#red works

*referring to screaming child* “I don’t know what that is, but I feel dread.”

“Hey I’m looking for [pair of socks]” “Have you made an offering to the sock Goblin?”

“Roll me up in one of those sleeping bags and roll me down the stairs like a burrito.” “You’d break something.” “I’m at peace with this.”

*muttering while picking out a pair of shoes* “Change your mind again, I’ll eat these goddamn shoes.*

“We’re having free hamburgers today!” “Even the word hamburger makes me physically nauseous.” “I think I’ll have three.”

*staring sadly into a sock drawer* “Same.”

“I’m so hungry... If I pass out just push me into backstock ok?”

“Anyway, I put zip-ties on the model tent so kids can’t crawl into it.” “Did you do that to protect the tent, or because you hate kids.” “A little of both.”

*Loud gasp as a dog walks into the store* “Who is that?”

“if [error code] pops up, just keep hitting retry until it works, or leave it alone and come back to it later!