#recalling

A chance (?!) led me onto a title for the book I’m wanting to work on. 

A friend invited me to take a chance at taking 10 black and white images as one of those ‘challenges’. I don’t really bother with any, but since I was quite inactive on some of my social media and since I usually take images on film taking it long to actually see them, I agreed to take part using my phone. 

The first image I created was of my hand holding onto a hand I have from an old mannequin. The picture above is not the first one I took, but it resonated with me the most. 

I just had an inspiration to see how the pictures would look like in a negative as this is something I like trying out when printing in my darkroom. I see a completely different world in the negatives. Often, the positive image wont’s spark any inspiration, but when I look at the negative, at the original, I see a whole new world.

So far I made 2 successful direct positive images on Harman Direct Positive paper in my darkroom. They are just delicious and so full of depth that they speak to me in many languages! :-) Clearly words can’t explain. 

But this image brought to my mind a word afterimage and it made the whole publishing so much more meaningful. After all, I wanted to create something, sort of - out of the past. To make a positive out of a perceived (by me) negative. 

I therefore decided that this would be the overarching theme for the project and the (working) title of the book. 

Also the image is very suggestive and meaningful as the most fresh memory from the past and a lot of the images that I’m using are from the period of my life from which I still get those after images. They are a collage of video stills and feelings that I experienced when certain things happened. 

Like that time when I was cycling with you after one of our first dates in the park and knowing we were come to a crossing that would part us we kept going slower and slower, almost stopping. We didn't want the moment to end. I loooooove these times! I think I’ll always remember that moment. Another one, and the one that really ties in with this book title and the picture itself, is when we were in mountains and it got dark. We held hands not to trip and fall, at least one of us could lift the other body up straight :-) I remember feeling at the top of the world then. Here I am, with the love of my life, somewhere in the wild, holding onto one another in support and love. I felt you cared for me and wanted to bring me to safety, I felt you wanted to show me you’re not afraid that you’re brave to shield both of us from any danger. I felt you so strong and I held your hand firmly, but lightly. I was not afraid in the slightest. I was so proud, so filled with joy, so happy to be by your side in that moment. A moment of true togetherness, of deep connection. 

But maybe that was only my perception. Maybe you didn’t feel that. Cos if you did, I still can’t grasp why would you decide that I’m not good to you, at all.