#red-sky things

really interesting how life can go from great to meh when your health goes from generally very good to generally not so great all the time, even when you've taken really good care of your body your entire life. i can't believe how much shit just absolutely starts to crumble in your 40s. i'm so so tired of this.

with the terrible, sad news about ofmd today, i'm grateful for the friends i've made in this fandom who i know i'll continue to keep in touch and enjoy fandom with. i'm also very grateful for having joined the good omens fandom last year and still having gomens s3 to look forward to, because today's news would be so much harder to stomach without that little spark of light. thank you all for being here 🖤✨

is anyone else finding it increasingly hard to control their temper with how expensive everything is getting or is it just me

the thing is ... the thing is ... when i wrote my S4 hannibal fic series in 2016-2017, it came from a place of extreme pain and brokenness and vulnerability and inspiration. it almost felt like i wasn't the one writing it, like the characters were in the driver's seat and i was in the backseat trying to guess the route and hanging on for dear life ... and it was good. i think it was quite good. at least, i think it's the best piece of writing i've done to date, even if they weren't my characters and the base story wasn't my story ... and i've written some fanfic since (ofmd) but it didn't feel as inspired or effortless or life-and-death driven as that hannibal series did ... and i don't know how to get back to that place. i'd like to try my hand at some good omens fic, but i'm afraid. i'm afraid that it would fall flat, that it wouldn't be as good as what's already out there from others, that it wouldn't measure up to the fic i've written before. and oh i know it's just fanfic and it's supposed to be for fun and i shouldn't compare myself to other fic writers and so on. but i have such limited time for writing these days, and there's always a voice in the back of my head that says 'if you spend your free time writing anything it should be original work because you still haven't gotten that far with publishing' and i'm afraid that i'll just psych myself out of it if i try, like i nearly did with my ofmd fic attempts. it's stupid i know. i just wish i could feel that absolute unafraid compulsion to write something good again, like i did in 2016-2017, wandering the world with my laptop just writing, writing, writing. so much of that hannibal series was written on rooftops in florence and palermo within view of the piazza del duomo and the palazzo dei normanni, just total romance and a bleeding heart. i think i can be a good writer, but i'm so afraid of disappointing myself. and i have no agonies to drive me this time. life is good. content. i asked the love of my life to run away with me, and he did. we're happy, i'm happy. how do i draw on pain that's no longer there to write something new? i don't know, i don't know. i wish i knew. any advice from my fellow fic writers for getting over this hurdle?