Wildwood Prequel: Tempted
Summary: It's been years since Jensen has visited you in your tiny hometown and you wanted it to be a special visit. However, your boyfriend didn't make it feel very special.
Pairing: female reader x Jensen Ackles
Word count: 15k
Warnings: language and a cussy nickname, fighting, talk of shady dealings, mentions of past abuse
a/n: please remember, this is fiction and not intended to be disrespectful to any real-life people
It had been quite a while since Jensen had visited your tiny town and you wanted to make sure everything was perfect in your apartment before he arrived. He was getting to be a big-shot, in your eyes, and you wanted things to look nice for him, like you assumed he was accustomed.
“Who are you trying to impress? I thought this guy is just a friend?” your boyfriend of several years asked.
“He doesn’t come here very often. I want to give him a nice welcome.”
“Or you could just keep it nice like this all of the time.”
“Or you could not trash my place every time you come over. You know, clean up after yourself, like adults do,” you frisbee threw a game case of his at him.
“Doesn’t your ‘boyfriend’ play video games?” he almost sneered.
“That has nothing to do with anything, Grant. I don’t mind your playing video games. I mind that when you’re here that’s all you do,” you countered.
Grant went to where you kept his games in the tv stand and pulled out a few more, then went back to the door to put on his shoes, saying nothing the whole time.
“What are you doing?” you asked.
“I am going to play my video games somewhere else.”
“You’re not going to stay to meet Jay?”
“Nah, I’d just mess it up, right?”
Grant reached for the door but it was already opening. Jensen stood on the other side, looking his typical handsome self so effortlessly. Gray shorts, black band t-shirt, backwards hat, tennis shoes and a ridiculously small suitcase.
“Hey, how ya doin’?” he stuck out his hand, “Jay.”
Grant just looked him up and down before walking away without another word.
“Charming,” he said to you. “Who was that guy?”
“My boyfriend,” you moved so he could step inside. He smelled of your favorite cologne of his.
“Seems like a real winner,” he closed the door.
“Don’t start,” you warned.
“Y|N, I’m not even here 5 minutes and I already don’t like the guy. Why was he talking to you like that?”
“Eavesdropping, really?”
“When I hear a shitty tone…”
You sighed heavily. “I guess he didn’t like me calling him out on how he’s messy when he’s here.”
“So he takes advantage of you?”
“Can we not talk about Grant, please?”
He patted his chest, “C’mere. I haven’t gotten my hug yet.”
You gladly took the hug from Jensen. He wrapped you in a cocoon of his affection and melted away your stress. As always, it had been too long since you’d seen him last and you felt like you had a lot of catching up to do, though you often wrote to one another.
He released you from his bone-crushing embrace and you felt a lot better.
“How was your trip? Did everything go okay? Did you drive from the airport?”
“It’s hard as hell to get here,” he said.
“It’s not a cakewalk to see you either,” you smiled.
“No shit. I’m still surprised you come to so many conventions. I need to come here more. The trip was like all the rest. And yeah, I drove here from the airport. Wait til you see the car.”
“Ooo! What’d you get?”
“I said, ‘wait.’ You need to show me around again. You’ve changed things since I was here last,” he said.
He only knew the obvious, but you were holding onto a secret to surprise him. You did the basic tour of the living, dining and kitchen since they were all one room. New windows and planter boxes with fake plants, because you have a brown thumb. Refinished wood floors throughout. Down the hall to the guest bath which had new fixtures and tile.
You opened the guest room door, “Your room sir.” You stepped into the room and bowed with a flourish.
You waited and watched as he tried to figure out why it was so bright in the room. He scanned the corners before finally looking up.
“Whoa, that’s cool. I’m surprised the landlord let you do that,” he said.
“Well, kinda been keeping a secret from you,” you showed him to your room where he could see two more skylights, “I own the building.”
He looked very confused. “And? What else? How did you save that much money? I know you negotiate the shit out of everything and even if you cut a smokin’ deal on this building…”
“Which I did.”
“...Buildings like this don’t go for under a hundred fifty grand,” he paused, waiting for your response. “Spillit, what’d you do?”
“I wrote a book and sent it to a bunch of publishers hoping someone would publish it and make some money and one publisher did and not only did people buy it, a whole shitload of people bout it and now I’m kinda well off but not filthy rich yet,” you gasped after saying all of that in one breath. “Oh my god, it feels so good to finally tell you that. I’ve been holding onto that since the last time I saw you, but I didn’t want to say anything unless it fell through or the book was a flop, but it wasn’t.”
The gears in Jensen’s head were spinning at max RPM.
“What book?” You took his arm and pulled him around the corner inside your bedroom to where you had your desk set up…and a big goddamned poster hung on the wall.
“That’s my first ever cover art. It hung outside a Barnes & Noble in New York City for two months.”
Jensen studied the enormous poster, “You’ve gotta be shitting me. I’ll be damned.”
“What? Why?!”
“Don’t panic. No shame in the game sweetheart,” he said.
“You sounded like Dean just then.”
“Funny you should say that,” he turned to face you and pointed sideways at the poster. “There were people, that means guys too, who were reading that book on set for a couple months, at least. If I had known it was you, I would have read it, too. Not to mention, I would have had serious cool points.”
“No. God. I’m glad you didn’t read it.”
“Why?”
“It’s basically FULL smut and I would never be able to look anyone in the eye again if I knew they read it,” you felt very hot all of a sudden.
“Oh, you dirty, dirty girl,” he crooned. “Now I really want to know all the shameful things you wrote about.” He spotted a copy on the shelf and reached for it.
“Don’t you dare! I will die right here and you’ll have to resuscitate me.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he teased.
“I had onions with lunch.”
“Sinner.”
“Promise me you will never read anything I write with a romance cover.” He just looked at you. “I mean it, promise me,” you poked his chest.
“Ow! Meanie,” he rubbed his chest.
“I need you to say the words, Jay.”
“I promise,” he said.
You poked his chest again.
“Ah-ha-howww! Okay, bony fingers,” he took a step back, “I promise I won’t read any of your filthy smut, money-making books.”
“Thank you,” you said.
“I’ll just buy the audio book,” he teased, narrowly dodging another bony-finger jab. “Who was your inspiration? Anyone I know?”
“I can’t with you. I’ll be in the living room when you get control of yourself,” you said.
“Sounds like something dom would say.”
“What?”
“What?” Y|N turned back around to walk out and he snickered. “Seriously though, is that supposed to be me?”
“Gerard Butler!” she said and flipped him off.
“Ach, a fine Scottish lad,” he said to himself as he looked around her desk and room. A stack of notebooks. Cup full of pens. Pictures of random things pinned to a cork board. On another wall she had her ridiculous number of convention photos with him and his friends. She had him do funny stuff, but Jared…he might have to have a talk with him.
The picture that really made him sit down and take notice was the one she had on her bedside table. It was a picture of the two of them when they were kids. He’d come up with his family to visit and they’d gone to a little resort town not far from where Y|N lived and rented a cabin for a week. He’d had the best time. They went out in the lake a lot, either swimming or on jet skis. They rode on a paddle boat, went to a little amusement park, rode bikes all over. Mackenzie and Josh were old enough to not need him or Y|N to look after them and Y|N’s brother was older than both of them, so they could do almost anything they wanted.
The picture was of them on the deck that overlooked the lake, sitting on the deck swing together. By the look of the picture, it was nighttime and Y|N was leaning on him to get in close for the picture. They both looked a little sunburnt and a lot happy.
“I always loved that picture. Great summer vacation,” she said from a few steps inside the doorway.
“Yeah, it was,” he agreed. “And you keep it next to the bed where your boyfriend can see it?” She nodded with a shrug. “You savage.”
“I barely know him in comparison to you,” she said, flopping down on the bed, staring up through the skylight.
Jensen laid down, too, so he could look, with her.
“Fuckface doesn’t know about the book and your money, right?” he asked.
She snorted, “No. I told him I really liked it and bought the poster. Told him the books were an oops. He doesn’t even know I own this building. He just knows I can afford things, so he doesn’t ask questions.”
You both laid there for a minute, watching the clouds float by.
“I bet it looks cool at night,” he said.
“You’ll get to see it from your room just fine,” you didn’t move.
“Don’t marry that guy, Nova,” he said softly.
“Hadn’t planned on it,” you realized.
“He’s not mister right.”
“He’s Mr. Right Now.”
He twisted his head and neck to meet your gaze. “Someday, I’ll settle down with someone, but not him. He has weird feet,” you said. “I don’t want any potential children to get his weird feet.”
He laughed, “I’m glad you have standards.”
“How’s Dee?” you didn’t want to ask.
“Hmm,” he should have seen that coming, “She’s good.”
