#redfest

word count: 2204

WARNINGS: Drugs and Language 

Please bear with my typographical and grammatical errors. 

"Hello Colson, it's nice to see you again. How are you?" Dr. Martin greeted but my mind is somewhere.

"Colson?" She waved her hand and that's when I am cut off from my train of thoughts. "Sorry. I'm....good." She gave me a troubled smile.   Dr. Martin is my therapist and will be my only therapist. She's Pete's therapist when he was in rehab and he recommended me when I came to realization that I need to get my shit together. I was hesitant at first cause she is a female but Pete convince me to try trust another female aside from Ashleigh and other close girls from my circle. Dr. Martin was patient since the start, she understand how fucked up I am. I've  been trying to get help but after one session I give up. "So what happened?" She look at her charts. Our sessions were smooth. She got me to trust her and I've never felt relief than ever. "I.....well I tried being sober for a day. No alcohol, weed, coccaine, just cigarettes." I tried. But the day felt long without my poisons. "Okay, how did you feel?" I spaced out for a moment. "It was horrible. It felt like a year but it wasn't so bad. I felt myself " Dr. Martin nodded. "Uhuh. I know it's hard to get out from those habits Colson, but take it slow, the process is not overnight. For example, make a list of those habits and cross one out if you haven't done or take one in a day." I really wanted to be better so I'll give it a try though I can't live without those sometimes. "Okay. Next how about you? I mean you? Not your habits." Me? How am I really? "I......don't know doc, yesterday when I was sober I realized how lonely I was. All I want is a someone who understands me. Sees me as Colson not MGK. Someone who stays despite how fucked up I am. Listens to me when I rant. Takes care of me when I'm sick, holds my hand when I'm fighting my demons, tells me about her day. And loves me unconditionally." I sighed. Fuck this mommy issues. Dr. Martin put down the chart she's holding. "You know what, I remeber the nun said to me before. We are so focused and fixed to what we want  that we didn't realize it was already given to us but in a different package. Anyways, that's all for now. I'll see you on thursday." I shake hands with Dr. Martin and left her clinic. What does she mean by that? I shrug it off.

I got home with groceries. It's me being sober cause I realized I don't have anything in my fridge but booze. "Colson, where have you---ohh." Ashleigh was shock to see me holding a bunch of grocery bags. "Uhm need a little help Ash." Ashleigh helped me with some, putting all the bags on the kitchen counter. "I can't believe this." She mumbled but I heard. "What? Is it bad? I don't have anything in my fridge." Ashleigh shook her head in disbelief. "Whatever. Okay, I already arranged your schedule the whole off tour is yours and then I booked a trip to Germany. We're all having a break." I look at her intently. Ashleigh's been my manager for almost 10 years and I couldn't be who am I right now if she didn't let me stay in their home. "Thanks Ash. You're the best." I hug her she hugs me back. "Colson, you're creeping me out. Are you dying?" I laughed. As in laugh hard. "No....oh my god. I'm just sober." Ashleigh smiled in relief. "This is me saying thank you for staying." A tear dropped fron the corner of her eye, she wiped it off and slaps my arm. "Stop it. Of course I know how fucked up you are and you can be. We're family here." I hug her again and we begin to put the items in place.

--------- "Ash. It's okay, I'll do it." Ash is everywhere with her phone calling everyone to cancel my appearance in redfest.

"Dude. You can't even get up. It's your health that matters." Slim scolded me. All of the EST family are here.

"I feel better now. We didn't travel overseas just to cancel." I force myself to get up. When I can manage they all nodded. Ash is on her phone again.

"Dude. Are you sure?" Rook taps my shoulder. "God damn it, it's just sore throat and fever." But it's not just sore throat and fever. It's my body reacting without drugs. I am tempted to take some line of coke but I remember I'm clean for 3 days. "Rest dude. We still have 3 hours, don't worry about everything we got it." Slim patted my back. "Thanks." I slept the whole afternoon and Nicole my PA woke me up when its. "Na ah. Chill, don't get up yet. There's plenty of time." Nicole is a very efficient assistant of mine, she's the longest assistant I had so far plus we don't have that sexual tension unlike my past assistants. She's nice and chill so we don't have a problem getting along, she's more like a sister to me.  "I'm fine, I feel better now."  She just shook her head. "Ashleigh strictly told me to take care of you while they take care of everything. So chill." She left the room and comes back later with a tray. "And you need to eat stubborn ass or you won't have energy for later." The tray contains a mac n' cheese, fajita and a soup.  "I'll eat, now go away."  She didn't budge and stayed on her place. Whatever, I let her be and I feasted on my food. The food tastes bland, maybe because I'm sick but I force myself to eat. Nicole played mother hen and took care of me, she even gave me an energy drink.  "Drink this, instead of snorting some angel dust later." I uttered thanks and drink the drink. I feel better afterwards but I'm still sick and I think I'm going to puke. "Okay time for your make over." I got up from bed and went to backstage to change, the show is starting at 8 so I make it all quick. Everyone's busy in the backstage since it's not just me but Noah, Thugger and the others are also here too. "Kells! You okay now?" Noah went to me and greeted me with our handshake. "I feel like shit but I'm good."

