#really alone

What fear looks like

imagine yourself in a fairly new relationship with someone of the same gender. you really enjoy each other’s company, but since it is very new that you are in a relationship with someone who you actually like for once, it is pretty scary to publicly display any affections towards him. so you don’t, not at the cafe. you would love to be able to do so, but you can’t. the boy is fine with that, he understands. so the hello between you two is a tad awkward, both wanting but a little bit too shy. but still, the boy has reserved a suite for you guys. he’s announced himself as your boyfriend to a danish lady, and that was pretty cool. scary, though. together, you enter the elevator, but the two of you haven’t really said your hello’s to each other. not like you would normally do, in the confines of your small bedroom. like you have been practicing over the last few days. you are still a bit nervous, but your boy has noticed it. he slowly touches you, gives you a small cheek kiss, gives you an enveloping hug that covers you with his smell entirely, this feels like something that could be home. so here the moment arrives; you’re saying hello like you want to. he allows you to take the moment. you’re the one who kisses him.for the first time that afternoon. a true hello. now you’re not the fellow students isak and even. no. now you’re the couple isak and even. you’re the boyfriends you want to be. what a small kiss with the person can do to you. you can be you. 

realizes that my having a support system is honestly the most fortunate thing, that even among the people I care about, I've ended up lucking out really hard