A really fun writing & media analysis exercise I like to do when I'm writing a fic with a twist on canon, is to take canon events and look at them cynically, or from another perspective.
I'm really enjoying doing this with my current AFTG fic, "Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby" (Break-up, Miscommunication, Whump)
In this fic, I'm making sure that the reader is colour blind as to which flags are green, and which are red.
To ground Andrew's perspective in this fic, I went back over canonical scenes, and flipped the perspective on them. How would they have appeared to Andrew? Surprisingly, this has made it very easy to cast Neil into a grey area, and allude to the question: did Neil abuse Andrew?
(Spoiler: I won't say either way. Read the fic. Make your own mind up.)
Here are some of the canon scenes I've taken, intentionally out of context, and... twisted, to see them through a different lens, in which Andrew's bias is tilted against Neil, rather than in his favour.
Pg 232- 235
"Oh, Neil. As unpredictable as he is unreal... The last time we spoke you were afraid Riko would notice you. Either you lied to me or you changed your mind. I do hope it's the latter, because I hate being lied to... You took a swing at Riko on live TV. He's not going to take that lying down... Money greases the wheels of this world easier than blood does, and Riko has access to both. He'll figure out a way to get back at you...They're free to make your life a living hell... but they can't sell you out yet.... For one year, I'll stand between you and the Moriyamas if you stand at Kevin's side. Next year your life is your problem again, understand?"
Pg 248-250:
"I don't understand suicide...I can't imagine actively trying to die."
"He wasn't," Andrew said, as if Neil was being stupid... "He wanted a way out for a little while, a few hours where he didn't have to think or feel. Problem is, he picked a way out that's easy to die on... Seth didn't kill himself. He couldn't have... My theory says Riko won this round."
Neil stared at him. "You don't really think Riko did this."
"... Riko broke Kevin's hand for being better. He crossed districts because Kevin picked up a racquet... what do you think he's willing to do to you for calling him useless on national TV?"
... "And you call me paranoid," Neil said quietly.
"They were supposed to stay on campus tonight," Andrew said. "Renee stopped by after you left and asked how soon we could expect Riko to respond. Kevin said we should hear back tonight." ... Neil remembered how relieved Matt looked to see him in the hallway. More than that, he remembered Nicky's incredulity that Allison and Seth were leaving...
"I don't believe you," Neil said.
"I can't prove it, but I know I'm right."
These can both be interpreted as Neil dismissing Andrew's opinion, and his perspective. Not only does Neil refuse to listen to Andrew's theory on Seth's murder, but he also seems to have not listened earlier, when Andrew warned him there would be a price to pay following Neil antagonising Riko on Kathy's show. Additionally, Neil chooses to imply Andrew is crazy or delusional, and to disregard the information he is being trusted with.
TRK
Pg 187-192:
"Nicky's mother called."
"Oops, time's up."
Neil put his arm out when Andrew stepped forward... the gesture was just a show. Andrew knew it, but he rocked to a stop anyway.
"She invited him home for Thanksgiving," Neil said.
"He said yes," Andrew said, not really a question. "Oh, Nicky, an optimist until the day he dies...Their love has a price tag he can't pay..."
"...They're bartering for you this time." ..."Problem solved... Denied. Maybe Abby will cook us a turkey instead."
... Neil refused to be distracted. "Why won't you go?"
"Why would I? ... This story is about Cass and Luther, isn't it? Luther said he would send me back to Cass. I gave him a secret to make sure he wouldn't... These secrets are not given out lightly... But Luther did not tell. He chose not to believe me at all. Which is a thousand times worse, you see."
..."Andrew," Neil started.
"No."
Andrew didn't raise his voice, but he didn't have to for Neil to hear the warning in it. If Neil pushed the matter any further in the wrong direction, Andrew would shut down and this conversation would be over for good..."Let's all go," Neil said. "Aaron will agree for Nicky's sake and Nicky can see if his parents have come around. There's no way you'll let Kevin that far out of your sights, so take him with you. I'll tag along so you can harass me instead of Luther. Imagine how uncomfortable Nicky's parents will be if they have to contend with the five of us."
