#realpersonal

I miss my grandparents, and they haven't even passed away...what makes it sad is they live next store to me....I only visit every so many weeks, and they never visit anyone anymore..They haven't left their home in over a year...I use to see them almost every day, bring them the paper, play cards with grandpa, paint nails with grandma..In the summer I would be outside swimming with grandpa ALL day, and then help grandma set up dinner..I miss it...I miss all of it..I miss those summer mornings where the first thing I would do after waking up super early is put on my bathingsuit and wait for grandpa to get up and open the gate to the pool...I miss the woods that covered our clear blue pool, and the music that filled the air around me..I miss the smell of grandmas dinner that filled up the house....I miss the sound of my name being called by my grandmother.....It's been over three years since i've heard my name come out of her mouth!!  It's been over a year since the last time I was able to carry on a conversation with her..My grandpa can't even walk from one side of his house to the other with out being bent over and out of breath, how would he even think about making it to the pool??   ...I have been in the best moods the past days, but it just hit me when I was driving home today..I don't know if it was the song that was playing, the way the wind was hitting my face, or the way my mind was traveling, but it hit me..And water filled my eyes...It was an uncontrollable cry..I was just so happy a second ago, driving with the windows down, not one bad thing happened all day..I for not even a second thought back to summer many years ago...and I couldn't stop the tears....I can ALWAYS stop the crying..I don't have feelings, I haven't cried over something other than stress in such a long time....((I even watched Life is Beautiful(an amazing foreign film, that I suggest everyone watches!!), and not a tear slipped out))...