him better now and how his thorns often had a deeper and loving meaning behind them. The ring on that finger attested to that night. Really… who the hell becomes engaged with themselves?
Once again Shikiya's nails dug and the other winced. Again he was reminded how real and separate the other was to him. They grounded one another now. Nishiki couldn't help but smile at least a little.
"Hey…"
'...'
"Don't go disappearing on me, alright? Or fusing back with me, or whatever."
"I think I would die if that happened."
'I think I would die if that happened.'