"Or we could stay here."
"Not as interesting," Neil said.
"Appealing to my nonexistent attention span is a cheap trick," Andrew said.
"But is it effective?"
"You wish it was."
"Please?"
"I hate that word."
"Does your shrink know you have a grudge against half of the English language?" Neil asked, but Andrew only grinned. "I know you can't understand this because you've never had a real family, but Nicky has to give his parents another try. If you're lucky this dinner will be the breaking point"... Finally Andrew reached for him again. This time he hooked his fingers in Neil's shirt collar instead of going for his throat.
"One last chance," he said. "That's all I'm going to give Nicky... Okay?"
"Okay," Neil said.
"We're all going to regret this."
Pg 221 - 222
Neil heard sirens in the distance. Andrew picked up on it a second later and glanced over his shoulder. He thought for a moment, then gave an expansive shrug... peeled his armbands off one at a time and dropped them in Neil's lap.
He said something, but Neil didn't hear him. The pale shade of scarred skin was too familiar and too startling for him to not react. Neil grabbed hold of Andrew's wrist. He started to turn Andrew's arm over, sure he'd imagined things, but Andrew clamped his free hand down on Neil's forearm.
"Andrew," Neil started.
"Just so we're clear, I'll kill you."
... Andrew wasn't bluffing. If Neil didn't let go fast enough, Andrew would break his arm. Neil loosened his grip but spread his fingers as he did so. He felt the slight dip and bump of destroyed skin beneath his fingertips... Andrew wrenched Neil's hand off his arm, but he did it in a way that kept his bared forearm turned towards himself.... "Andrew," Neil said again.
"Do us a favour... let's no one talk for a while."
Pg 228-232
"You misunderstand... you helped create this mess. The least you could do is help clean it up. Where's your sense of responsibility?"
A knife wouldn't hurt this much. Andrew's words punched the breath put of Neil's lungs... He wanted to say this wasn't his fault, but they both knew it was... he'd said Luther betrayed his trust. Instead of listening to that, Neil sided with Nicky's hopeful grief. He hadn't invited Drake to South Carolina, but he'd delivered Andrew into his waiting arms.
..."Where's yours?"
Andrew tipped his head to the side, feigning confusion. Maybe it wasn't an act. Maybe he didn't understand.... "Why didn't you tell Higgins?"
"Wouldn't have worked... he and Drake were friends, you see... I knew he wouldn't believe me..."
"So you did nothing... you didn't lift a finger to protect Cass' other children. You knew what Drake would do to them, but you didn't protect them."
"There weren't supposed to be other children," Andrew said.
"But there were," Neil reminded him... Neil pitched his voice low enough to keep
Wymack and Betsy out of the conversation. "I hope she was worth it."
Andrew tilted forward and said, "Oh, Neil. You are far too heavy to tread ice this thin."
"Is this how you stayed quiet?" Neil reached up and took hold of Andrew's wrist... Andrew knew what he was talking about, judging by how still he went... "Drake deferred his enlistment... he even asked Cass if we could invite Aaron up for a couple weeks... He could.imagine what we'd both look like in bed, he said. It'd be picture perfect."
Neil flinched. He'd pushed because he needed to see that horrible smile crack. He needed to know if Andrew was screaming behind the euphoria...but Andrew wasn't, and Neil couldn't live with that. Andrew's medicine was too strong, or his psychosis too twisted... Andrew tried again to get his hand free. Neil held fast... "Better luck next time, Neil," he said. "I warned you once before, didn't I? I don't feel anything."
"Anymore," Neil said, barely a whisper.
The old scars up and down Andrew's wrists were evidence of how far Andrew had to fall to hit this point.
Pg 239
"It would be natural and completely understandable if you felt some sort of shock or grief."
... "I don't... And you know what? Neither does Andrew."
...The inly reaponse he got though, was a calm, "Did you ask him?"
"Did I ask him?" Neil repeated, disbelieving.
Pg 251-253
"... who will take care of Kevin?" ...
"I'll watch him," Neil said... Neil had startled the smile off of Andrew’s face....
... "You?" Andrew asked. That was all he said, but that one word said enough... When Andrew pushed Neil again, Neil caught hold of his arms and pulled Andrew with him.
"Oh, Neil," Andrew said... "What are you trying to do?"
"Take responsibility," Neil said.
"Usually such a good liar... but this time you aren't fooling anyone. Am I to believe you'll hold your ground if Riko comes at you? Maybe I'll come back and you won't be here anymore."
"If I was going to leave, I would have done so at the banquet when Riko knew my name... So trust me now if you can. I'm not going anywhere. I'll take care of Kevin until you return."
"Trust you... you lie and lie and lie, and you think I'll trust you with his life?"
... "Do you understand?" Neil asked. "Nothing Riko can do will make me leave him. We will both be here when you get back."... Andrew pulled free and folded his arms over his chest.
First, Andrew blatantly tells Neil no. He intentionally evades a topic he is clearly uncomfortable with, and Neil refuses to drop it, and refuses to let Andrew change it, while also blocking Andrew's exit. Neil gets told the truth, but decides he doesn't like it because it is inconvenient, so dismisses it. He is fully aware of when Andrew has reached his limit, and bluntly tells Neil 'No', but Neil ignores this and intentionally continues pushing Andrew's buttons to get the answer he wants.
Second, in the minutes after witnessing Andrew getting raped, Neil takes hold of Andrew's body without permission or warning, and tries to see Andrew's scars by physically twisting his arm as soon as Andrew removes his armbands for the first time. He isn't listening when Andrew speaks. He doesn't listen until Andrew threatens his life. Even then, Neil crosses another boundary by intentionally feeling Andrew's scars as he slowly let's go of Andrew - to the point when Andrew has to physically remove Neil's hands from his arm.
Then, only hours later, when Neil is unwilling to take accountability for his role in Andrew's rape, Neil blames Andrew for it by inferring that Andrew could have prevented this if he had told somebody about it. Even when Andrew points out that Higgins was friends with Drake and would not have believed Andrew (which he has previously stated is worse than having a secret betrayed), Neil continues to push. He intentionally tries to trigger Andrew for his own satisfaction, and acts like he is the victim when Andrew does not react the way he wants him to.
When Neil volunteers to look over Kevin in Andrew's absence, he promises that he will stay by Kevin's side, and will not run.
... Andrew's expression was blank and his stare empty enough to put a knot in Neil's gut...Andrew turned to face him. "I'll take an explanation now."
"You couldn't ask for answers inside where it's warm?" Neil asked... Andrew raised a hand to Neil's face but stopped with his fingers just a breath from Neil's skin. Andrew wasn't looking at his injuries; he was staring at Neil's unguarded eyes. "Did I break my promise or were you keeping yours?... I know you have had ample time to come up with your precious lies, but I gave you a truth on credit in November. It is your turn in our game, and you will not lie to me."
"Neither... I spent Christmas in Evermore."
..."You weren't supposed to leave Kevin's side. Did you forget?"
"I promised to keep him safe... I didn't say I'd hound him every step of the way like you do. I kept my end pf the deal."
"But not like this... why did you go?"
Neil didn't know if he could say it... "Riko said if I didn't, Dr Proust would-"
Andrew clapped a hand over his mouth, and Neil knew he'd failed.
... "Do not make the mistake of thinking I need your protection."
"I had to try. If I had the chance to stop it but did nothing, how could I face you again? How could I live with myself?"
"Your crumbling psyche is your problem, not mine," Andrew said.
Pg 107
"You just had to open your mouth, didn't you?"
"I'm sorry," Neil said. "I thought he'd come at me. I didn't think you'd get caught up in it."
