#red.rambles.

like - humans especially traumatised ones are resistant to change. it takes a lot for people who were abused and shit to get out of the mentality that they deserved it. it takes a lot for someone who believed they were unlovable to change that mindset. it takes a lot for someone who grew up in an unsafe environment to feel safe again.

but being AUTISTIC on TOP of that?? it’s horrid. your mind hates change and so those lessons that were beat into you are the only reality your mind accepts. it’s so much harder to heal when change is that fucking scary - even if it’s positive change.

hello hello. timothy al ghul here, but you can call me tim. i’m 17, and a dc (tim drake) fictive. this is NOT a roleplay blog pls don’t treat it like such??

uhhhh yeah. i’m gonna be posting here, even tho @the-ink-archives is our main account.

i’m one of a few hosts of our system (here’s my alter intro), i like tech, coding, skateboarding, my brother ( @what-if-i-just-fictives ), photography, monster energies, and a lot of other stuff. can you tell i’m really bad at this??

anyways.

red.answers. - answering anons

red.rambles. - me rambling

reds.friends. - me interacting w friendsss

sourcemates please interact with care i have. a lot of memories. but like - you can interact. just. be careful?? (doubles are also ok!)

👍 cool

-RR

im SUCH a queen fan holy crap. & marina omg.

here’s my playlist smh

because i see all of these other dc fictives or fictionkins, batfam sourced ppl with happy memories. who actually miss their version of me. who were loving and loved in return and i just.

what do you mean most dicks miss me?? what do you mean there are bruce’s that love their kids?? wdym there’s damian’s who remember us being brothers.

i fucking hate this.

i want to love them. i want to interact and reach out because i miss them. but, i can’t see a dick or damian blog without my heart stopping. i can’t see a bruce interacting with other family members and caring about them without thinking liar liar liar liar.

because in my memories?

dick threatened to put me into arkham after replacing me with damian & ignoring me for months.

jason almost killed me in the tower and i barely survived, he never stopped calling me pretender.

damian almost succeeded at murdering me multiple times, and i had to catch myself after he cut my line - he’d leave bruises and always make me feel unwelcome.

BRUCE WOULD THINK I WAS JASON AND THATS THE ONLY WAY I GOT LOVE FROM HIM FUCKING EVER. and when he didn’t think i was jason? it was a business and professional relationship even though i wanted him to be my dad more than anything. i remember him throwing me down onto the mats in the cave until my back was black and blue and i could barely see because i was crying so much.

i remember being a tool for them. not a son or a brother. even though i loved them more than anything in the world, i was nothing.

it’s not fair that when someone i used to love interacts with my blog i feel a cold sweat and a need to run. it’s not fair. i’m so tired.

to any batfam fictives or fictionkins who see this: