#reflectionsjournal

Too many stars, too many dreams. The reality is that in front of these things, I'm just a speck of dust.

-RM, “Too Much”

[submission by Jenna]

Recently I noticed that I'm stuck in one place. No matter how hard I try, I cannot move forward even though I want to. This makes me feel really uneasy, my heart squeezes and I just feel bad for myself. I tell myself everyday, every minute:

"You have to change. You can't become happy if you don't!".

I am still young, I'm in the peak of my youth, I shouldn't be even thinking about changing but the thing is that I am in a position where I have to be more mature than the others, even though I'm not even able to rely on myself. How could I handle others relying on me more than they already do? Someday there will be the one trigger that'll change me but I don't know when it will be. Isn't it better to pull the trigger myself?

I have to change, I have to live. I am afraid but that doesn't change a thing!

I wonder if you had also the same worries as me at a certain point in your life, my dear Namjoon. It's obvious that you changed and you became more and more wonderful as time went by, and I'm sure that this fact won't ever change. As for me I don't have a clue about me anymore or never had it to begin with but maybe I'm just afraid of myself.

For now I will keep trying my best to move forward, my best to become someone who can accept herself.

Dear Namjoon,

After listening to ‘Coffee’ in O!RUL2?, I realised something (other than the sweetness of the song). That maybe everyone has something that they are like. Some people are like caramel macchiatos who are sweet with their words, calming in their personality, and fun to be with. Some are like an Americano, bitter at first/on the outside, but sweet in intentions and are the ones who are the most loyal. People like caffe lattes are the artistic ones, shy but sweet. Those who are similar to cafe mochas are the unique ones, with different traits added on top of a caring person like marshmallows on cafe mocha. Or maybe one could be like bubble tea, bright, bubbly and full of surprises (like the taste of bubbles in the tea). Maybe, if one is like green tea, they’d be a good person to talk to, a relaxing company, and full of elegance. People like chai, are the ones who are the glue of group, who brings and blends everyone in, and are lively.

Or maybe French macarons, they are bright, cute and tender-hearted. Or like Japanese crepes they are, gorgeous, and are an enigma. People like strawberry shortcake are beautiful, pleasant and graceful. I would go on further, but it wouldn’t stop.

To me, Namjoon, you are like a vanilla mocha, sweet and relaxing, sometimes extremely fun and humorous, patient and other times wise and diligent but forever and always a good person inside and outside. So always stay beautiful.

[submission by Blue | @blue-midnight-moon]

“You and I met at our weakest and together we became the strongest.”

You and I met, when I was lost, sad, melancholic and insecure but you were like my shining hope, my light. You held out your hand for me, and I held onto it. We merged as one, soulmates to each other as we went higher and higher, success chasing us, rather than the opposite. We grew up together emotionally, and I have changed. Changed and morphed into a beautiful being, from inside and outside. And now that we are together, looking down upon the clouds from here, I know, I’ll never let go. Nor do I want to, for this bond, it was made of passion, trust, hard work and love and it can’t be broken.

We’ll stay together, we’ll go higher, further than anyone, but together.

Because isn’t that how strong ARMYs’ bond with BTS is?

[submission by Blue | @blue-midnight-moon]

The sun rises, and I am bright and excited. Everyday is a fresh canvas, and my art is my hard work done. Just as the sun brightens up the whole sky, I wish I could lighten the whole world. As a butterfly sparkles in the sunshine, I want to shine like it in the spotlight. Although, I may trip and fall, I won’t shun the wounds that I got while trying to shine, I shall carry them proudly with grace and honour. I know that times may get tough or hard, you will be with me, I know in my heart. So I stand again, and I’ll go higher and higher, no one can stop me, because that’s what BTS taught me; that I was born to shine, when you all shine brighter than any star in the universe.

[submission by Blue | @blue-midnight-moon]

The small child who thought the tiny studio was the whole world is only just peering outside.

-RM, “Too Much”

[submission by Jamful JoonMonie ]

In the middle of the sea, I lay, as the sky spilled its tears.

Rain.

It fell, drop by drop, and then all together, like providing a backing melody to the vocals of my soul.

Rain.

It fell like crystals and gems from the sky, glimmering. I sat up, my hands stretched out, silk sleeves rolled up, as raindrops fell on my arms, only to look like I held stars or diamonds in my arms.

Rain.

The breeze blows softly, adding to the master vocals of the rain and our ethereal duet; I lay back on the sea again.

Rain.

I lie, and the black of my silk blouse is now a holder of stars, of diamonds, of rain; as I listen to the heavenly chorus, my soul taking the lead, the beautiful birds high-up playing the instrumentals, the breeze carrying the beat with it, the sea holding its flow on its waves, and the rain; the rain, the gold of the song, completing everything to make the masterpiece of nature.

[submission by Blue | @blue-midnight-moon]

Recently I had this sudden revelation. I woke up feeling happy. Happy at where I am. Happy with the people I am with. Happy at the person I am today. It’s definitely a new feeling for someone who survived through years of self-deprecation and constant comparison with others. It makes you wonder why and how I even began to hate myself. Was it because of the scars and rashes that decorated my skin? Was it because of how I accepted and embraced the pity of others when they looked at my skin because I thought that that would be the only reason why they would accept me? But that isn’t what I focus on anymore. I’ve connected with loved ones on a deeper level and created new bonds as I welcomed people into my life. For the past few months I’ve gone no where. But I picked myself up and continued to walk forward. I am happy with myself for once. It’s such a weird feeling and so difficult for someone like me to process. I know that moments like this will fade from time to time – but I hope that I get used to this feeling of complete happiness with oneself. Even if it’s just for a while. 

[submission by Charlene]