Also a friend told me I should keep a journal instead of updating my shitty blog (he didn't insult my blog I'm insulting my blog its shitty) but I have a weird thing about journals and lET ME TELL YOU A STORY, TUMBLR
I do not like keeping a journal, because of a friend I had. A very bad friend, but she was my BFF for years because I had noone else. But she was kind of terrible, I think the best thing she did for me was introduce me to wolfy and that's it.
She'd constantly mock and make fun of me for doing things the way I did, and she was the ~athletic type~ so she never got why I was the way I was. I was fat and dumb and she was. SKINNY AND TALL AND ALSO GOOD GRADES whatever. anyway. POINT OF THE STORY.
JOURNALS.
Of course, with two sisters I know a lot about SNEAKIN PEEKS at journals. My middle sister and I used to sneak peaks at our oldest sister's journal and GIGGLE GIGGLE, EXPERIENCES WITH BOYS, GIGGLE. Whatever. Sister shit.
But this friend of mine always used to sneak peeks at Liz's journals, and I wasn't too comfortable with that. I hadn't kept a journal for a while but started because I had nowhere else to vent. So I got this journal. And I wrote down. ALL OF MY FEELINGS. All of them. And there was a paragraph about my friend. It was rude! But she was rude. She'd hurt my feelings a ton and I wanted to put it down.
well, this friend, while staying over she. We were doing something and she got up to go to the bathroom. AND THEN CAME BACK. SO UPSET. She'd taken my journal and hidden it away while she went to the bathroom to sneak a read at it. And confronted me! And I told her yEAH THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT SHIT?? BUT THAT'S MY PERSONAL JOURNAL YOU CAN'T JUST FUCKING PEEK AT IT and she caused. such a massive shitstorm about it.
Like, I have no entitlement to feel the way I do when a friend treats me shittily.
whatever. Ever since that, I've been terrified of keeping a journal in case anyone finds it and reads it and sees how fucked up I am. The only journal I've kept since then was recent and it has a love letter in it from january or some shit to someone who doesn't give a crap about me anymore. I hide it even though they'd never be here to find it but I'm still that paranoid about it.
I especially don't want to put down my feelings about people who live with me or hang with me who have even the slightest chance of finding and reading it.
TL;DR I'm a paranoid asshole and I should stop having feelings so I don't need to worry about this shit
