#ref 7

I am allowed to have fun and I don't loath myself for enjoying myself with my family. It's just that when it's over I'm reminder that it was a distraction. I was in a bad mood when I went in, I recovered (alcohol probably helped) and I was fine till I was left alone. I had a weird moment when I was in the bathroom (after I finished my 3rd and final drink) that life should feel this good all the time. but at the same time I knew it was an undeserved feeling for no accomplishments under the influence of a drug. I knew there would be a climb down and now I just finished that climb. Also I'd like to point out I'm a selfish bastard. Just look at how many times I start a sentence with the word "I." Like, god dude get someone else to talk about. Oh oh, that's something I'd like to talk about. I know for a fact that it'd be easy for me to meet a girl and talk to them. I just don't put any effort into it. Need to find myself a hang out spot away from family. TL;DR I had alcohol, felt fine and crashed. Now back to not being miserable but being self conscious of my shortcomings. My lack of effort and my continuing loneliness.