Please don’t fall for her and marry her, you thought.
“Are you guys getting serious?” you asked.
He thought for a moment, unsure of what to tell Y|N.
“Yeah, it kind of is… it is. We worked on a movie… I got to know her really well. I really like her, Nova, can you just try to like her, too?”
“For you, I will try.”
After bullshitting and catching up, you were getting hungry and went into the kitchen to get dinner going. The last time you got groceries, there was only one thing you specifically wanted to make for Jensen and had bought the needed ingredients. You pulled out a bowl, cutting board, colander, pot and two knives. Jensen came out of the bathroom and found you making all of the noise in the kitchen.
“Ey, what’re we doin’?” he asked, coming around the corner.
“Making you a home-cooked meal,” you said. Jensen went to one of the stools at the island. “Don’t sit there, you’re helping.”
“Just checking the stability of the stool,” he wiggled it a little. “You should fix that. What do you need me to do?”
“Anyone ever buy your bullshit?”
“All the time.”
“I bet,” you rolled your eyes.
“The trick is, you gotta believe your own bullshit. Really sell it,” he made a fist and slowly pumped it.
“Get out the tomatoes, green onions and garlic,” you told him, shaking your head.
He did as he was told and laid them out on the island.
“Grab the salt, pepper, olive oil, balsamic vinegar and parsley.
You were rinsing off the onions one by one because they always had a little dirt still on them and you were pulling off any wilted pieces. You had the whole process down to a science but you absolutely hated cutting the tomatoes. “You start cleaning the tomatoes.” You put the pot on the stove and used the pot filler to get it to the level you needed and threw some salt in the water. Once the water was heating, you went back to Jensen and the vegetables.
“Start seeding and dicing the tomatoes,” you said.
Jensen just looked at you.
“Seriously? How did Donna let you get away with not helping in the kitchen?” you wanted to know.
“I’m a guest!”
“Guests don’t have a key to my apartment, Jay. If you don’t help, I’m not making this for you again.”
“Pretty confident,” he picked up a knife and tomato.
“Damn right. I guarantee you’ll want me to make this again.”
He shook his head. “Whatever. Do you have any meat to go with this?”
“I don’t eat red meat,” you said.
“You eat hamburgers and meat sauce…”
“Yes, and that is browned. I can’t do it if it’s pink or red.”
It was his turn to look at you in shock. “All the times we’ve eaten together… I never noticed. I don’t know what to think about this.”
“You act like I’m a criminal,” you chopped the onions.
“I’m not sure I even know you.”
“Oh shut up, get on those tomatoes,” you laughed. “I figured we could go to the butcher tomorrow. George doesn’t work in the afternoons.”
“Gotta love small towns,” he was making quick work of the tomatoes. “How do you know the butcher by name if you don’t eat red meat?”
You grinned, “It’s a small town and I’ve lived here all my life. And George is a butcher, that means all meat. Besides, I gotta get my ground beef somewhere.”
For a few moments, you were both quiet while you made dinner. Finally the water came to a boil and you could add the noodles. While you combined the ingredients into a separate bowl, you told Jensen to go to your stereo and put on some music. He chose one of your vinyl albums. The speakers hissed and crackled a moment before it went quiet, then the music began… with a familiar heartbeat. Huey Lewis & the News started with The Heart of Rock & Roll.
Jensen turned to face you, tapping his hand on his chest along with the heartbeat in the song. Ever the showman, Jensen was about to perform for you while you stirred the noodles. He danced around your apartment, singing along the whole time. He flopped down on your couch just as the song ended, only slightly winded.
Finally finished, you drained and cooled the noodles, then put them in the fridge to cool longer. Heart and Soul was already playing.
“Still not ready?” he asked.
“Good lord… are you going to waste away waiting ten minutes longer?”
“I’m hungry.”
“Tough shit, whiner.” You started dancing to show how much you did not give a fuck. You waved your hands for him to get up and dance with you. One thing about being with Jensen was that neither of you ever got embarrassed around the other and you both could be as dorky as you wanted.
Bad is Bad began and the whole vibe changed. He took your hands and did slower movements with you to match the song tempo and danced in an early 60s dance style. You didn’t remember the song having such a sultry feel to it, but dancing with Jensen, and to that song, had you feeling a certain kind of way.
The song wound down and he pulled you close. Your heart was racing and you thought he might kiss you.
“Well! Looks like I got home in time for dinner and a show!” Grant said from the door. “What in the hell is going on here?”
Jensen let go of you and put himself between you and Grant.
“Nothing, man. Just dancing with my friend,” Jensen explained.
“Is that what it was? Because it looked like a scene from Dirty Dancing in here,” Grant’s voice was filled with accusation.
“Have you ever danced with her?” Jensen briefly waited, already knowing the answer. “You should, she’s got good moves.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Grant shoved the taller Jensen.
“She’s a good dancer. I don’t want to have to put you down, pal,” Jensen raised his hands, showing he didn’t want to fight.
“Damnit, Grant, back off!” you told him. “You’re making something out of nothing.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I am,” Grant said, voice dripping with poison. “And to think I was going to apologize for before. How long have you been after Y|N? Have you been fucking her on all of her ‘business trips’? Is that what you did while I was gone today?”
“Grant!”
“You got a lot of nerve, pal,” Jensen tried to keep calm.
“Yeah. I walk into my own apartment and see some guy putting the moves on my girlfriend, but I’ve got a lot of nerve?”
“Dude, she’s not your girlfriend. She’s more like your mom cleaning up after you and allowing you to be in her presence. How much have you mooched off of her? Do you contribute anything to the relationship? You worthless piece of shit.” Jensen was ready.
You moved to the other side of the island as Jensen got the response he was hoping for when Grant threw the first punch. Jensen easily dodged the attempted blow and deflected Grant’s momentum. What Jensen hadn’t anticipated was how scrappy Grant was and he came back at Jensen full force with a tackle, tumbling them both to the floor with a loud thud.
The sounds of fists meeting flesh reached your ears from your side of the island and two of the bar stools toppled in the fray. You turned on the water to cold and aimed the sink sprayer at the floor and opened fire, dousing them both with the icy water.
“That’s enough!” you shouted, banging on the empty pot with your plastic Pampered Chef spoon. Jensen hopped up quickly but Grant couldn’t help getting in one more cheap shot and sucker punched him in the gut.
“I should press charges!” Grant shouted.
“No you fucking won’t,” you snarled. “Give me your key.”
“What? Why?” Grant was utterly clueless.
“You are no longer welcome in my house.” you said as calmly as you could muster.
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“Give her the key, fuckface,” Jensen said in a tone that warned not to make him ask again.
“Hand it over, or I can have the cops take it from you,” you said.
“We’re done,” Grant said and put the key on the island.
You rolled your eyes. “I thought I already made that clear. Your face had better not darken my doorway again. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t look in my general direction. You’re dead to me as soon as you walk out the door.”
“Yeah, okay, you talk a big game. You fuck with me, I’ll fuck with you back,” Grant threatened and wiped at the blood on his face.
“Maybe I do talk a big game, but… am I? You have no idea if the rumors about my family are true, do you?” you asked. Seeing the appropriate reaction on his face, you opened the door. “Don’t threaten me. Just get the fuck out.”
Behind you, you could feel Jensen wound tight as a spring waiting for Grant to try something else. You stood out on the landing watching to make sure Grant left the building. When you heard the door latch click into place, you went back inside your apartment.
Jensen had set both of the stools back on their feet and was at the record player when you went back inside. You were just in time to see him flip the vinyl in his hands and carefully place the needle. He surprised you with his choice since it wasn’t the flipside of Huey Lewis.
“Bob Seger, nice choice,” you said, flipping the deadbolt and security latch on the door.
“Let me look at you,” you said, noticing Grant might have landed a blow after all.
You had him sit on one of the barstools where you proceeded to manhandle his face under the pendant light at the island.
“Is it bad?” he asked, hissing when you hit a tender spot.
“No, not really. Looks like a scuff, but we should clean it up so you don’t get cooties from him,” you said.
“Are you going to come at me with a wire brush, or will you be gentle?” he asked.
“Whichever one you want me to do, …opposite.”
He sighed loudly, “Bring the pain, I guess.”
“My brave boy,” you patted his shoulder. “C’mon, I don’t want to haul out the first aid kit out here. And don’t you dare try to make a break for it.”
He followed you to the bathroom and sat on the closed toilet lid. You pulled out the kit from the medicine cabinet and set it on the small counter next to the sink. You pulled out the items you needed and got out a washcloth. Once it was wet you put a lot of liquid soap on the washcloth and held it to Jensen’s cheek.
“What rumors?” he asked.
It took a moment to remember what you’d said earlier to Grant. “Oh, well, my grandpa had a large family and ran a construction business with some of my uncles. So heavy equipment for grading, welding and cutting torches, et cetera. Some not nice guys got into a bad situation and, allegedly, my uncles made the situation go away.”
Jensen looked up at you with eyes wide, “Allegedly?”
“Nothing was proven. Not even enough to arrest anyone.”
His eyes darted around the small room, processing. “Was Sir part of it?”
You snort laughed, “Jensen, you can stop calling my dad ‘Sir’ I think you’ve gotten past that part.”
You took the washcloth from him and rinsed the wound, gently wiping away Grant cooties.
“Answer the question.”
Trying not to actually laugh in his face, you answered, “No, my dad was not part of it. In his family, he’s one of the 3 youngest kids and was about 12 when that ‘situation’ happened. It was an allegation directed at my older uncles.”
“Sure am finding out a lot about you tonight,” he mused. “How come you never told me this before?”
“It’s not something one really goes around talking about, ya know? Sometimes secrets need to stay secrets. And it’s not about me, it’s about my uncles. It’s handy to have that particular card in your back pocket in case an asshole starts throwing punches at my friends.”
He seemed to accept this answer.
“Do you tell your friends about me?” you asked him.
He shook his head slightly, “No, not really. They know about you. They know I’m here visiting you and know you’re important to me, but that’s about it. I only ever tell them about ‘Nova’. They didn’t even put it together about your book. Hell, I didn’t even connect it.” He thought a moment, “I kind of want to keep you protected. Do you tell your friends about me?”
“I’d like to, but… I don’t know… I kinda like to keep you to myself. You’re like the ultimate hidden gem. Even if I did, they wouldn’t believe me. I’ve gone to three conventions now and they just think I’m obsessed with the show. Told ‘em I wanted to see my friend Jensen and they’re just like ‘mhm, okay’ and roll their eyes.” The wound was looking better, it wasn’t deep at all. “This is going to sting.” You didn’t give him a chance to react before you put your hand over his eye and sprayed a couple shots of rubbing alcohol on the wound.
“Mmmmmmotherfucker!” he growled.
“I’m sorry, honey,” you said, and without thinking you leaned down and kissed his forehead.
Awkward silence followed as you cleaned up the first aid kit and rinsed out the washcloth.
“Why do you even have the kit?” he asked.
“Believe it or not, I’m a klutz, or so I’ve been told. …and sometimes Grant needed it.” you explained.
“That’s not comforting.”
You didn’t say anything further about Grant. “The noodles are probably perfect now.”
Being so close to Jensen tended to overwhelm the senses. Even after knowing him so long, you still hadn’t become desensitized. You got out the pasta and ingredients bowl from the fridge. You needed to get yourself together. You only just kicked out Grant, and Jensen was still very much involved with Dee. You didn’t want to do anything stupid that would be the cause of any unhappiness in Jensen’s life, or yours. You dished up the noodles and Jensen joined you from the bathroom. You pushed the pasta bowl at him.
You got your bowl ready then went to the stereo to load up the CD player tray with music you knew you would both like. Your usual favorites were hand and it only took a moment to be happy with your selections. You put the Bob Seger album away then told the CD player to shuffle before returning to the kitchen to pour yourself a drink of your favorite soda.
When Jensen was ready, you had him follow you to your room and the fire escape then led him up to the roof where you had a deck built with a pergola, sun shades, lighting, speakers and a fan. It was your little oasis and it was a great place to watch any weather come in, too. So far, it was breezy, but not windy. By the look of the clouds, you thought it might rain after dark.
“This is great,” Jensen said.
“Yeah, you can see everything up here.”
“So, what’s the plan?”
“Tonight, we’re chillin’ like villains,” you turned on the power to the pergola.
“Dude.”
“I know,” you grinned. You turned on the fan and the speakers which played the music from your CD player. Tomorrow we’ll go to the butcher. We’ll need to stop by The Liquor Store and Sportsman’s to visit my grandma. At some point, we’re having dinner with my parents. Friday is the first full day of the fair, so we can go to the park and check out all of the stuff there. They’ll have a lot of vendors selling all kinds of stuff, there’s a car show, games. Saturday has the parade, more stuff at the park, lots of animals, fair food, crowning of the county princess. The fair itself has at least 3 big rides and one of those potato sack ride things, huuuuuge Ferris Wheel… I’m sure there’s more, but I can’t think of it all right now. You’ll be begging to go back to work to get a break from it all.”
“Gotta love small towns,” he said again, then took a bite of the pasta.
You watched for his reaction.
He looked over at you.
“Go on, say it. I know you want to,” you smirked, taking a bite.
“Alright,” he took another bite, “This is really good.”
“And?”
He rolled his eyes. “I want the recipe,” he grumbled.
“Thank you.”
The music from the CD player came through the speakers you’d had wired and was a nice background sound for you and Jensen to chat. Though it was after 7 PM, it was still hot as hell and not cooling off at all. You hoped the cold front would come through sooner than later. You bumped up the fan speed and tried to ignore the trickle of sweat running down your back.
It didn’t take long for either of you to finish what you’d put in your dishes.
“How do you not eat everything you made in one sitting?” he rested a hand on his happy belly.
You laughed, “Sometimes I do. Usually I just make enough for me, though. Wanna go for a drive, or are you too beat? We can get ice cream.”
“You had me at ‘go for a drive’.” he said getting up from the adirondack chair your dad had made. He turned to help you up from yours.
“Nice chairs,” he noted.
“Thanks, my dad made them for me.”
“No shit? Nice work.”
You both started walking back toward the fire escape.
“And how is Sir doing?” he asked.
Ever since Jensen first met your dad, he’d had an abundance of terrified respect for him and always referred to him as “Sir.” It may have been due to the fact that your dad was even taller than Jensen and intimidating as hell.
“Are you ever going to use his actual name?”
“Maybe when he doesn’t scare the shit out of me,” he said, reaching the stairs. “Is this his handiwork, too?” he indicated the metal fire escape.
You nodded. “He didn’t make it, but it’s his design,” you answered. “The last set was pretty old and rusting away.”
“You and your family have quite the skill sets,” he mused.
You didn’t know if he was referring to your uncles’ side-business, or your immediate family. “What do you mean?” you followed him inside the window and to the kitchen.
“Your mom does interior design, crafts all kinds of stuff, and has made some amazing flower arrangements. Your brother is an artist, publishes a comic, and does some crazy hand-lettering. Your dad is a self-taught engineer, woodworker, hella smart, hella scary…”
“...not sure that’s a skill…”
“And you… you seem to have all of those skills and you write novels, best-selling novels…”
…it’s only one…”
“But I know you. I saw your board. You’re writing another.”
“True, I am… why are you telling me this? You and your family are pretty awesome, too. You can memorize scripts so easily and can do pretty much anything you want… Are we just saying we’re impressed with each other?”
“And you’re athletic,” he nodded.
“You’re athletic. Just because I can do things that resemble sports doesn’t mean I like to sweat. You do that shit for fun, not this girl.”
Jensen snickered then started humming Sweat by Inner Circle before eventually softly singing the lyrics. You went to close the window in your bedroom so fuckface wouldn’t try to get in that way, assuming he could get past your dad’s security method he built into the ladder design. You knew the lyrics to Sweat quite well and you didn’t know what to think of Jensen, who was in a “pretty serious” relationship, humming that for you. You had just broken up with Grant.
“Get it together, Y|N,” you told yourself. “He’s not a rebound guy and he’s not hitting on you.”
Once you cleared your head, you met Jensen by the door, which he held open for you, allowing you to pass by him. The two of you went down the stairs and to the back of the building to where Jensen had parked his rental car. It was going to take you forever to get that damn song out of your head…and the meaning…but you made a mental note to use it in your novel.
Outside, you were greeted by a sleek, black Range Rover.
“Holy shit,” you said, gaping at the car. “This was at the airport?!”
“Yeah, I was shocked, too. Hop in,” he hit the unlock button and opened the door for you.
You were quite impressed with the vehicle. Nice interior, quiet ride and very posh. You told Jensen how to get to the place that sold the ice cream and he pointed the car in that direction. You both got the establishment’s version of a Blizzard. Jensen got Reece’s Pieces, and you got your favorite flavor. Ice cream in hand, you had Jensen cruise the main streets, of which, there were three.
Jensen felt the need to walk off the ice cream, so after driving through the park, he stopped at the parking lot outside of the park and near the walking trail.
“I see why you like it here so much,” he said, walking by the river with you. “It’s just…nice.”
“Yeah, it’s really small, but everything I need is within driving distance. Then I can come back here where it’s nice and quiet.”
“Ever think I could tempt you away?”
That’s a loaded question, you thought. “Depends. I’d need a good reason to leave all this,” you waved your hand around. You could hear the irony in your own voice. “Not opposed to it. What’d you have in mind?”
He shrugged. “Just wish you were closer to Texas or LA or Vancouver.”
“Oh, yeah, that would be nice, but I’m good here,” you said. And I don’t want to be tempted by being too close to you.
“Maybe someday,” he said.
“Maybe,” you said. On the surface, your friend asked if you would ever move to Texas, or wherever, to be closer to him. Jensen could ask questions with such subtle nuance that he made you wonder if things were as “good” as he made them seem, with Dee, as he let on. You had other guy friends and none of them talked to you the way Jensen did. The two of you would dance around the line in your relationship, but you were never quite sure where the line was. You supposed the line may be in a different spot for each of you. No matter where the lines laid for either of you, you knew you would not cross it, and if that meant telling Jensen ‘no’, then you would tell him so. He was involved with someone and you were not willing to put either of you in a situation that could get you embarrassed or hurt.
“We should probably head back now. It’s going to be dark soon and the park closes at ten,” you said, stopping.
Jensen reached to take your hand, but you wouldn’t let him take it.
“Jay, people might not know who you are here, but I don’t want to take any chances. There will always be people looking for smoke where there’s no fire.” And I need to protect my heart.
You wondered how it was that you felt like you had a more intimate relationship with Jensen than you had with Grant, and Grant had spent a lot more time with you. You’d only ever kissed Jensen that one time and it was over 9 years ago. ‘Cause he’s my sweet boy, one side of you answered. You’ve got to stop that, he’s with Dee, argued the other side. And the internal argument with yourself continued on like that until you got back to the car, where he went to your side and opened the door for you.
“I’m sorry, I made you uncomfortable,” he stood in your door while you got situated in your seat.
“I just broke up with fuckface…” you began.
“...rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?”
“Kinda. Shut up. You’re with Dee and you’re serious, right? So if you’re serious, and exclusive with her, then you shouldn’t be trying to flirt with me.”
“Well…what about you? You can’t be doing that to me, either.” “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” Yet, during the whole walk, you could feel him checking you out and you didn’t hate it. You’d been doing the same thing to him all night. His unmistakable gait was hard not to notice. Nor were his cute little buttocks in his gray shorts, or how his t-shirt was just a tiny bit too small. Gently, he gently closed your door then went to his side and got in.
“Alright, if either of us is with someone, the other is off limits. Agreed?” he asked.
You nodded, “Agreed.”
“Why does it feel like we’re breaking up?” you asked.
“I don’t know.”
“I’m still going to write to you, okay? We can still be friends, right?”
“Yeah,” he breathed out like he’d been holding his breath.
Thankfully, your apartment wasn’t very far away and you were both back inside just a few minutes later.
“Do you think you can still stay ‘til Sunday?” you asked.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he answered. “Want to watch a movie? I’m still on Vancouver time.”
“I actually need to go do some work, but if you need anything I’ll keep my door open,” you stood by the hallway gauging his reaction. “I need to get stuff done before the storm.”
“Smell it on the air?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought I did, too. Okay.” he said and you thought maybe he was trying not to look at you and play it cool. You weren’t about to contradict him.
He watched her walk down the hall and disappear around the corner to her writing desk. Something dramatic had to happen as soon as he walked in the door earlier that day. That guy she’d called a boyfriend was something else. He didn’t like anything about him. Short. Dark hair and eyes. Beer belly. Didn’t seem too bright. Took advantage of Y|N.
He hit ‘play’ on a random movie from her collection. Her vinyl selection was top-notch and had been slightly impressed she even had any. She hadn’t mentioned it in her letters at all and they told each other almost everything. Kind of amazing that she had any secrets left.
Then again, she wrote a whole book and he’d had no clue. It had been pretty popular and there had been talk about making it into a movie. How had he never asked her if she ever thought about publishing? He knew she was always writing in her spare time. Had he asked her? She dabbled in fan-fiction, he knew, but no clue about the novel. Then he remembered that she said not to read any with the romance covers. Did that mean she was published in other genres and different pen-names? He wondered if she would, or had, used any of their adventures together in her books. Did she know how bad he wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and make it be their time? He almost had when they were dancing. She looked hot as hell in her green shorts and fitted, black, Rolling Stones shirt. She wasn’t dressed up, or did anything special, she just looked good like she always did. He wished he had kissed her… but Dee… what about Dee? While he was with Y|N he would have a good time. When he went back to Texas, he would see how things went with Dee. She deserved at least that from him.
He ended up not even really watching the movie and was still sitting there after the credits had run. It was the flash of lightning from outside that had snapped him out of the trance he’d been in. He cleaned up after himself, checked that the apartment door was locked and turned off the lights.
Not looking into Y|N’s room, he went into his room to change his clothes and grab his toiletry bag for the bathroom. Once his clothes were changed, teeth were brushed, and skincare routine were completed, he flung the toiletry bag at his open suitcase and flopped onto his bed.
“Holy shit, this is nice,” he whispered. He’d slept in a lot of hotel beds, but this was better by far. It hit his goldilocks zone perfectly. His mind was racing too fast to sleep though.
He got back out of bed and paced around her house. Eventually, he started to feel tired and stopped at her still open door, her light long-since turned out. He could see her lying in bed and fought the urge to go in and lie down with her. …it would be so easy. The only thing that stopped him was the thought of hurting Dee like that. With one last look, he went back to bed and watched the rain fall on the skylight as he drifted off to sleep.
Morning came with a quickness and the sun streamed in through the skylight. He laid there with his arm over his eyes, not quite ready to get up yet. If it weren’t for the smell of bacon and eggs wafting in, he might have laid there all day. Not wanting to miss out on a home-cooked meal, he drug himself out of bed and to the kitchen.
Y|N was standing on her counter with cupboard doors open. She looked cute with her bedhead. It didn’t hurt that he had a good view of her legs at all. Briefly he wondered what it would be like to have her legs wrapped around …
“Oh good, you’re up. I can’t find where I put the coffee maker,” she said.
“No big deal,” he said looking at her still standing on the counter hunched over. He looked away when he realized he was staring, “Isn’t there a bakery close by?”
“Yeah, but I can’t go there looking like this,” she said. “I’m a mess.”
“No, you’re not, you’re fine,” he assured her. She really had no idea how attractive she was. Fuck anyone who didn’t also think so. “I don’t need coffee that bad.”
She hopped down from the counter, “Okay, sorry. I’m sure I’ll find it as soon as you go back to work.”
“Oh no, we’re finding it before then, just not now,” he was eyeing the bacon and eggs. “I didn’t know you can cook.”
“I guess I’m full of surprises this weekend,” she said. “Gotta keep you on your toes.”
“You’d think after this long and about a million letters and phone calls that there wouldn’t be much left to learn.”
“Oh honey, you’ve barely scratched the surface,” she grinned and left the kitchen. He stuck his head around the corner in time to catch sight of her butt in the small shorts she was wearing. He then dished up his breakfast and wondered what else was below the surface that he didn’t know.
When you both finished breakfast and got cleaned up, Jensen finally found the coffee maker and felt a little more human. Then they walked a few blocks over to the butcher shop where Jensen purchased some New York strips that he liked the look of.
“Is it always like this?” he asked.
“Like what? You’re the meat eater, you tell me,” you said using the key to open the building door.
“Not the meat, the weirdly pleasant part,” he answered.
You hadn’t noticed anything unusual in your interactions that morning. “Yeah, I guess so? Aren’t people usually nice to you? I’d think they’d be fawning over you.”
He snorted, “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, everyone knowing who you are. The sneaking pictures. Sometimes people are dicks just to get a rise out of you. It’s exhausting always being ‘on’ in public.”
You stopped at your apartment door to look back at him. Anytime you need to hang out, just let me know. Hell, you have a key, just show up. Or maybe you need a place to go that’s all your own… like build a place on that land you bought forever ago.”
You opened the door and Jensen followed you in flipping over the security latch when the door closed.
“What?” he saw you looking at him. He pointed at the latch, “That? Can’t be too careful.” He put his steaks in the refrigerator.
“I just appreciate you looking out for me,” you said.
“That’s what friends do,” he said, resting his hands on the island.
“Do friends challenge you to Mario Kart?” you asked.
“Yeah, but we might not be friends afterward,” he was already moving toward the TV.
“Oh really? Why’s that?”
“‘Cause I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“Mhm. Okay. We shall see.”
“Are you mad?” you smirked, walking down the stairs again with him.
He shook his head, “Nope.”
“‘Cause it seems like you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad. I should know better. Were you practicing?”
You laughed, “No, I hardly play it.”
“You have home-console advantage.”
“Wow. Okay. Are you gonna tell me that neither you nor Jared have a Wii in one or both of your trailers?”
He ignored the question. “I want a rematch.”
“So I can beat you again?” you teased.
“That was a fluke.” “Jensen, you’re a sore loser,” you laughed. “C’mon,” you were walking with him to the Liquor Store and were just outside the door, “Let’s see if Gram is working.”
Inside the store there was a small checkout counter to the right with a swinging half door to the back part of the store. The entirety of the store included two very long rows of shelves that were fully stocked with all of the liquors you could ever want and lots of beer cases.
You had no idea what the building had been originally, but you thought maybe you’d heard it had been a law office and that, honestly, felt right. The floors were carpeted. The walls were lined with wood paneling. It had a drop ceiling that trapped the smell of every cigarette smoked inside its walls. Back behind the counter was the “office” which was just a desk with a video feed from the bar next door.
You started looking for your beverage of choice, while Jensen found his. When you were both happy with your choices, you took them to the register, but whoever was working, you assumed it was your grandmother, hadn’t appeared yet. You hit the bell on the counter and called out, “Loretta!”
“I’m coming!’ you heard her call from somewhere in the bowels of the building. When your grandma saw you at the counter, she said, “Oh, Y|N it’s you. Who is this with you?”
Her eyes were almost sparkling as she looked at Jensen. You gave him a quick knowing glance.
“Grandma, this is my very good friend, Jay Wayne. Jay, this is my gram, Loretta,” you introduced them.
“Very nice to meet you, Jay,” she practically cooed. “Did you two find what you wanted?”
“Yeah, these two things please,” you said. “Are you cooking today, too?”
“Yes, I am. Are you two kids going to have lunch here?” You nodded. “Come through here then. Don’t go back out in the heat. I’ll just add the drinks to your food bill. Do you know what you want so I can get fixing it?”
Your grandma pushed open the half-door that kept the customers out of the back open and led you and Jensen through the building to the door that opened into the bar that was attached to the Liquor Store.
“I think Jay needs to look at a menu, but…” you began.
“What do you recommend, Loretta?” he charmed her.
“Well, I make the chicken, coleslaw and potato salad here, so any of those I can guarantee they’ll be good,” your grandma answered.
“I’ll take some of all, if you don’t mind,” he grinned at her.
“Me, too, just no coleslaw,” you said, unsure if you existed at the moment.
Once she had the order, your grandma got to getting things ready and left you and Jensen to find a seat inside the bar. It was like any other bar you’d ever been in. It had a very long bar, a small stage, plenty of tables and booths. There was neon everywhere and racing memorabilia on all of the walls. Even the floor was in large black and white checkered tiles. You and Jensen found a booth and sat on opposite sides of the table.
“That was disturbing,” you said, pulling out a menu, though you’d looked at it hundreds of times.
“What?” Jensen was also looking at the same simple menu.
“Never once has she let me go through the store.” Jensen barely looked up before going back to the menu.
“So?” he said.
“I am her grandchild and she has never given me special treatment, but as soon as I have a hottie with me, she’s all sweet.”
“Are you jealous of your grandmother?”
“God no. What? No. Just letting you know about my family.”
“She know about your career?” You shook your head. “Why not?”
“‘Cause I don’t want any of them knowing. I don’t want anything to change because they know my secret. If they treat me like this without knowing… It just keeps me humble and I can still see their true colors, ya know?”
“I get that.”
“The thing is, you could be a total, abusive asshole to me, but if she thinks you’re cute, I must have done something to deserve it.”
Jensen put down the menu. “Who did it? Was it fuckface? Say the word and I can finish what he started.”
“It wasn’t Grant,” you said.
“Jim? Braeden? Steve? Doug? Who am I missing here? Andy?” You touched your nose. “Andy?! …that son of a bitch!”
“Jay!” you put your hand over his. “Do you see him here? Have I mentioned him in all of these years?” He was still livid. “It’s taken care of.”
“Like taken care of taken care of?” his voice was still raised.
You gave him a ‘stop it’ look but said, “I don’t know details. I just know my dad and brother were pissed that he’d been harassing me… and stalking me… and the other stuff. I just know Dad and Jarrod went looking for him and Andy never bothered me again.”
Jensen just stared at you for a moment. He knew both your dad and brother which definitely made him wonder what happened to Andy, especially considering the rumors about her uncles.
“Are you fucking with me?” he asked.
You smiled, “Only a little. He’s still alive, but he hasn’t come within 100 yards of me since then. I can only speculate what they did to scare the shit out of him.”
“I’ve only met your brother a couple times, but your dad still scares the shit outta me, so I’m sure Jarrod is equally terrifying,” he mused.
“That’s fair,” you said. “I know of other situations where Jarrod handled things very simply, if not painfully.”
“Alright,” Jensen seemed satisfied that the situation was handled with Andy.
“Are you still that scared of my dad?” you asked.
“What? No! …a little,” he admitted. “I just feel like he can read my mind.”
“Why would that be scary, Jensen? Tell me.” you rested your chin on your folded hands.
“Hi guys, sorry it took so long. ‘Retta just put your orders up a few minutes ago.” the server saved Jensen. “Hey Y|N, how are ya?”
“Hi Chels, we’re not in a big hurry. No worries. This is Jay.”
“Nice to meet you,” she placed napkins and cups of ice water on your table. To Jensen, “You look familiar, have we met?”
“No, I don’t think so,” he answered, taking a drink of the water.
“Don’t be modest, Jay.” Jensen shot you a viscious look. “He does stand-in and stunt work for TV and movies.”
“That must be it,” she said, frazzled. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
She was gone before you could say anything else to her.
“She’s cute,” he said.
You nodded, “Went to school with her. She’s cool as shit.”
“What’s the plan for the rest of the day?” he asked.
“Not much. We can go to the park for the vendors and car show.” you said the next part quietly, “Have dinner with my parents.” Then you went back to normal volume, “Maybe go to the races, or get that rematch of Mario Kart out of the way.”
When you were both finished with your food, Chelsea brought the bill and your bottles from the Liquor Store. Making eye contact with Chelsea, you tipped your head toward Jensen and without missing a beat, she laid the bill on Jensen’s side of the table and gave you a discreet wink as she departed.
Jensen happily paid for both of you and mentioned that your grandma made good potato salad and that he’d also enjoyed the juicy fried chicken. He left Chelsea a good tip, grabbed your liquor purchases and walked you back home.
You never got bored with Jensen. Maybe it was because you packed too much into your visits, but even when you weren’t on a tight timeline, you still just always enjoyed his company. If you ever did get bored, and you didn’t think you did, it was just better, easier, less drab. It was nice having him around. It might have been because you’d known him so long, but you knew it was only part of it because you genuinely loved him.
“Mario Kart has to wait,” you said, reveling in the A/C.
Jensen snorted, “You just don’t want to get beat. I’ll find my groove.”
“I wasn’t scared before and I’m not scared now, Ackles,” you said, confidently. “I will destroy you some other time. We can’t play tonight because my parents are coming over for dinner tonight.”
It still tickled you, to no end, to see the flash of terror in Jensen’s eyes, though fleeting, at the mention of your father.
“What a treat,” he blurted out.
“Man, you are good,” you marveled. “I almost didn’t see you flinch that time.” Jensen pretended like he didn’t know what you meant. “He’s not that scary.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re his baby girl.”
“I guarantee, if you get his steak just right, you’re in.”
Before the big event, you and Jensen went to the park to do some vendor shopping and went to the car show that was being put on. You’d gotten to see some really cool antiques, muscle cars (no Impala), and some modern muscle. It was quite a popular event and not a single person recognized Jensen, that you were aware of. You’d spent much of the afternoon walking around the fair festivities and were back at your apartment just in time to start getting food ready for dinner, because your parents would be over in an hour to eat.
An hour later, at six on the dot, your parents arrived and you breathed a sigh of relief when your dad offered his hand to Jensen in greeting. Everything was cordial as usual. Jensen was just about to go to the roof to start grilling, but he’d waited for your parents to arrive before going up. Surprisingly, your dad followed Jensen out.
Your mom sat on one of the island bar stools while you worked on the rest of the meal. She looked around your apartment.
She leaned forward and quietly asked, “Is Grant here?”
“No ma’am,” you answered, checking on the pasta.
She took a sip of her tea. “Oh, how come?”
You turned to look at her knowing full-well she already knew. “I told him to get the hell out and never darken my door again.”
“Oh, thank God. You know I never liked him.”
“I didn’t, actually, but it doesn’t matter.”
“When did this happen?” she was almost gleeful.
“Thursday. He was being a dick to Jay. They got into it right here,” you told her.
“So that’s why Jensen has that on his cheek?”
You nodded.
“And how was Grant?”
“No idea,” you shrugged. “Jay landed more than a few.”
“Good,” your mom said and you started the alfredo sauce. “When are you and Jensen going to get together?”
“Mother!”
“What? He adores you, and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way.”
It hurt being called out like that and it made your stomach tie up in knots. “I just broke up with Grant. Like him or not, we were together for four years. I’m gonna need a minute to put that away. Not to mention Jay has a girlfriend and they’re ‘pretty serious’, I guess, plus she’s in the business too and got close on a movie and I have my work and it’s just not something either of us wants right now. Can we talk about something else please?”
“Speaking of work… are you working on another book? Are you going to be traveling to Pennsylvania again? How was the the last shut down? I’m still not sure I like you doing that stuff, but at least you get to travel.”
“It’s not glamorous. I don’t get out much. Mostly I’m just working. The only thing that really changes is the location,” you stirred the alfredo. “I have ideas for a couple books. I’m actually almost done with the first draft for one still in research and plotting phase for the other.”
“Have a muse in mind?” your mother was being awfully cheeky.
You put the spoon down and looked her dead in the eye, “George Clooney.”
Jensen was trying to be cool. Sir had followed him up to the roof and was sitting in the chairs he’d built for (Y/N). He sat there with his legs crossed, smoking in the shade while Jensen fired up the grill. As if the summer sun weren’t already hot enough, he felt himself beginning to sweat under the scrutiny Sir was laying on him. There was no avoiding it, he went to sit while the grill came to temperature.
Sir didn’t say anything but he extended a very weathered, but still massive, hand over, holding out his cigarettes to him.
“No, thank you, sir. Gave it up a few years back.”
“Jensen, you can call me…” tucking the pack into his breast pocket.
“No, sir, I can’t. I have the utmost respect for you and your family. Not to mention my mother would have my hide.”
“How are your folks?”
They chatted in small talk for a while letting the grill get nice and hot. When an adequate amount of time passed, Jensen got up to check the thermometer.
“Do you know how to grill a good steak?” (Y/N)’s dad asked, looking over Jensen’s shoulder.
“I like to think I do. How do you take yours, medium rare?”
(Y/N) had tipped him. Her dad nodded. “My specialty.” He used another tip she’d given him, “How are your Vikings lining up for next season?”
“Oh, well…” he began and the two b.s.’d until the steaks and chicken were both ready. Chicken went on first for the ladies.
“I still can’t get (Y/N) to try my steak. Says she doesn’t ‘do red meat’ but eats hamburgers and chicken for days though,” he shook his head.
“Her mother is the same way,” her dad chuckled.
Your parents stayed longer that night than they had in years. Dinner had gone well. Lots of talking going on and you felt a good time was had by all.
“You must have done a good job with the steak,” you said to Jensen, handing him one of the pots to rinse and dry.
“Gotta say, I feel like king shit right now.”
“I’m glad he didn’t throw you off the roof.”
“No shit. I legit had the same thought while I was up there with him.” He paused for a moment to dry another dish. “How bad did they hate fuckface?”
“Honestly, I didn’t know they did until tonight. My mom actually was giddy with relief.”
“I think you dodged a bullet.”
“Mmm. Probably.”
“You gonna work tonight?” he asked.
You nodded, “Yeah, I’ve gotta try to get as much out of my head as I can. It helps to keep me from spiraling.”
He turned his head to look at you. “Are you spiraling?”
“No, but I might.”
“Okay if I hang out in your room? Can you still work?”
You nodded. “It’s amazing what I can ignore. Your company is always welcome.”
Jensen was down for that. He cleaned up the kitchen with you. Then when that was done, you got all of your things together for your writing desk. Jensen looked at your writing supplies.
“You need a gallon of water…” he said.
“It’s thirty-two ounces.”
“900 pens.”
“I have a current favorite.”
“And just as many notebooks.”
“Yes. I may not use all of them but I need them close. It’s a process. Some have notes, references, character descriptions…”
“When do you use the computer?”
“When I’m ready to do my first edit. It helps for continuity, adding bits, deleting others. Fixing grammar, stuff like that.”
“Seems like a lot of work.”
“It is, but it’s what works for me. Writing on paper is cathartic and I get a good flow going this way.”
“So what are you doing tonight?”
“I am going to be writing down new ideas, words for one, transcribing and editing for the other.”
“You have more than one book going?”
“Yep.”
“And you can keep track of them all?”
“That’s what all of the notebooks are for, color coding and corkboard.”
“Right… I’m gonna snoop around, cool? Okay, great.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, he just immediately went to your closet and opened the door and started looking around.
“I’m gonna get rid of all of fuckface’s shit.”
“Go for it,” you sat down at your desk to get started. “If you make a mess, you will clean it up.”
He raised a hand to acknowledge he heard you and got right to going through everything. Grant’s clothes were landing in a heap outside the closet door.
“Not much in here,” he was still rifling through the clothes bar and your dresser.
“Hey, stay out of the top drawer.”
“Too late. Not even any lacy bits.”
“Okay. Keep comments like that to yourself, thank you.”
“If you got it, flaunt it.”
“I don’t have it.”
“Yes, you do,” he reached for a box up on the shelf.
You sat in stunned silence for a moment then completely dropped it as him just being nice. He dug through the box and, not finding anything, put it back on the shelf.
“I’m gonna get a garbage bag for this shit,” he said and went to the kitchen like he hadn’t just said what he said.
You thought maybe you should help go through things but you didn’t even want to look at any reminders. When he came back, with garbage bag in tow, he grabbed the clothes, and shoved them, unceremoniously inside.
Jensen saw you watching. “He’s lucky I don’t pour bleach in here.”
“I didn’t say anything,” you raised your hands in surrender. “And I see nothing.”
He tapped his temple then pointed at you. “Understood.”
Over the next hour, while you worked, Jensen went through every place Grant would have put anything and collected the found items. Along the way, things “accidentally” crashed to the floor, but the pieces all made it into the bag for Grant’s later collection. Occasionally, you would hear “oops” after something fell.
“Hey,” he stuck his head around the corner. “I need you.”
You followed him out to the living room. “Which of these games are yours?”
You looked at the Xbox games and sorted through them. There were a few movies you added to the bag, also. It felt good to purge them. Eventually you got back to work and Jensen went back to snooping and found your photo album. He took it to your bed, got comfy and began looking through the pages.
Some of the pictures were ones he’d never seen before. They were a chronicle of her life from when she was a baby, all the way up to the last time he saw her, last year, at the upfronts in New York. Cute baby too, he thought. He liked looking through the photos. It made him feel closer to her somehow. He flipped slowly through the pages and saw people he didn’t recognize in the older pictures. He wanted to ask her about them but she was typing away on her computer, and didn’t want to ruin her flow.
When he got to the middle of the thick album, that was when he got to the years when they first got to know one another. There were pictures from that first meeting in Texas, the one where she walked right into him and stole his heart. As much as he enjoyed that first meeting, it was the ones where they stayed at a cabin for summer vacations. He’d always told himself that they were just friends. There was a closeness between them that he couldn’t describe.
When your eyes started to give up on you, and the beginnings of a headache, you decided to call it a night. For half a second, you’d forgotten about Jensen. He’d been so quiet and now you understood why. Jensen was lying on your bed with your old photo album next to him. Crawling onto your bed, you grabbed the album and slid it to the edge of the bed with you. It was still open to the page that had pictures of the two of you at the cabin.
“My sweet boy,” you thought.
You closed the album and set it aside. Turning back to Jensen you briefly debated whether or not to wake him, or to go sleep in the spare room. Looking at the clock, you decided that it wasn’t worth trying to sleep in his room. After all, it was a king bed and you were both adults. If either of you couldn’t behave, there were bigger issues to deal with.
You turned off the lights and changed out of your clothes and into your night shirt in the dark. Jensen laid on his back and appeared to be sleeping soundly above the covers. Despite it being hot as hell outside, even at night, it was almost chilly in your apartment with the A/C running. You thought to look for a blanket for him and used the moonlight to navigate your room and grabbed a blanket you had made, hoping it would be long enough.
You carried the blanket to where he laid and unfolded it before laying it over him. After covering his feet, you moved your way up his body making sure he was covered. He surprised you when he stirred and said, “You’re beautiful” and rolled onto his side. Stunned, it took you a moment to realize he must have been dreaming of Dee and went to your side of the bed to go to sleep.
