Reason #6 -- Clint Barton
Main Masterlist - Clint Barton Masterlist - Reasons To Love -- Clint Barton Masterlist
Reason #6 -- Defining Deafness. -- Clint overcoming the fear and insecurity of his deafness.Â
Word Count: 2285
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton (Winterhawk)
Warnings: little bit of angst, insecurities, minor panic attack, lots of fluff
A/n: I hope you all enjoy! If you do, leave a like and a reblog or comment! Iâd love to hear what you think and honestly I need the validation. (Mistakes are mine!)
Read on AO3!
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Clint hates these places. Hates them with more passion than he hates decaf coffee.Â
Itâs just pointless okay? Donât fight him on it.Â
He canât help his fidgeting as he waits, his hands pressing together rubbing and pressing, probably too hard, on pressure points to calm himself down. He can feel the odd stares of the others in the waiting room of the too sterile feeling Otolaryngologistâs office. Most of them older folk, not exactly incredibly common to see someone as young as him in this place. Beyond that, he assumes their stares arenât just limited to his youth, but the fact that he is with another well known Avenger.Â
And maybe because he is sitting with another well known Avenger, a terrifyingly bulky, metal armed hunk of pure beef. Yeah, thatâs probably a major contributor. Buckyâs flesh hand settled on his knee, the one thatâs been jumping relentlessly for almost twenty minutes now. Itâs a calming gesture, at least outwardly. But Clint canât help that nerves that are firing on all cylinders inside his mind.Â
Itâs when Buckyâs lips press softly against his head, just above his hairline that, inwardly, Clint minutely calmed down. He lets out a nervous laugh and a fond smile before kissing Buckyâs lips. Clint couldnât be more glad he had Bucky here with him, he almost decided to go this alone but at least had enough sense to know that if he had, he mightâve spontaneously combust, or at the very least give himself a heart attack.Â
He smiles when Bucky signs to him. âStop worrying. Itâll go great.â
Clint never saw himself getting to this point. He had spent so many years struggling in silence, unable to communicate with his friends and people he considered family. Heâd never imagined heâd find himself confident enough to break free of the cloud that followed him, to come here and face the fear that held him back in many ways.Â
Bucky had been pushing for this, for him to get hearing aids for some time, knowing that Clint struggled more than heâd ever let on with his deafness. He knew Clint felt inferior to the other avengers on days where that dark cloud followed him. He always said he was dehanced as the others had been enhanced. Bucky couldnât count the amount of days he spent questioning why he had a place on the team. But Bucky knew getting hearing aids was a big step that may lighten the load he carried on his shoulders.Â
It was a big relief for Clint to have had Tony as a main consultant on making these aids. Giving him different designs for different aspects of his life, like missions and everyday designs, even going as far to make them all fairly waterproof. Heâd still have a special pair for if he needed them and was swimming in water, but if he got them wet on a mission or forgot to take them out before getting into the shower, they could handle that. It pushed away some of Clintâs fear of going through the process.Â
It still felt weird to him, though. Heâd spent so many years, since he was a young kid still too afraid of his father to say anything , without the sounds of the world. It was silence for him. Well, he heard very muffled sounds, maybe less muffled when they were extremely loud. He was beside himself with what heâd do when he could hear people talking. Would this make team life easier? What did Buckyâs voice sound like? Was it deep and raspy, one that matched his appearance, or would it be gentle and soothing like it may have been before the war? He had no idea and was pretty sure that only sent him farther down the rabbit hole of anxiety.
Buckyâs fingers wove between Clintâs and gave a reassuring squeeze. Itâd be okay. And then he felt him squeeze again and it pulled Clintâs gaze upwards where a nurse was waiting to take them to the back room.Â
No turning back now, right?
Well, he presumed he could turn back now, break from Buckyâs grip and run until he found a high and hidden perch to wallow in his thoughts. But one, he knew he needed to do this, it was good for him, something he needed to lift a fraction of the weight he carried on his slumped shoulders. And for two, he was fast but he wasnât fast enough to out run Bucky, the man could beat a cheetah if he wanted to.Â
He was so in his thoughts, heâd spaced out for a while and walked like a twice dead zombie into the room. If it had not been for Bucky pulling him along, Clint is sure heâd have never moved from the waiting room. When he comes back from his spaced out thoughts, he is wrapped in Buckyâs arms, his hand running smooth and soothing lines up along Clintâs spine. He hums into Buckyâs shoulder, where his head is tucked and can feel the jump of Buckyâs body telling him he is chuckling.Â
He likes being here, in Buckyâs arms. Itâs warm and inviting. So inviting he never wants to leave. There have been many days where heâd done just that, the two of them in bed on a Saturday with nothing to do and so they spend it in each otherâs arms because with the lives they lead, they need days like that. Itâs always nice and Clint wishes in a distant part of his brain that they were doing that instead of this.Â
He spaced out again, staring at a piece of artwork hanging on the wall of the office. Itâs exactly what youâd think would be in the doctors wall, meant to calm you down and smooth you because, as Clint clearly exhibits, itâs more than just a bit nerve wracking to be here.
And then the door opens with a click and Buckyâs hand is squeezing his again letting him know to pay attention now and maybe answer questions. The doctor and Bucky have a conversation that Clint only catches a few words from, most of which are his name. But Bucky seems to be happy and smiling so it canât be bad right?
Clint grins to himself when he realizes that wonât be as hard as it used to be, he will be able to take part in more conversations because he wonât have to rely on lip reading which he knows from experience, even years of it, itâs so hard to follow a conversation with only speech reading. Everybody is different in how they form the words and the sounds and sometimes without the context of other words, they all become jumbled. He distinctly remember a time when Bucky had his hands unavailable and was trying to tell Clint he loved him, but with only speech reading, Clint thought heâd said âolive juiceâ instead of âI love you.âÂ
Bucky had been more than just a little confused when Clint came back from the grocery store with a can of olive juice.
What made it more embarrassing was that it was the first time either had said it to each other. Though, it had become a running joke between the two and sometimes when Clint needed to smile, Bucky would look to him and say olive juice. It would always send him into a fit of giggles and have him blushing harder than when you talked about anything sex related around cap.Â
Then the conversation in turns to him and he talks easily with the doctor. Mostly filler small talk until she can get everything pulled up on her computer and gets everything going. Clintâs surprised she does it so easily, signing to him and typing away at her computer. Itâs impressive.Â
And then, she reaches down and opens a drawer pulling out a small protective case with his name scrawled across the front. He feels his heart leap back into his throat, the doctor and Bucky must be able to see it pounding away and constricting his breathing. His hands are clammy too, and his face must have gone two shades whiter than it had been because Bucky is fretting over him like he does when Clint drops into a panic attack.Â
And he canât do this, he doesnât deserve these, he doesnât want these because... because why? He really isnât sure why he is so hesitant to put two little earpieces in, two earpieces that are barely noticeable, thanks to Stark, and that will give him nearly limitless possibilities. Itâs a positive thing and he canât figure out why his brain is making it out to be so terrible. It isnât painful, the hard part is done, and he may finally get to hear his boyfriends voice. He couldnât ask for much more.
With a surge of confidence, he wipes his hands down the legs of his pants, drying the sweat and reaches out for the box. His hands are still shaking, because he canât help that nagging voice of his anxiety in the back of his mind but he does try to turn the volume down a bit. Â
The doctor signs a bit, pointing out various switches, buttons and how best to work the aids and Clint nods along, hoping she will finished before that shot if confidence heâd given himself wears off. She finally finished talking and Clint skids the pieces into his ears, they fit like a glove and are decently comfortable all things considering. The doctor reaches over and with Clintâs permission turns the aids on and waits to see.Â
But Clint deflates.
Itâs still silent. He canât hear anything more than he could three seconds ago and all he wants to do is break down. Why couldnât something go right for him, heâd done so much to finally get himself pumped up enough to do this and for them to not work? Itâs crushing him under the weight and all he wants to do is break down. He wants to sit in Buckyâs protective embrace and just cry until his eyes run dry because this was the cherry on top. He had nothing left in him to want to be okay. Heâd spent so long without his hearing, what was a few more years without it.Â
He was about to turn them off, thrown them down and find that perch heâd thought about before coming in here. Being able to outrun Bucky be damned, he needed solitude away from the sterile reminder he was a dehanced agent who had no place sitting among the tech geniuses and living legends of his team. But itâs when his fingers reach the button that he hears it.Â
Hears it.Â
He hears something. And Clintâs head shoots up, his eyes wide and frantic and he tried to piece together where that was real or just a thought in his head to placate his pain. Whatever he heard, he thinks it was Bucky, it was deep, rumbling from the chest and he loved it. Then he hears it again, itâs his name. Itâs his name spoken aloud, something the hadnât heard since he was a young kid.Â
âHey, how do they sound?âÂ
He still canât wrap his thick head around hearing his boyfriends voice and he canât contain the grin any longer. He smiles wider than the universe and itâs perfect, better than perfect. Itâs everything.Â
And then it hits him harder than that one times he got hit by a literal truck. He hears, and he hears Buckyâs words to him and it becomes so overwhelming. He can feel it begin in his chest, a pressure he can no longer stop until tears are streaming down his face and he is ugly sobbing as he falls into Buckyâs body. His hand is fisted in Buckyâs shirt and his tears are soaking spots onto his shirt but neither care because this moment is one they will never forget.Â
âI can hear you. I can hear your voice.â
The volume is still a bit off, he is speaking a little too loud but nobody cares because that will come in time, as he gets used to his new hearing.Â
Bucky pulls back and laughs and Clint has never heard a sound more melodic and beautiful and he wants him to keep laughing.Â
âItâs fucking hot.â
And that sets the both of them off, and they even notice the doctor wiping away a few tears through her laughter. And Clint can hear that too and he just canât stop the flood, the tsunami of emotions that are washing over him and itâs just everything that he could want and more.Â
He makes Bucky talk to him the whole way home, keeps the radio playing in the background because he can hear it now. He drives with the widow open once they get into the busiest parts of the city, and listens to the sounds everyone is always complaining about. Maybe he will one day too, but for now? Those sounds are beyond magical.Â
The first thing he does once they are in the tower is talk to JARVIS. The second thing he does is wrap Tony in the biggest hug he could manage and smirks when he hears Tony yelp.Â
And then Tasha is hugging him so tight he is afraid she might break a few of ribs but he doesnât care. She kisses his cheek and says she loves him as a passing thought, almost as if sheâd forgotten that he could hear now. And he smirks before he can even say his smart ass remark.Â
âI heard that.â