"Right," Aaron said snidely. "Seth was a one-off, then?"
Neil flinched so hard he took a step back. He opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn't defend himself against an accusation like that.
...Neil glanced at her. "He asked you to protect them?"
Renee nodded. "Kevin told Andrew the truth about the Moriyamas
first. Andrew knew letting Kevin stay could mean serious consequences for the rest of us. He was willing to protect his own against the backlash, but he didn't care enough to fight for the rest of us. He gave them to me instead... One of the first things I asked him last June was who was keeping you. He said he'd know after a night out in Columbia."
Neil took the cup back and gave it a second scrub. "He regrets keeping me now, I'm sure."
"Andrew doesn't believe in regret; he says regret is grounded in shame and guilt, neither of which serves any real purpose."
..."No one asked you." With that, Andrew caught Neil's face in his
hands and leaned in... Andrew kissed him like this was a fight with their lives on the line, like his world stopped and started with Neil's mouth... he reached up without thinking. His hand made it as far as Andrew's jaw before he remembered Andrew didn't like to be touched. Neil caught hold of Andrew's coat sleeve instead and knotted his fingers in the heavy wool. The touch was a trigger. Andrew leaned back just enough to say,
"Tell me no."
Neil's lips were sore; his skin was buzzing... Common sense said
to refuse this and retreat before they both did something they'd regret. But Renee said Andrew regretted nothing, and Neil wouldn't live long enough for it to matter. He hadn't figured out which way to lean before Andrew pried Neil's hand off his coat.
"Let go," Andrew said. "I am not doing this with you right now."
He practically shoved Neil's arm away from him and leaned back out of Neil's space... Neil watched him until ot was lit, tracking the new tension in Andrew's shoulders and the violence in his short.lovements... Andrew's kiss and abrupt retreat were equally bewildering.
Pg 186-187
"Everything about you is a bad idea," Andrew said, as if Neil didn't already know that... Neil took the pint from Andrew's unresisting fingers, stacked it on top of his, and leaned in. He stopped shy of actually kissing Andrew, not daring to touch him until Andrew gave him a green light. Andrew's expression didn't change but there was a subtle shift in his body's tension that told Neil he'd gotten Andrew's attention. Neil lifted a hand but stopped it a safe difference from Andrew's face. Andrew caught hold of his wrist and squeezed in warning.
"It's fine if you hate me," Neil said.
..."Good," Andrew said. "Because I do."... This was distraction and indiscretion, avoidance and denial... and taking comfort in something he shouldn't have and couldn't keep. Right now, Neil needed it too much to care.
Pg 204-206
Neil kissed his neck, hoping to distract him, andvwas rewarded with a startled jolt. That was enough reason to do it again. Andrew pushed his face away, but they were standing too close together for Neil to miss the way he shivered. Andrew kissed him before Neil could say anything about it... Neil couldn't remember the last time he'd put hands on someone... for the first time he considered touching Andrew like that and learning Andrew's body the way Andrew was memorising his. He wanted to find the places that made Andrew give ground... as if on cue, Andrew followed Neil's arms down to hos wrists and poked hos fingers into Neil's pockets. He was making sure Neil's hands were still there...After a moments consideration, he pulled Neil's Neil's hands free and held them up by his head.
He kissed Neil like he wanted to bruise his lips and leaned back to fix Neil with an intense stare. "Just here."
"Okay," Neil said, and dug his fingers into Andrew's hair as soon as Andrew's grip went slack. It wasnt much but it was a desperate relief having something to hold onto... All that mattered now was how easy it was to pull Andrew in for another kiss. Andrew slowly let go of Neil's wrisys and placed a hand flat on neils chest. They stood like that for an age, Andrew testing Neil's control... Neil didn't realize how tight he twisted his fingers in Andrew's hair until Andrew bit his lower lip in warning. Neil grumbled something incoherent and forcibly loosened his death grip... Neither of them had the constitution for tenderness...