He laid there knowing he shouldn’t look, but it wasn’t every day that a woman got undressed in front of him; let alone one he cared about so deeply. His eyes were only open a slit and there were no lights on, but the bright moonlight did him a favor and let him see just enough to be dangerous. He did everything he could to remain calm until the nightshirt slipped over her nearly naked body. She went to the closet and he breathed a sigh of relief until she bent over and could see the perfect shape of her backside. (Y/N) came back with a blanket and tucked him in. When she got close to his chest, he pretended to still be sleeping and rolled onto his side telling her she’s beautiful.
He was so torn about what to do. He cared for Dee, he really did. They got along great, he liked her a lot. She was a really great friend and they had a lot of fun together. He knew he would be happy with her… he even bought a ring. Nova, though… she was his absolute solace. He was never less than his best self when he was with her.
She needed time to get back to her normal self after being with Grant. She wasn’t happy. He could tell in her letters that Grant was not right for her. He was dragging her down, dampening her spirit. She deserved someone who would lift her up; someone who could be devoted to her. As much as he may have wanted that to be himself, he also knew that he couldn’t just drop everything, not even for (Y/N).
When morning came, Jensen was still lying in bed with you, sleeping peacefully. His long lashes lying softly on his cheeks. Normally, you stayed on your side of the bed, even when Grant was with you. When you woke up, you were lying more towards the middle and Jensen was mere inches away. It would be nothing to reach out and touch him. Instead you rolled away to the side of the bed and opted for a cold shower.
Turning on the water, you went through the motions to get your body clean and think about what your next steps should be. Only, you realized, you’d been going through the motions for the last few years. The only thing you’d care about was writing your stories and the escape they gave you, which brought you to wonder why you needed the escape. Then you thought about all of the smutty romance you wrote about and wondered if you were just protecting your wants and desires into your books. Jensen gave you crap about the inspiration for those books, and you thought you were telling the truth about it being Gerard Butler, but you weren’t even sure of that either. When it came down to it, all you were actually sure of was that you liked writing. Not just the scenes themselves, but the whole process. Grant never really understood your need to create. He hadn’t even asked you about it. All he ever talked about was himself. As long as he was happy, that was all he cared about…
“Hey, you curing cancer in there?”
Jensen called through the door, grabbing your attention. Had you even washed your hair?
“Just searching for world peace.”
“Well hurry up and find it, I got breakfast waiting.”
Thankfully, with it being Saturday, it meant your day would be very busy and you wouldn’t be so overwhelmed with difficult emotions. The first activity of the day was the parade. Jensen was okay with going down to street level and be amongst the people. Your apartment overlooked Main Street and was a great vantage point. Instead, the two of you went down and met up with friends of yours.
“Who’s your friend?” Kim asked.
You looked at Jensen in his ball cap and sunglasses. He stood to your right and slightly behind you. He looked back at you and shrugged, game to see what would happen.
“This is famous TV actor, Jensen Ackles,” you told her, then turned to Jensen. “Jay, this is Kim. We went to high school together.”
“Hey, how’s it going? Jay Wayne.”
“Hi, nice to meet you, Jay.” Kim gave you a look that said to quit playing around. “What do you do for work and how did you meet (Y/N)?”
“I’m actually a stunt-double on TV and stand in. Met (Y/N) at summer camp years ago.”
“Oh, how cool.”
She was about to start asking more questions, but you cut her off. “Oh, I think my parents finally arrived. Talk to you later, Kim. C’mon, Jay.” You grabbed his arm and pulled him away and walked towards the corner and across the street to the pharmacy.
“You weren’t kidding. Right from the start, she didn’t buy it.”
“Dude, I know. And it’s not like I’m a chronic liar.”
“I know, you’re actually really bad at it.”
“Thank you?” you said with a chuckle.
“It’s a good thing. I always know where I stand with you. And, it makes it really easy to tell when you do lie.”
You and Jensen walked all over downtown and the park to check out all of the special vendors and deals that only came around once a year. After grabbing lunch from the VFW, you were ready for a break and went back to your apartment and laid down for a couple hours. You didn’t know what Jensen was doing but he wasn’t in the room with you, which you felt was for the best.
The alarm you’d set woke you up and you got up to brush out your hair in your bathroom. Jensen had found the acoustic you’d bought for Fuckface Grant and was strumming a familiar song. Reaching for the door knob of your bedroom, you paused recognizing the song as he began to sing.
“Saying ‘I love you’ is not the words I want to hear from you. It’s not that I want you, not to say but if you only knew… how easy, it would be to show me how you feel. More than words is all you have to do to make it real, then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me ‘cause I’d already know.”
Of all the songs he could have played… The lyrics hit you hard and your hand dropped away from the handle as you listened to each word he sang. Did he even know what he was doing to you? How could he? He was playing and singing softly. You put your back against the door, not wanting to let him see you fall to pieces as you slid to the floor. You clasped your hands over your mouth and tried not to cry out as the tears fell out of your eyes.
He moved on to other songs that also tore at your heart but they hadn’t stung nearly as bad. Whatever it was that had pulled the plug on your emotional dam, whether it was the lyrics, or Jensen’s voice, you weren’t quite sure, but it had released the flood and it took you a while to let it all out and compose yourself. Dragging yourself off the floor, you went back to your bathroom to splash cold water on your face in hopes of maybe calming down enough to go out in the living room where he was still softly playing songs. Of course, there was no hope of him not noticing.
“What happened?” he asked, putting the guitar down and getting up as soon as he saw you were not okay.
“I’m okay. I just needed a good cry, I guess.”
“C’mon, bring it in,” he said stepping toward you with arms out stretched.
You took a step back and held a hand up for him to stop. “No, I really don’t want to be touched right now.”
He looked at you in a way that made your heart hurt more.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Just… I don’t know, just be gentle on me, okay? I’m feeling a little raw and just… raw.”
“Fair enough.”
“Just give me a few minutes then we can go down to the fair.”
“He doesn’t deserve you shedding a single tear over him, Nova.” He thought you were crying over Grant.
“I know, it’s just hard to let go.”
An hour later, you were sitting in the grandstands at their fairgrounds watching figure 8 races which led into the demolition derby. A few of your older cousins showed up and sat with you and Jensen. You introduced him as Jay, and as usual with your family, they grilled him and wanted to know everything about him. There was something in your dad’s family’s DNA that was determined to embarrass you at every turn. To his credit, Jensen took it like a champ and answered their questions without divulging too much of the truth.
After the races were done, you and Jensen left the grandstands and got some gumbo from one of the local vendors. You found a picnic table to sit at while you ate.
“Is your family always like that?” he asked.
You nodded, “Pretty much.”
“It makes a lot of sense now.”
“How so?”
“You don’t pull punches and almost always say what you’re thinking.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“No. No ‘supposing’. You know I’m right,” he turned his hat backward to eat.
“And look what it got me,” you felt miserable. “You have a bruised cheek because I chose to be with someone who never chose to be with me.” You pointed two tables over to your right.
Jensen’s head turned to look for what had caught your attention. You couldn’t bring yourself to look that direction again and took a bite of the cornbread that you had been soaking in the gumbo. When Jensen started to rise, you put your hand on his to stop him. Slowly, he sat back down again. You could almost see the red rising in his skin.
“I love that you want to go over there, but don’t,” you said.
When Jensen turned back to you, the rage he felt showed in his eyes and you could see the white all the way around his now, very dark, green eyes.
“Jay…” you waited for the rage to settle, not letting go of his balled up fist. Eventually the tension released and you let go.
“He’s not worth getting mad over,” you said, calmly, surprising even yourself.
Jensen took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking again. “He’s disgusting,” he said of fuck face, “she can’t be more than 20.”
“Jay, he’s not my problem. Don’t even engage, he’ll just drag you down,” you stirred your gumbo, disappointed in the soupiness of it. Instead, you decided it was a good thing since you felt a little sick at the sight of fuckface with someone new already. Not to mention, they were behaving like teenagers with their overt PDA.
You rested your head on your right hand to block them out of your peripheral vision and dabbed the cornbread into the gumbo hoping the cornbread might help calm your stomach.
“You okay?”
You nodded. “Yeah, just not very hungry all of a sudden.”
“Wanna do something else?”
“Skeeball?”
He smirked, “Cuz you beat me at that game.”
You grinned, “You forgot to say ‘all the time’. I beat you at skeeball all the time.”
“I’m still not convinced you don’t cheat,” he grumbled.
“Is there something that would convince you, or is it only the ass-whooping I deal out the only thing?”
“Not even so much as a pity win for me,” he took a few bites.
You sipped your soda. “That would not be good sportsmanship.”
“Alright, I’m done,” he collected both of your dishes and disposed of them. “Let’s go find a game where I can whoop your ass.”
