#recoveryanswer

Hi there! Thanks for sending in an ask. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with your diagnosis. While, yes, it’s generally accepted that personality disorders are a lifelong attribute of one’s personality to one extent or another, I think it is also beneficial to remember that doesn’t mean that your disorder will never improve. Where you are today won’t be where you are forever. I’m glad to hear you’ve done some research into DBT and other types of therapy, as I truly believe that people with AvPD can see significant improvements in their behaviors and concept of self through these means.   

In some cases, recovery doesn’t mean you no longer have a certain disorder, it means that you’re able to actively challenge your disorder and achieve things that you never thought you could before. It’s a process of working towards a better you, no matter how large or how small your goals are. 

I’ve attached a few links below that focus on some of the main issues you mentioned in your ask as starting points, but let us know if you’d like any additional advice or assistance. I hope you feel better. 

• Choosing the right Service for you Work/Infosheet• Making Recovery Decisions Worksheet• Ask: What if some things are getting better, but other things aren’t? (+ worksheets on improving low self-esteem)• 12 Module Mastering Your Worries

Hi! Thank you for reaching out to us. I encourage you to check out some of the following asks we have listed in our answers directory, as I believe they may be helpful in addressing your concerns. 

How do I stop doubting my diagnosis?

My therapist doesn’t think I have AvPD, am I faking it?

If I’m getting better, does that mean I was faking before?

Hey there. 

Why aren’t concerts a thing you typically enjoy? Do you not enjoy live music? Is the environment of a concert overwhelming to your senses? Are there too many people? The reason for why you dislikes concerts is important to consider. If you know that you won’t enjoy it, it’s okay not to go.

It’s awesome that you want to push yourself to try and overcome your AvPD! But you are still allowed to have different hobbies and interests to others. If you don’t like concerts, you don’t have to go to one just for the sake of proving you can push yourself.

If you like the band, or think you will enjoy this concert, then it could be a good experience and you could enjoy going! But if you think that the crowds, noise, etc. will be overwhelming or unpleasant no matter what, it’s okay not to go. You can dislike things other people like. That’s okay, and doesn’t mean you’re not making an effort to recover.

I think an important part of recovery is knowing where your boundaries are and drawing a line there. If concerts aren’t for you, that’s okay! They aren’t everyone’s thing, and it’s okay to not enjoy them.

But you are the only one who can analyse your own reasoning and make that decision. I wish you luck!

In relation to my previous ask, what can I do to minimize my emotion misery when someone unfollows me. Part of me feels like dying because what if it was a mutual and now I’m being a complete fool who continues to follow them without even realizing they don’t even like me any more and I’m the only one who cares like that’s mortifying for me. Can I ask people who follow me to do a soft block when they want to unfollow me? I’m afraid of coming across as too demanding.

Hi there. That’s a tough problem to have.

To me, it seems like the problem you are having is that you are putting a lot of your sense of self-worth in how many people follow you on Tumblr, and seeking validation through attention on Tumblr. 

The thing is… Tumblr is not a particularly good medium for self-validation. There are any number of reasons that your follower count can fluctuate. There are spam blogs that get deleted, blogs that get deactivated, and yes, people that choose to unfollow you.

People can unfollow you for any number of reasons. Their interests and hobbies may change, they may be trying to curate specific content on their dash, or they may simply not enjoy the content you post. That, specifically, is why you cannot put your need for validation into a medium like Tumblr. 

It is hard to remember, but whether or not someone follows you is not a reflection on you. It’s a reflection on their own interests and on what they want to see on their dash. There is a separation between you as a person and your Tumblr.

Saying that, I know you’re not going to suddenly be able to stop seeing Tumblr as a source of validation. Changing your way of thinking will be an effort. If you can, I strongly recommend seeking out a therapist to help you work on becoming less reliant on outside influences for your sense of self worth.

Until you are able to see a therapist, I recommend using DBT techniques to work on moving your need for validation away from outside sources. Check out our self-help page for links here(x). 

It may also be good to take more breaks from Tumblr and engage in other hobbies, and to put more of your emotional energy into your enjoyment of these. This may help you break away from feeling dependant on Tumblr for validation.

I hope that is helpful for you, and I wish you the best in your recovery!

Hello.

Here are a few links to Asks in our Answers Directory(link) that should answer your question:

I’m afraid of bringing up AvPD, but I still want help? 

I’m so scared for my first appointment, what do I do?

How do I bring up a personality disorder with my psych? (2)

How do I stop doubting my diagnosis?

Am I invalid if I am self-diagnosed? 

Please read through our Answers Directory for more. 

We have also have some Self-Help resources for Therapy and Doctors on our Self-Help page(link) that may be useful to you. 

(2*) i also think i avoid recovery cos im so used to feeling the way i do & having my disorders that whenever i feel less anxious or depressed, i feel incredibly out of place & dont really know what to do with myself. its like something feels wrong. & whenever i see someone who’s worse than me mentally i get so jealous & even self-destructive and idk why. i feel bad bc maybe i just want pity & that makes me a bad person. i sort of feel like ‘no those bad feelings are mine and you cant have them’

(3*) i’m really sorry this is so long, it was sort of a vent but i also wanted to know if you think this is normal for people with avpd?… or if it’s normal for mentally ill people in general? because it makes me feel like such a bad person and such a fuck up because i feel like i just want to get worse and that’s bad… 

Hey. 

We have a couple of asks that have been previously answered and I think they’d really help you out:

How do I make myself want to get better? 

What if I don’t want to recover at all?

How do I get professional help when I’m afraid of it?

I’m afraid of bringing up AvPD, but I still want help?

What you describe is a really common experience for people with mental illness. There is familiarity and comfort, in a way, because you know what to expect. There’s fear in trying to recover because what if it doesn’t work? What if I put myself in a vunerable position and it backfires? 

But the results are worth far more than the risk. Imagine for a second that all of the things your mental illness holds you back from and are now no longer a problem. That you can do things without worrying, and you have healthy relationships, a reason to get out of bed etc. You’ll also do amazing things that you don’t even know you’re capable of yet. That risk, that tiny little risk, is nothing in comparison. One day you’ll be able to look back and be so proud that you took it. You’ll wonder why you ever worried about it at all. 

Hey. 

Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. I’ve been in that position and it’s not an easy place to be. Good for you for tackling your fears though, you should feel proud of yourself for the effort. This set back is not the end. Your effort was not in vain. 

Please don’t feel like ‘fake it till you make it’ is the only way to challenge your fears. There different approaches and not everything will work for you all the time. Maybe it’s just a matter of tweaking how you approach this. 

I think mindfulness might be a better fit for you. It’s about taking a step back and recognizing what you’re feeling, acknowledging that it’s okay to feel that way, and as a result, finding calm and letting go of negative emotions. 

On our Self-Help page, we have… one Mindfulness resource that may interest you (I thought we had more. Hmph. I’ll have to get onto that. In the meantime, Goolging Mindfulness worksheets is fine). We also suggest finding a mental health professional to guide you through the process. 

Hey.

I suggest you read through the following two asks:

How do I make myself want to get better? 

What if I don’t want to recover at all? 

If this doesn’t help. Please let us know.