#red thread fic

red thread was kind of a pain to write. the beginning and end were easy. they were the first things i wrote. the middle was a bitch. i’d write some of it, get stuck/lose motivation, work on MP1, then come back just to get stuck again. eventually i just started dumping all the blurbs and ideas i had in that doc into the fic doc and resigned myself to writing stuff in between so it would work better + shifting some things around later when i’d have more motivation

if i didn’t feel like fleshing out a scene entirely, i saved it for the editing process. for a while, i didn’t have any new ideas, but toward the end i had a bunch and the fic finally started making sense to me

it was also just a Lot of research

it all worked out though. if i’d finished it sooner, so many Meichae Moments wouldn’t have made it into the fic

megan reciprocates the feelings, but will never do anything meaningful about it :) she’s avoidant and emotionally unavailable, and there’s the girl group of it all. i don’t think she really cares about the last bit as much as she wants yoonchae to think she does

megan feels so unbelievably guilty. about wanting yoonchae in the first place. about pushing yoonchae away. about everything. it’s a constant cycle: megan and yoonchae get close->gay shit happens->megan feels guilty->megan gets distant->megan misses yoonchae->megan comes back around and it starts all over again

she gets distant after they have (off-screen) sex because megan feels like she was just waiting until yoonchae turned 18, and that makes her feel disgusting, even though it’s not true. also, she knew she was going to leave again (out of guilt) and preemptively felt guilty about that

i think the worst part is that megan’s really not that much older than yoonchae so all that guilt is entirely unnecessary and she should maybe get over herself. but i wrote her that way so. mea culpa

(irl there’s this Huge disconnect between how they see their ages. megan sees herself/wants to be seen as older than yoonchae but yoonchae treats her as a same-aged peer)

real megan probably wouldn’t confuse kochab and polaris, but i wanted her to in the fic, so she did. for fic megan, i think she probably realized by the time she started talking about the little dipper, but doubled down instead of admitting she’d made a mistake

megan doesn’t ask about yoonchae’s wish after the first time because she already knows the answer. i think she still wants to hear yoonchae say it, but it can’t be done directly. the “am i your favorite unnie / why don’t you call me unnie?” questions are her way of getting around that

meichae!!!!!!! shotgunning!!!!!!!!!!! can’t let meizini nation have all the fun

yoonchae’s really covering her bases on the soulmate researching front. she’s looking for anything that could possibly be applicable since she knows there is no red thread. she needs some sort of Big Undeniable Reason for megan to reciprocate her feelings how yoonchae needs her to because otherwise megan won’t

i’m pretending megan and lara still have the apartment even though they moved back home

megan and i have the compulsive need to be someone’s first(s) in common. if she isn’t, someone else will be, and we can’t have that, can we?

after i’d already written the last stargazing scene, i was doing some research and found out that a character in romance is a bonus book says, “the moon is beautiful,” as a confession. do with that what you will

the end is my favorite part. it’s the only bit that consistently makes me sad, no matter how many times i read it during the writing and editing processes