There are always mixed feelings percolating when faced with a little red slip. You've got something new waiting for you, welcoming like clean sheets, a new flat or fresh pants. However, you also have to confront the fact that you missed it and you've got to go out of your way to retrieve it, to make it yours again - the mock exam for the real anniversary amnesia.
At first you are conflicted, you're angry and you know that it would have fit through the letterbox. The bloody postie didn't even bother did he. He knocked and fucked off again. You push a DVD through the letterbox just to prove it and then you spend an evening planning ways to get back at the bloke. You kick his trolley when you see it in the neighbourhood. You research local gun dealerships and the minimum sentence for pre-meditated murder.
Shotguns from six yards aside, going up to the post office sounds a lot easier than it is. Half the time it is situated 5 miles away or even further still, in a neighbourhood that you've never even seen before. The train fare costs more than the DVD in the first place and the ticket inspector who has caught you with the wrong ticket looks a bit like the postman just fatter - you consider a conspiracy theory.Â
Why can't distribution offices stay open for more than fifteen minutes? There's a veritable scrum each time you visit, someone's ordered a bizarre assortment of polygons that you think might be a giant jigsaw. There's 34,000 people here in front of you and you don't understand what takes a man in red so long to look at a driving license and then turn a full and unimaginable 180 degrees to look at his sleigh-full of odds and ends. You hate queueing and question your britishness.
The clock hits the hour mark and suddenly the doors close and as you crawl underneath, grappling with the shutters, ripping and tearing at the queue in front of you, you realise that you're just another idiot in a post office, red slip in hand and identification safely tucked away nine hours walk from here in a wallet on a desk in a library.
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