Neil tried pulling Andrew closer, but Andrew kept a hand flat on Neil's chest to
keep space between their bodies... Andrew smothered his frantic gasp with a last hard kiss and finally let go of him.
They stood cheek-to-cheek a minute, an hour, a day, Neil's heart pounding in his temples and overloaded nerves shuddering. Coherent thought came back in lazy, fractured pieces and the first thing Neil was really aware of was how tight Andrew's fingers were digging into his
chest. Neil tried to look down, but Andrew gave him a short shove in response.
"What about—" Neil started.
Andrew cut him off with a low, "Don't."
"You can't go back to Kevin and Nicky like that."
"I said be quiet."
"You said 'don't'," Neil said... Neil flexed his fingers in Andrew's hair, fixing his grip so he could tug Andrew into a short kiss. Andrew tolerated it for only a moment before leaning back. He wiped his hand on Neil's shirt before tugging at
Neil's wrists. Neil obediently let go of him and didn't miss the way Andrew watched him lower his hands... Andrew eased back out of Neil's space and dropped his hands.
"Go," Andrew said.
"Where?" Neil asked.
"Anywhere I can't see you," Andrew said.
Neil wouldn't live long enough to understand all the broken layers of Andrew's sexuality, but he at least knew better than to be offended by that dismissal... Neil went to the bedroom instead...and leaned against his bed to wait. Before long, he heard the sink cut on. Neil waited until it stopped, then went in search of Andrew. Andrew had his back propped against the fridge... if he noticed the once-over Neil gave him, he didn't acknowledge it... he looked calm and clean like nothing had happened
After being released from rehab, where he was raped by a doctor, Andrew asks Neil for an explanation - to which Neil says he went to Evermore, and left Kevin alone after promising Andrew he would not do that. When Andrew pushes him, Neil deflects, and tries to say that he didn't promise to stay glued to Kevin's side, but only promised to keep him safe. This is not what he promised in TRK, and it is not the original promise in TFC. Neil is trying to escape blame. He does this again when he tries to place the blame for his own actions and decisions on Andrew. He also makes references to the exchange in the hours after Drake, and implies his morals are better than Andrew's, and his tone implies that he expects Andrew to be grateful to him for martyring himself, even though it was for nothing.
Renee says that Andrew doesn't believe in regret; Andrew said they would all regret visiting Luther & Maria's. Including himself
The first time Andrew kisses him, Neil tries to touch Andrew without permission, and settles for touching his clothes. This is still too much contact for Andrew. He tells Neil to let go, but Neil doesn't; Andrew has to pry Neil's fingers off of himself - not for the first time.
The first time Andrew gets him off, Neil wants to find the places that made Andrew give ground. He wanted to be the exception to Andrew’s rules. He wanted to be the one to break Andrew walls down. Andrew told him where he was allowed to touch, and Neil instantly gripped it incredibly tightly, to the point Andrew had to bite him to get him to relax his grip (how many people do you think Andrew has bitten to make them stop?) & Neil grumbles but obeys. Andrew makes a point of keeping distance between them, which Neil tries to close. When Andrew implies he doesn't want Neil's help getting off, Neil tries to make him change his mind before getting dismissed. He thinks Andrew's sexuality is broken, due to his rape trauma.
This type of media analysis / character read probably has a specific name, but I like calling it Bias Flip; you take one established canon "fact" (this one being that Andrew's bias is tilted in Neil's favour, because Neil treats him like a person rather than a monster) and flip it (ie: Andrew's bias is tilted against Neil, because Neil manipulates Andrew's attraction to him to get his own way). Then you read canon through this new lens, to see how or if the story and characters change.
It's a really fun exercise to do when you're trying to write a fic deeply rooted in canon, but with a canon-divergent twist.
It does not change canon. It does not change the bias the author intended you to form while reading the book. But it is pretty fun.
Read 'Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby' & let me know what you think (registered Ao3 users only)