“Mhm. Okay. Let’s see,” you said. “Glutton for punishment.”
Jensen spent a lot of money on tickets for what turned out to be very little return… for him. Eventually, he found a shooting game he wanted to try and you backed out of to let him have his moment to shine. Not surprisingly, when you weren’t up against him he did really well and cleared all of the targets.
“So are you just always letting me win?” you asked as he gleefully handed over more money to keep playing.
“Hell no. I just do better with an audience,” he said, picking up the small air rifle. I just want to impress you, he thought.
When Jensen had shot enough targets, it was time to pick out a prize.
“Lady’s choice,” he deferred to you.
“I’ll take the tiger stuffie,” you said.
The carnival worker handed you the toy. “Got a few more credits left. Want anything from here?”
You looked where he indicated and selected a ring-pop in your favorite flavor. “I love these things. Thank you!”
The carnie wished you a good night and immediately began calling for more players.
“How’s your stomach?” he asked, looking at the Scrambler.
“Good enough,” you told him, but your anxiety kicked in when you got in the small line.
It was getting late and had gotten dark. Most of the people with little kids had left, but the fair was still bustling with people.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “You have a look on your face.”
“I don’t want to crush you.”
It was his turn to give you a look. He had no idea what you meant.
“How would you do that?”
The emotional turmoil was threatening to bubble up again but it came in the form of tears and you could barely whisper, “Because I’m so big.”
He grasped your shoulders and leaned down to look you in the eyes. “I don’t know what, or who, made you feel that way, but you are not, you hear me? You are absolutely perfect just the way you are, no matter what. I swear, if that douche canoe made you feel like you aren’t the most beautiful person he’s ever been lucky enough to be with, say the word and I’ll go kill him now.”
He hadn’t, but you weren’t about to tell Jensen that. There were times, like this time, that Jensen was a lot like his character, Dean, and you knew, without a doubt, that he would follow through with his threat if you gave the okay. Truthfully, your body image issues had been with you even before you met Jensen.
“No, it’s not his fault. This is all me,” you whispered.
“Do you want to go?”
“No,” you shook your head. “Let’s ride, I don’t want to ruin the last night you’re here.”
“Not possible,” he said, matter of fact. “Any day with you is a good day, and don’t you forget it.” And if I die because of your body on top of mine, then I would die a happy man. An image of her nearly naked silhouette flashed into his mind and his imagination placed her in several very pleasing positions. He could see everything perfectly as…
“Jay, you coming?”
He looked up suddenly and snapped back to reality. He followed her to their car. They ended up riding the Scrambler and Tilt-a-Whirl several times and Jensen had loved every second of it. You were getting tired again. You’d stopped the rides for a while to watch the live band.
“We have to ride the Ferris Wheel before we go,” you insisted.
“Yeah, we do. Been eyeing it all night.” Which was true, but only because he wasn’t sure if it was too high or not. He was okay with being up high, but if he looked down, that was another story.
For you, the Ferris Wheel was the best part of the rides at the fair. It was a little scary, but that was what made it great, too. When it was your turn, you eagerly took your spot on the seat. Jensen wedged himself into the corner of the seat.
“Do I smell bad?” you teased. He didn’t look scared, but he wasn’t excited like you were either. The lap bar locked into place and you slid over next to Jensen and snaked your arm through his. “Just wait til you see the view.”
Eventually, the wheel paused with the car at the top and she elbowed his side to get his attention.
“Look,” she whispered.
He was looking, but not at the view.
“The lights on the water and look at the houses,” she said, looking at her hometown with wonder.
“Yeah,” he noticed the curve of her ear and the way she tucked her hair behind it, her hair sweeping against her neck. He thought he could just use his finger to brush it aside and kiss her neck… “The view is pretty amazing,” he eventually said, turning his admiring gaze away from her.
The Ferris Wheel started and they took several rotations before it began to slow down to let off riders. The fair had an unofficial shut down time and you and Jensen were lucky enough to be on the last ride. You made sure you had your tiger stuffie and you walked with Jensen back to his car and went home.
“Nova?” he said stepping inside your apartment with you.
“Hmmm?”
“Promise me something?”
“What?”
“Don’t live your whole life here. I know you travel, and that’s great but you deserve more than what this town offers.”
“I thought you like it here?”
“I do, I just… want more for you.”
“Maybe this is all I need. Maybe what I need is to be exactly where I am. This is who I am. I don’t need a spotlight shone on me.”
“Well, I thought you wanted more.”
“If I am meant to have something, it will come to me. I just told my boyfriend of four years to fuck off and he already has a new piece. Maybe you’re right. Maybe what I need is to get as far a-fucking-way from here as possible.”
“Now you’re talking. Austin? Vancouver? L.A.?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Where then?”
“Australia.”
“Whoa, hold on now. You’re going to the extreme, aren’t you? Two seconds ago, you were fine with living here forever and now you’re leaving the hemisphere?”
“I’ve always wanted to go and I have the means. My life here is a fucking joke. I have no love-life, no life, and no prospects. Something has to change and this is the perfect solution! And, it will be great material for a book. How can I write effectively if I don’t have experiences?!” A brief, devastating, revelation had hit you like a freight train and you needed to act on it before it slipped away. You realized you’d only been living for the time you spent with Jensen and not for yourself and it needed to change immediately or you would be stuck, forever, in the same rut.
That hadn’t gone at all how he thought it would. All he wanted was for (Y/N) to get out of her town and experience life somewhere else, like Vancouver…
“My friend, Christie, lives in Sydney. I should call her…” you were eager to get going.
“Can we talk about this a little more? It seems a little drastic.”
“No.” You shut him down. “I don’t want you trying to talk me out of it. I do need a change, Jensen, and not one that revolves around you. I have two lives. The one where I’m with you and the one where I’m not. The one where I’m not, fucking sucks, so I’m going to fix it. It’s still not our time, Jay, so I’m not going to sit around and wait for it.”
Jensen looked angry, but you were ready to go toe to toe with him if you had to.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” he said.
“I don’t want to fight with you!”
“Good.”
“Good!”
“Alright! Now what?”
“I don’t fucking know!”
“We good?”
“Yeah? I kinda wanna punch you,” you said, “but, yeah.”
“Good, I don’t want to go back to work and have any bad blood between us.”
You thought you were good. You didn’t think either of you had done or said anything you couldn’t come back from.
“No. I think we’re good. Just don’t try to run my life, I already have a mother,” you gave him a pointed look.
“I’m sorry. I overstepped…. Do you want to stay up with me or are you going to bed?”
Your eyes went to the digital clock on the stove, 2:47. “What time do you need to go?”
“Airport opens at 5. I have, literally, the first flight out at 5:45. Figured I’d try to be there when it opens. Load up at 4? I still have to return the car.
“I’ll stay up,” you yawned.
He smirked. “Sure you will.”
“I will!”
“I believe that you want to,” he grinned, “execution tends to be lacking.”
“Not all of us can sleep at the drop of a hat.”
“It’s a gift,” he quipped. “You’d think you would be good at it, too.” He said moving towards the suede sectional in the living room. “Especially doing shift work.”
“Another great reason to get the hell out of dodge. I hate doing shift work. I should be a supervisor by now. I’m gonna have a lot of loose ends to tie up… Maybe I can get supervisor work overseas.”
“Definitely worth looking into.”
You sat on the couch facing each other, within arms reach. You rested your head on your hand that was on the back of the couch while you talked with Jensen.
(Y/N) was fading fast. Each blink of her eyes was a little slower than the last. He started humming a song and her head settled down onto her arm, fully asleep. He checked the clock and had just enough time to take a quick shower and get his things together before he needed to head out to the airport.
When he was showered and packed, he went back to the living room. (Y/N) was still sleeping, so he carefully picked her up and carried her to her bed.
“Oh no, I fell asleep,” she mumbled.
He chuckled, “It’s alright. I know you tried.” He laid her down and made sure everything was in place so she would find it. He covered her with a blanket because even in the middle of summer, her apartment was as cold as a meat locker. He leaned down, pushed back the hair on her forehead to kiss it.
“Until next time, best pen pal ever,” he said softly.
“I love you, sweet boy,” she mumbled, still more asleep than awake.
When you woke a few hours later, a pang of deep sadness hit you because Jensen was gone again. However, the excitement of a new adventure helped you not dive head first into the depression pool. You rolled over in your bed and were going to pull the pillow he’d used, only there was a crystal star sitting on top of it, including a note he’d written.
Setting aside the Swarovski star, you opened the folded piece of paper addressed to you.
“(Y/N), I want nothing but the best for you and I hope you find it. If you get lost along the way, I will always be here to help you find your way.” – Jensen. P.S. You better write me from your new address as soon as you get settled.”
