I Want To Be Takaomi-kun's Bride! (If you think this is a shipping fic, we've clearly been reading different manga.)
Holy fuck, I'm so sorry for the wait.
(Too lazy to get a better screenshot.) Had to reread the series to figure out what kinda bizarre games Takaomi and Mafuyu would play.
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The blond boy fell on his ass as he tried to get away from the demonic entity sauntering his way. "Pl-please," he whimpered, unable to get his legs to cooperate. "Please, let me go…!"
He yelped as a dirty hand snagged the front of his uniform and dragged him up to face the monster smirking at him so nonchalantly.
"Hey, hey. Isn't it rude to leave without a proper goodbye?" he cooed, and then, without waiting for a response, slowly pulling back his unoccupied hand to form a fist, that terrifying grin still etched across his face.
Unwilling to witness it, the poor boy clenched his eyes shut and braced himself for the inevitable, feeling the air shift as the blow came-
"Takaomi-kun! Takaomi-kun!"
In an instant, the tension was shattered, causing the boy's eyes to snap open as he was unceremoniously released. His skull cracked against the pavement, and he spent several minutes cradling his head in agony. When he finally recovered, neither Gojou nor the owner of that voice were anywhere to be seen, his only company that of his fallen comrades.
He blinked in surprise. 'Didn't that sound like a little girl's voice, though…?'
---
Gojou Takaomi stared at the little idiot that had attached herself to his hip. "You want to be what?" he asked incredulously.
A giggle came from her. "I want to be Takaomi-kun's bride," she repeated, not a hint of the embarrassment or shyness that such a statement should warrant.
The delinquent turned away and palmed his forehead in confusion. 'Did I cross some kind of line while we were having a tea party the other day? Was there an incident at school that brought marriage up? Has she lost the ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality?'
Countless possible causes swirled in Takaomi's head, each more disturbing than the last. The weight of certain implications was starting to crush him when the familiar sound of their play mat being rolled out broke him out of it.
Only to find the most bizarre setup he'd ever seen! (And considering how long he's now known Mafuyu, that is an impressive thing.)
The table had been flipped onto its side, the tea set laying strewn about the mat in disarray, that stuffed rabbit positioned in such a way (And how was it staying that way, for that matter?) that it looked like it was crouched and covering its head protectively. And there was Mafuyu, standing in the middle of the chaos over the rabbit, holding a broken bottle–'WHERE DID SHE GET THAT?!'–above her head.
At his shout of terror, she froze. Slowly, she turned around to face him, eyes wide with pupils shrunk set in the middle of her suddenly pale face. "Ah ha ha…" she laughed, the normally sheepish laugh having taken on a slightly unhinged edge and sending chills down his fucking spine. "Welcome home, dear."
He was at a loss for words. What the hell was going on? Had the idiot truly gone insane?
'Wait.' His eyes widened as he recalled something. 'Doesn't this seem like that one American soap opera?' He bopped his fist into his palm. 'Of course!'
The most terrifying man in all of Saitama whirled around, body tensing in preparation as he rushed toward the little girl and-
"How could you do this!" he shouted in fear and outrage. "I thought you were getting better! I thought you were getting help!" He rushed to their son and cuddled him to his chest to comfort him. At the little boy's whimper, he glared up at his wife with accusing eyes. "We can't live like this anymore," he rose, carrying his son as he walked away.
He could hear the hitched breath his wife let out as he shrugged away her outstretched hand and kept walking. The sound of her broken sobbing was the last thing he heard as he finally left that house.
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"And that's how you first pulled me into your little dramas," Takaomi finished, a strangely fond tone to his voice as he finished the story.
Mafuyu didn't pay it much mind, though, as she was too busy trying to ignore the memories she now recalled. 'What the hell was wrong with me as a child?' she shrieked internally.
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I have this head canon that Takaomi was a real dork as a kid, at least when it came to Mafuyu, whom seems to only encourage his insanity (and probably is the direct cause of it too) both now and back then.