The show started and Thugger hyped the crowd, thank god he's here and the crew or I'll be damned. Noah appeared also after Thugger and then it's my turn.

The show was hard and I almost forgot I'm not feeling well. I ran backstage after the encore, hyperventilating and nauseous, Rook ran after me and help me through the way. One of the crew placed an oxygen mask while I'm half running to the comfort room. I relaxed my breathing before removing the mask and puke my guts out.

"That's nasty." Rook commented but I just flip him off. I puke all the contents I ate in dinner and everything is yellow. Drei massaged my back while I puke and I couldn't thank him enough for that.  "God damn you Colson and your stubborn ass." I really wanted to lay on my bed. I feel  sicker every minute.   "Kells. I got you." Didn't knew Noah followed us here. She has towel already and some wipes. She helped me clean my self and wrapped the towel around me. I'm half naked by the way. "Where the fuck is Nicole, you aren't supposed to be here." Noah just rolled her eyes. "Shut it. Just be glad a lot of people cares for you." Everyone went to an after party that night while me I chose to stay in my bed and sleep.

---

"Colson! Thank god you answered!" Halsey called the next morning. I feel better now. "What? Are you scolding me too?" I can imagine her rolling her eyes. "Of course! You should take care of your self! And I know you're stubborn and won't listen so I won't make anymore fuss about it. Anyways I'm in Australia with Evan. And guess what???? We're official!" I giggled at her enthusiasm, it's good to hear and see that she's happy with him. "Oh really? That's good to hear. We'll see each other when we're in LA. I'm happy for you Ash. Really." My past with Ashley/ Halsey was rough at the start, we're good now though and that's how look for each other telling about our days. "Okay when are you coming back?" We're on our flight to LA now. "Well we've check in already. I'll text you when I'm at the states." Our flight's being called and everyone settled already. "Okay cool. Bye." The flight from Dubai to LA took 16 hours and I realized I hated flights.

-----

We arrived at LA at 12 noon the next day, everyone was exhausted and went to their own places. I was left alone in my house. I just lay there on my couch thinking of what happened these past few days when my doorbell rang. For sure it's just Slim or Rook forgetting something. They have their own keys so I don't know why they use the doorbell. "I swear to god Rook if you're just going to ann--" I opened the door but no one is outside. I shrugged it off, maybe someone from the neighborhood just messing around. I'm about to close the door when someone popped out from nowhere. "Hi....hi oh my god wait." A girl maybe around 9 or 10? I dunno she's tall for 9 or 10, maybe 11? "Hello. Uh sorry can't entertain fans right now. I'm not in the mood. Does your parents know you're here?" Tsk young fans can be agressive sometimes. This is not the first time.

"Uhm no. Actually one of my parent lives here. " I look around if her parent's house is just around. "Uh from what block?"  I asked again. The kid might be selling girls' scout cookies. "Right in this house. Hi dad." She lunged me with a hug. "I'm Casie by the way I'm your daughter." She said happily. I pulled her away from me. "Hey dude. I don't know who your parents are but I'm sure it's not me. " I laughed awkwardly. This kid is crazy, no one pops out of nowhere proclaiming they're my child. Man I should get used to this. The kid pull something out from her bag. An envelope.

"What's this?" I asked when she hand it to me.  "That's the proof that I am your kid." She shrug as if it's not a big deal. I open the paper and read all it's content searching for any discrepancy to prove she is not my kid. But there's nothing, it was stated in the document that I am the father. How the hell could this happened?  "Is this a prank? Am I in some tv show or what?" I asked and scanned the area if there's any camera hidden. You gotta be serious, this ain't funny.  "Do I look like I'm kidding? Okay, my mom is Emma she's from Cleveland and you two met at a Blink 182 song concert. Then poof! You had me."

Emma?? Wait what the fuck? Emma? As in Emma Cannon? "Shi----Shoot. Get inside kid." I let her in before someone sees or hear us. "Wait here and eat that." I offered her the pizza we brought home. I went to the kitchen to call Ashleigh. "Ashleigh! Oh my god I know we're all tired but what I will tell you will make your tiredness go away." I heard a baby's cry on the background, must be Ashton. "What is it kells? It's better be important." Ash sounds like she just woke up from a nap. "I have a kid. A daughter." Silence.  

"What the fuck is that a joke? You called just for that?" I can tell she's pissed off but I am not joking right now. "I am not joking Ash. A kid showed up with documents, plus she's claiming Emma to be her mother." I heard her sigh. "Are you sure it's not some fan? Or a prank? Are the documents legal?" I rolled my eyes. "I'm stupid but I'm not dumb. So get your ass here and tell the others." I hang up before she can answer. I went back to the living room and the kid is still sitting there. "How did you got here?" I asked.